Tag: #Author

amwriting, Inspiration

Lay Down Your Worry…Again

Reba Nietert

In all the busyness that has become my life, sometimes I forget to blog. Life takes a turn, emotions become raw and you drudge through without thinking about how you feel in the moments that unfold without your permission and way beyond your control. In short, it takes a minute to reserve the moment to reflect on what’s happening in this season.

For me, my son went off to the army two months ago. My daughter began a new job. my husband and I bought a new house. My gifted child was failing two grades, the middle child was not turning in homework and the youngest child has decidedly abdicated her life. The fallout from such things create enough stressors that can’t be described in great detail in a simple blog.

Suffice it to say that my emotions have run deep, high, out of control and sometimes triggered without my permission. I have from time to time wanted to cry. If you know anything about me or have read any prior blogs you will know that it is almost an impossibility to allow myself the luxury of tears. After all the guilt-ridden condemnation from others lies deep within my psyche stating that my feelings are not as important as others are solidly ingrained that I am quite literally often sick to my stomach.

I find myself angry and sad because it’s ever so unresolved and out of control. I think of myself as somebody who forgives and moves on quickly, but I think that’s true only when I’m able to process through the emotions I have in such a way that allows me to grow into the stability of who I have become. You can imagine the discourse I am having while struggling with these interpersonal issues.

Here is what I know, everything is going to be alright. It always is. This glimpse in this hurried season is merely a blimp in the span of 80+ years that will hopefully become my life. Big picture? This too shall pass! How to handle it? Focused, driven to be kind, tolerant, excepting and ultimately find unconditional love.  Now, if I could just get there…

Life is about choices. Period. We can choose to dwell in the muck, We can choose to be selfish, we can choose to be narcissistic, we can choose to be angry, we can choose to be sad, we can choose to allow all of this to create who we are or we can choose to lay the angst down, give it to God and hope for the best. I made a decision today to do the latter.

I hope you join me. And I hope somewhere in the midst of all that you removed from your life, somehow we can break bread, drink wine and give it closure.

To learn more about a visit:

http://www.rebanietert.com



amwriting

You’re Invited-DFW 2019 Author Gala

Reba Nietert

On September 27, 2019, we will be hosting the largest Author gala where all literary professionals come together for one social event. The idea is to encourage, inspire, and lift up a fellow author by sharing his or her work. In turn, they will share yours.

Our mission is to be the number one resource for authors in DFW.  Our platform is designed to provide authors with connections to contractors such as:

  • Illustrators
  • Editors
  • Cover Designers
  • Formatters
  • Coaches
  • Publishers
  • Agents
  • and all literary professionals.

Our goal is to connect professionals with the authors who need them. In addition to networking, we have designed fun, intellectual gatherings for like-minded individuals in social typesetting to interact, share, support and encourage.  We will host a variety of events including networking, “tea-time,” one on one meetings to face challenges head-on, instruction, and all kinds of support.  Our annual Writer’s Retreat is not to be missed. Please feel free to check our online calendar to see the upcoming events, and if at any time you would like to participate in the festivities please subscribe to our email and consider becoming a founding member.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/networking-with-the-author-gala-tickets-70017970635

amwriting

Secret To Perfect Intimacy

Reba Nietert

Every now and then I get on my notes and write some thoughts to share here on FB. In addition to my blog at RebaNietert.com; I try to impart my wisdom. (Although I understand some of you just don’t care what I think and I am okay with that. LOL)

The goal in life other than Maslow’s is to achieve great love. To be loved, to give it, to accept it and to be accepted by it. This goal is sometimes illusive for the younger generation. Shoot, it was hard to find for me! One of the things that comes to mind when I speak of love is that love for all the splendor it is – is just love. It’s not grand, it’s not soul supporting, it’s not touchable or provable, it’s just there. Sometimes you find yourself in an unrequited situation, and other times you live in the new “love bubble” for some time. Love can make you feel like you live on clouds or it can make your soul shutter in fear for the pain, which is inevitable.

