Author: Rebecca Nietert

Speaker, Inspirational Motivator, Networker, Cheif Cook, & mom of five children, 2 dogs, and 3 cats. Wife of a good man, and think outside-the-box entrepreneur.
Human Interest, Inspiration, Journal Entry, Opinion, Reflection

Love Begets Love…

Rebecca Nietert

I will never understand the woman who gets offended and instead of discussing whatever it was that offended her, she screams, blocks you, and then doesn’t listen to the other side. To me, it’s like a child. If a woman is shown love, then she must resolve the conflict with love & understanding. If not, the relationship is selfish, one-sided, and doomed. There are some temper tantrums you just cannot come back from. Sad 🥺 but true.

Recently, someone acted this way to me. She said quite simply, “I spoke my mind.” She felt that’s all she had to do, and it didn’t matter how it was delivered. She felt she had a right to speak her mind and not be accountable for her emotions or the things she said poorly or violent in anger. The person to whom the anger was directed, was supposed to acquiesce to whatever she believed, and that was that. Everything would be fine if nobody contradicted her. When I tried to explain she was taking things in my life personally, I was promptly blocked, mocked, publicly chastised, and then called passive-aggressive for trying to be graceful through it. I needed to work on how I would handle it. The more of the conversation continued the more insults came my way, and none were returned. Didn’t matter. She got two other people involved and they began acting the same way. Eventually, it became a witch hunt. And by that I mean the women whom I showed love to desperately tried to “find something” to be offended about. It’s the old adage… “When you look hard to find the offense, you won’t have to look long.” No person is perfect, so make sure that you’re above reproach before you condemn.

What I find is confusing is that the people can pretend to be professional or even loving or even fairly put together well, but in essence, for those of us that do not bear the gift of desertion, they can often be a brooding storm just waiting to burst. It’s OK to remind yourself, that your friendship has value when you find people like this in your life. It’s OK to affirm yourself, and not listen to hateful words. It’s OK to stay on your path and always do the right thing despite how somebody else acts. That’s what being a woman of character is and then it’s OK to light the match and set the bridge on fire if it continues.

“SUN IS RISING” tomorrow is a new day.

Godsdaughters

Introducing God’s-Daughters.com

Rebecca Nietert

When 2021 began, I was excited about the possibilities. During 2020 (the year of Covid) I hurt myself at work picking up some weights. I continuously begged my doctor to look at my shoulders because I had such tremendous pain. She determined it was my age, and nothing really needed to be done. Several months later the pain grew until finally in my first of the year consult on the first of January when I set my date for annual checkup, she told me that I had frozen shoulder. To many this should come as no surprise, but to me it did. Frozen shoulder is typically a result of no action with the arms for a period of time. I am an extremely active person. Confused, I agreed with her diagnosis and immediately went into in home physical therapy. Clearly, there was an issue because the pain only increased. But hold on, we will get there…

Every year a woman my age must go through a series of preemptive tests to ensure her health. I decided that this year I was going to do it in the winter, verses the summer, and get them all done. We did blood work, and a batter of questions on the first part of January, 2021.

Around the 8th of January, my middle daughter fell and hurt her knee in softball practice. After an expensive emergency room visit we found out we had to take her to an orthopedic surgeon. I knew of one, having just taken her younger sister a few years earlier. I called, set the appointment and off we went. During the visit, I asked the doc, “hey do you know about frozen shoulder.” He quite knowingly smiled, and replied, “Yes, of course I do.” Then he asked me to show him my range of motion and asked a few questions and then he stated, “your doctor is wrong. You have two torn rotator cuffs and I suspect a labrum tear in your shoulder.” After I gasped loudly, I asked him how he knew that. He simply stated his years of practice and expertise. Then he asked me to undergo a series of tests that included a CT and MRI with contrast. For the record, my daughter had 4 “fractures” that healed in six weeks and she is fine.

The day of the tests come and I am quite rightly scared out of my mind. They put me in a gown, and then they lay me out on a MRI table where they inject a serious needle into the painful part of my shoulder, to put the catheter of die in it. This is excruciatingly painful. I didn’t take pain meds after my C-section, and this was so painful I wanted to bolt upright and hit the son-of-a-bitch who shot me with the damn needle. 4 hours later, I left.

