Every now and then I get on my notes and write some thoughts to share here on FB. In addition to my blog at RebaNietert.com; I try to impart my wisdom. (Although I understand some of you just don’t care what I think and I am okay with that. LOL)
The goal in life other than Maslow’s is to achieve great love. To be loved, to give it, to accept it and to be accepted by it. This goal is sometimes illusive for the younger generation. Shoot, it was hard to find for me! One of the things that comes to mind when I speak of love is that love for all the splendor it is – is just love. It’s not grand, it’s not soul supporting, it’s not touchable or provable, it’s just there. Sometimes you find yourself in an unrequited situation, and other times you live in the new “love bubble” for some time. Love can make you feel like you live on clouds or it can make your soul shutter in fear for the pain, which is inevitable.
To achieve great intimacy later in life, after the 25+ years of marriage one thing has to be abundantly clear. You have to communicate! The first and foremost is courage. You must be able to overcome the fears inside of you to allow yourself the freedom to fully trust another human being. That takes an insurmountable amount of trust. To keep this trust going both partners must agree on a variety of topics. What should happen if we fall in love? Could you see yourself with me for a lifetime? What would happen if we had kids? How would we raise them? What kind of parent do you want to be? The list goes on and on and on. Make your “What’s important to me” list now and discuss this with your partner. You’ll be surprised at the differences and the similarities.
One thing is for certain. We all become that which we fear or that which we know. If we have a parent who is dominant and that is the parent we most identify with, they become (unbeknown to our subconscious) our culture. In the end that is who we become. We can use our intellect to overcome knee jerk responses of negativity that could come from a genetic trait, or control issues we’ve witnessed from our parents or even mini-explosive anger episodes because our parents taught us that was the way to emotionally handle our disappointments. We are all intellectual individual thinking humans, who can have the courage to define our relationships the exact way that we want them. We can toss aside self-sabotaging behaviors and really impact our own lives in a powerful way.
Bottom line? Action! You have to be willing to identify your own insecurities, your patterns, your self sabotaging ways that stop you from receiving the blessings that have always been in store for you. The ONLY person who can change your life to be what you want it to be is you. Talk to your partner. Get on the same page, and agree to live your life on your collective agreed-upon terms because once you do that, both will be contented in the relationship and intimacy will follow. Formula 101. Trust me it works.
Even when you get off track, you both can get right back on. Remember people are just people too. Sometimes they disappoint us. Sometimes they hurt us. Sometimes they come through. No one and I do mean NO ONE is 100% perfect all the time so if you’re one of those, “I am right but they need to”–people? Well, this formula might not work for you. If you’re a real person who generally cares for the other partner in your life, this is a perfect time to lay down what you have been taught, what you have been burdened with, what you have learned, and come together mutually to define both your lives in the manner both of you see fit. Good luck!
Thanks for reading… Rebecca Nietert