To achieve great intimacy later in life, after the 25+ years of marriage one thing has to be abundantly clear. You have to communicate! The first and foremost is courage. You must be able to overcome the fears inside of you to allow yourself the freedom to fully trust another human being. That takes an insurmountable amount of trust. To keep this trust going both partners must agree on a variety of topics. What should happen if we fall in love? Could you see yourself with me for a lifetime? What would happen if we had kids? How would we raise them? What kind of parent do you want to be? The list goes on and on and on. Make your “What’s important to me” list now and discuss this with your partner. You’ll be surprised at the differences and the similarities.

One thing is for certain. We all become that which we fear or that which we know. If we have a parent who is dominant and that is the parent we most identify with, they become (unbeknown to our subconscious) our culture. In the end that is who we become. We can use our intellect to overcome knee jerk responses of negativity that could come from a genetic trait, or control issues we’ve witnessed from our parents or even mini-explosive anger episodes because our parents taught us that was the way to emotionally handle our disappointments. We are all intellectual individual thinking humans, who can have the courage to define our relationships the exact way that we want them. We can toss aside self-sabotaging behaviors and really impact our own lives in a powerful way.

Bottom line? Action! You have to be willing to identify your own insecurities, your patterns, your self sabotaging ways that stop you from receiving the blessings that have always been in store for you. The ONLY person who can change your life to be what you want it to be is you. Talk to your partner. Get on the same page, and agree to live your life on your collective agreed-upon terms because once you do that, both will be contented in the relationship and intimacy will follow. Formula 101. Trust me it works.

Even when you get off track, you both can get right back on. Remember people are just people too. Sometimes they disappoint us. Sometimes they hurt us. Sometimes they come through. No one and I do mean NO ONE is 100% perfect all the time so if you’re one of those, “I am right but they need to”–people? Well, this formula might not work for you. If you’re a real person who generally cares for the other partner in your life, this is a perfect time to lay down what you have been taught, what you have been burdened with, what you have learned, and come together mutually to define both your lives in the manner both of you see fit. Good luck!

Thanks for reading… Rebecca Nietert

Inspiration

Resolution or Goal!?

Reba Nietert

I always begin the new year with a reflection of what I learned a year prior. With that being said this has been a complete blast yet very emotionally draining year. My beloved “state of mind” home was sold this year, my son moved to Colorado, and I learned that Dallas would be my home for the next several years. Every year I make a picture book for all my children, like a sort of yearbook for them to look back on the good things we did over the past year. So, when they look back on their childhood and the mundane tasks they had to overcome, they realize there were a lot of blessings along the way.

The night before 2019 has pushed 2018 aside, I sit wondering if I should spend the next year focused on creating more happy moments for the children or if I should focus on building my independent small press company? Do I have a right to dream at this point, or should I postpone the season of my personal success so that I can give them more opportunities for their success? I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 26+ years and I think I’ve paid my dues? So should I set goals and resolutions?

Here’s my mommy/businesswoman advice: we all have these questions. We all have that dialog that tells us we’re not doing enough for our kids, they won’t have a relationship with us if their childhood is not constantly happy, or we’re just not good parents. Give yourself a break! Kids will find our errors if we do everything right! You’re not perfect! Neither am I but after witnessing my grown kids tackle life I’m glad I’m not! In an effort to try to give my children everything I did not have I thought I had forgotten to give them what I did. I was wrong! My kids are happy independent adults making their way. They’re decent and honest. They don’t disparage other humans. They fight for the underdog. They both are faithful believers. How much more success is there?

Relax! Make your goals! Don’t be afraid to put yourself first sometimes because then when you do, that happiness will trickle down to those you love! You will teach your kids how to be a healthy happy adult! Find the right fit and balance for your own life!

Happy New Year! 🎊🎆🎈 May this year be all that you desire and bring reverence and respect from those you cherish!

amwriting, Inspiration

Why do we care so much!?

Reba Nietert

The other day, I posted some witty banter about a declaration. My statement was designed to make people think about the word “pride.” You see sometimes I am prideful and sometimes I am not. When I get haughty and I believe that I deserve a certain something, that’s when pretty much everything in my life takes a drastic turn from relationships to successful income to you name it. In addition to my efforts in transparency, I wanted to publish the statement so that in the next few days when I am not feeling so humbled, I can peruse through my social media and remember to let go of that which I cannot control.

Sadly, all it did was make people feel I was sad or make people feel I was desperate. Neither of which is true. My post said something like this: “there is peace in knowing that in 100 years whatever I did will not matter.” I wasn’t trying to go dark. I’m certainly not a quitter. I’m certainly not somebody who wouldn’t try to make an impact on society. That’s just did my make up.