The morning of the 12th I receive the answer of my shoulders. Yes, I have the exact issue with my rotator cuffs as he thought, but guess what, now I have a tumor in my left shoulder. Which one should we do first. The right that hurts more of the left. That’s the day I am supposed to see my PC doc. I go in, and she tells me that my liver is not functioning like it should. Then she tells me that not only that but the pancreas has stopped producing insulin. So either go on a diet, or I may need a liver transplant in no time. So, no sweets, no alcohol, no carbs and I should be okay. She gives me a list of over 200+ things I cannot eat. Great!

The 12th was not a good day for me. Then we discuss the whole sex and aging thing. I had a complete hysterectomy, and the fact I am not on hormones concerned her. She said I needed to go get checked out by an OBGYN in Irving. I did as she asked. Docs orders, right? And so I take my happy butt down to Irving and get violated. The new doc says she thinks I can benefit from putting an electric prod up my hoo-ha, and giving it voltage. She says that it will stop the whole peeing when I choke or laugh. Then as if I am not mortified enough, she says she needs to do it once a week, and that has to last 8 weeks. Then she comments, “It may or may not work, oh and insurance doesn’t pay for it. Oh and by the way, you can’t have sex when we do this.” When I looked at her, steal gaze in my eyes, I couldn’t speak. She took that to talk further. “Oh and here is some cream you can put up your hoo-ha that will give you a better sexual experience. This tube should last you 4 months.”

I had a 45 minute ride home that day. I thought about what the doctor said. Then it hit me, I cannot drink, I cannot have comfort food, I cannot eat chocolate, and now I cannot have sex. I have to have surgery on both my arms, and I have a tumor no one can reach until surgery. Think about that if that was you. I wanted to scream! Who tells a woman my age that?

Needless to say, I fired my doctor, called the OBGYN and told her to take her upsell and stick it, and yeah, I started my diet. New doc says all my blood levels are fine. Still working out the whole rotator cuff. Apparently I have the 5% gene that has nerve issues with surgery, so that’s painful, but I take it one day at time and getting through it.

2021 mid months are proving to remind me how many people love me. My mother has been a tremendous help, putting her life on hold for this woman who cannot use both arms. My daughters have pitched in and are literally doing my laundry and cooking dinners. My husband makes the bed, and does a lot of cooking too. It is the year where priorities switch, and I learned that telling my story matters more than just keeping it to myself.

That is why I created God’s Daughters. We all go through life issues. Not all at the same time, but each of us has her own struggles. I would love to hear yours. If you feel so inclined please share and we can guest post for you. I would really love that. Every voice matters.

I am listening…Reba

Inspiration

Worthy of Love, by Jacob Nightingale

Rebecca Nietert

“We instinctually measure our self-worth based on our perceived value to the tribe that surrounds us, and unfortunately, I am a rocket scientist on a football team.” 

Find your Tribe, and there you will discover your value. Find your willingness, and there you will decide your worth. 

We were all innocent once. A child; vulnerable and uncertain. We struggled to make sense of the world. Nothing was certain except for our undying love and devotion to those we valued. We gave our trust freely to those we loved, without reservation. We would do anything to please them, and give anything to see them happy. There is no greater devotion than the love of a child and every child wants to believe they are loved equally in return. A child is always seeking feedback and reassurance, because they want to know one thing—if they too, are worthy of love. Our body may have grown and our spirit has matured, but that child still wants to know, “am I worthy to be loved?”

Worthiness is measured, not by how much you are loved, or by how much love you have been given. Worthiness is measured by how much love and devotion you are willing to give.

A child is born willing to give ALL their love and devotion; no one is more worthy of love than a child.

Like all children, we’re all pure potential. Our Will is the very essence of our potential and we are free to create ourselves however we choose. Is there a such thing as worthless potential? 

No one is worthless; we are all a work in progress, and our progress, our worth, is based solely on our willingness to learn, grow, and improve.  

While we can measure our “value” based on our past contributions and accomplishments, it’s solely based on another’s appreciation and value for what we gave. However, our worthiness, is only effectively measured by our willingness to give, and whether we did the best we could with what we had.

Are you worthy of being a friend, parent, leader, partner, spouse, doctor, student, artist, author…?

Love is the devotion to creating value, contributing, supporting, actualizing dreams, and nurturing growth, improvement, creation, and connection. If your worthiness is based on your willingness to give love and devotion, you need only to ask, “How much love and devotion am I willing to give?” This is your worthiness.    

Are you worthy of Leading? 

How much are you willing to give those that choose to follow you; to nurture, inspire, guide and support their growth and improvement?

Are you worthy of being a parent?

