I wanted to blog about Father’s Day, but I’m missing one fundamental element for real comprehension of what Father’s Day means to the general dad. And that is that I never really had a dad who spend any time with me, or sent me cards, or called me on my birthday, or pretty much participated in an any part whatsoever of my life. So what I decided to blog about for Father’s Day is from the perspective of a wife and a daughter.
First I must tell you that my mother was strong enough to be both a mother and the father for me, so I never really felt like I missed out on having a father on until I got married and began to raise a daughter of my own. For my daughter when she was young I was the parent who meant everything to her. But as she grew older into her teen years I began to understand what a valuable role of father plays in the choices his teenage daughter makes. He can neither be too aggressive in his need to control her innocence, nor can he be too bold in his approach with her freedom. It’s a fine respectful line that a father has to walk on, but if he’s mature enough to handle it he can have the relationship of his dreams with his new young adult daughter.
It has been my experience that when a woman reaches her teenage years and into young adulthood; this is when the dad doesn’t feel like he’s needed anymore. You couldn’t be further from the truth! This is the age where a woman formulates the type of man she’s going to date, whether or not she’s going to try to replace her father with an older gentleman that she dates, and whether or not she’s going to allow a man or boyfriend to treat her badly. Because a mature father can teach her the appropriate kind of love that only allows her to except a man who will treat her right!
The more I look at the men my daughter has in her life, the more I understand this rule to be the truth. I watch in awe because this is a very natural change for a father and daughter to go through it.
I also have a son. The dynamics of raising a son for a mother can be excruciatingly painful. A boy needs a mother. But a man needs a father. And about the age of 12 boys decide that moms are embarrassing, and awkward. Our little boys are growing and we realize the natural progression is to navigate towards the male social dynamics of becoming an adult. Again, if a mature father is firm and able to be patient enough to put in the quantity; the quality will come!
It may seem like I’m standing on a soapbox preaching about the benefits of maturity with regard to how a father appears to his children, but I’m not. I’m merely pointing out what I have seen that has happened in my experience over the years of my life. In moments when I sit and reflect on the awesome parenting that I see from the fathers I know as an adult; that’s when I really realize how much I miss out on by not having a father of my own.
So for all you dads out there who don’t feel as though you make an impact, or don’t feel appreciated, this dedication is for you! Because you’re the silent teacher, you’re the security, you’re the love and the adoration that both your female and your male kids need! You may not know it now, but their choices and their mistakes are all relevant to this very important day that’s all about you… Happy Father’s Day to you sincerely from the heart of a wife, a mother, and a child! You are loved! Thank you!
11 thoughts on “Father’s Day”
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To understand a complicated relation between a father who abandoned and a daughter who realized what that meant late in life may mean you have to walk a mile in those shoes. It’s a harsh reality that American’s face. Disappearing fathers. For daughters it makes us not trust men. For boys it makes the trust even more difficult not to mention confuses their roles as men. This article was about choosing to see the good in the men I chose and not the negative of someone leaving. I was counting blessings.
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