I wrote that statement as a testimony of the actualization an understanding that comes from their ability to see I have no control. Therefore, when I tried to over exceed and put wealth as a tagline to my speaking or writing books or promoting other authors or publishing other author books, I am reminded that I can only do what I can do. I may never be The best Publisher, the best writer, the best speaker and somehow that gave me a sense of peace. I stopped trying to do it to be the best and started trying to do things that I love to do. And somehow, releasing that need to make my mark gave me immense peace.

That might cause anxiety for somebody else but for me, as a self-proclaimed control freak, today anyway, I’m a little bit calmer. The impact I have on today is only for the legacy I will leave behind for those I already know. I will have no impact on their children’s children. Somehow, learning to be the best person I can be so that my dialogue with myself is joyful, confident, and ultimately peaceful. After all, isn’t that what all of us want?

Why do you care so much? What’s the worst that can happen? Learning when to speak and what to say is profoundly as important as knowing when to shut up and be quiet 🤐! Lol Learning this fundamental art can be the difference between life long-lasting relationships with the legacy you want to leave versus a life filled with angst and torment from feeling out of control. I write this today as much for anybody who reads it as well as for myself for reference I don’t later date when I will certainly need it!

Take care, Reba

#AmWriting #Publisher #Writeangst #SpreadSomeLove

amwriting, books, fiction, Inspiration, Opinion, Reflection

Encouraging Inspiration…

Reba Nietert

When children are raised with more criticism than encouragement, discrimination, abuse, neglect, loathing, or condemnation; and then suffer PTSD from violent criminal acts, that child would sooner lash out than treat others with calm grace.  When a toxic parent (I hate that word) uses a long list of arsenal built over time such as lying, judging, abuse, using shame, manipulation, abandonment, humiliation and also criticisms to establish control over you, it’s not okay.  

Christians must understand they are to revere parents. To respect despite how they act, the words they use, or how they lead their lives.  In this difficulty, that many struggle with behavioral challenges they find increasingly difficult to navigate through.  This concept is good in theory from a Proverbs 31 woman or a man raised with Timothy, but become increasingly difficult with a parent who falls extremely short of that kind of maturity.  Nonetheless, it is still called us.   

The negative behaviors that cause emotional damage are designed to control a child’s behavior but deliver merely doubt for their own importance, their worth, that they are deserving of love, of approval, of validation and that they are insignificant.  To be taught that God loves above all rubies and jewels are merely words to these children.  The concept of such love is so foreign that they live their lives in utter confusion. 

It does not matter the depth of love you have for someone, if they remain broken and unwilling to change their brokenness, they will only continue to damage you from the inside out.  No amount of self-reflection nor explanation will fix the brokenness inside you. So to keep the relationship you love intact, you must come to terms with the truth that you may need to understand appropriate boundaries, you must understand that you will be the stronger one and that the pain they cause may bubble up from time to time.  So do not flog yourself over weakness for the choice to love them despite their actions, because that is quite a strength.  Put up an emotional forcefield and allow their comments to bounce off you.  

You may have been led to believe that you’re not lovable, smart enough, beautiful enough, capable or funny enough, or for that matter enough of anything. You may get an onslaught of well-armored attacks on you, but do not let that faze you.  Own only the mistakes you make. Do not personalize someone else’s inability to take responsibility for their own actions.  That will only cause you more anguish and suffering.  Allow them to sit in their contempt as you break the bondage of their emotional control over you.  That’s the best thing you can do for yourself. 

My suggestion is for you to write down that which holds you back.

  1. What do the challenges that get in your way look like?  Use facts!
  2. Next to the emotion you’re challenging, write what that’s costing you.
  3. Then write the emotion you want to replace the harmful ones. 
  4. Find ways to refocus your mind on the positive in your life. 

Thoughts drive feelings, feelings become actions and actions define our character.  Just write one or two to get started, and pretty soon the fog will clear and you will begin to feel how precious you are to those who love you, and how precious you are to you.  It is extremely challenging to alter your perspective simply by forcing your mind to focus on the good, but it can be done. This holiday season I wish that for you.  That and all the blessings that were always intended for you before you were born. May this give you some healing.