How much are you willing to give your child love and devotion; to support their development, to offer comfort and safety, and to nurture their growth?

Are you worthy of being a friend or romantic partner?

How much are you willing to give love and devotion to the relationship, to nurture each other’s growth and aspirations? 

Are you worthy of creating success?

How much are you willing to give to reach your objectives?

Are you worthy of love and devotion from another?

How much love and devotion are you willing to give?

While we cannot state another’s worth, we can decide if it’s “worth it” to give. When you give to someone, you are investing a part of yourself to them, and for someone to be worth it, they must be willing to accept and willing to invest. If someone is unwilling to give, how can they be worthy of what we are giving? If they are unwilling to grow and improve or to contribute and nurture growth, how can they be worthy of our support and contribution? If someone is unwilling to give love and devotion, is it worth it to give them ours? We cannot allow ourselves to give to those that are unwilling, and if we are unwilling, we are not worthy of what others are willing to give. 

It’s amazing how this simple shift in perception can change everything; it can break down the chains of self-doubt, worry, and insecurity. You don’t need to ask whether someone else finds you worthy. You can measure your own worthiness and the worthiness of those you keep in your life. If you are willing to give love, you’re worthy to be loved, and you are worth every ounce of love you have in your heart. That small child can find peace and comfort, knowing that no matter how much they were cast aside, forgotten, or unfairly challenged, they always have been and always will be “worthy of love.”

Inspiration

Why don’t more women look sexy as they age?—by Nancy LiPetri

Rebecca Nietert

While what’s sexy may be in the eyes of the beholder, we have to admit the 50-and-better years make it harder to feel like we’re as attractive as we ever were. Yes, I’m of that age, qualified to add my two cents worth, and I love to write about the subject.

First of all, I’m not talking about celebrity sexiness. I’m looking at sexiness in the real world: my neighbor who still hops on a motorcycle to feel the wind in her hair with her hubby who has none…the friend in yoga class whose skin glows and natural silver hair looks effortlessly chic, who astounds us at 70…the pickleball partner who rocks spandex at age 64, pumps iron and still works with the police…the artist who paints nudes and won’t hesitate to pose for same.

Do each of those, real women I know, share a common body shape, look or lifestyle? No. Some are married, one widowed, one without a current partner. While they define sexy to me, each of you might have a different type in mind. Yet high on the list of what most people say constitutes sexy is confidence. 

Age usually breeds confidence. Hey, what an advantage! My own hubby says I’m sexier now than I was at any younger age. I think I see proof otherwise in old photos, yet he insists it’s true. And I have to admit, his smile lines and savvy make him sexier than ever—but let’s leave men’s aging to another post. 

As my characters remark, we women have so much going on in our heads that can squelch or stoke sexiness. Many of us were brought up to suppress it at every age. Did your mom seem sexy? Our different cultures/upbringings surely influence what we perceive. One woman’s sexy is another’s dull…one’s daring or even promiscuous is another’s normal or playful. Some applauded this year’s Super Bowl halftime while others thought it went too far beyond what cheerleaders show us all year round. But back to non-celebrity mojo, here.

All that said, by this age we may have had children, empty nest, career, grief, illness, being a caregiver, whatever’s in your mix. It’s too easy for women to put ‘sexy’ on a back burner, thinking you’ll get back to it, then realize you’ve forgotten how to connect to it. Some crash into a midlife reawakening (I’ve heard much on that from readers of my first book). Some give up on being sexy along with giving up dating/marriage, saying it’s more trouble than it’s worth and that they’re content. 

My conclusion is sexiness fits into each journey differently. And some women are so unconventional (meet the MC in my second book) that they may not immediately strike us as sexy. But just because one of us doesn’t see the sexy in another doesn’t mean someone isn’t telling her she’s sexier than ever. In the end, who are we to judge? 

Find Nancy and her novels at:

https://www.facebook.com/nancy.lipetri

http://nancylonlakenorman.blogspot.com/

Inspiration

Please Don’t be Cruel

Rebecca Nietert

It’s absolutely true. “The most important lesson I learned this past year is, do not let anybody make you cruel. No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of its own medicine, it is never worth losing yourself.” That’s my mantra. My platform. 

This past year I have felt powerful joy, in the midst of great loss and conflict. A decided choice to free yourself from the burden of owning someone else’s strife is epically life-affirming. When I get on stage and tell my story and the unbelievable relief I felt when the shackles of my forgiveness cracked, it is my hope that through the words of affirmation, others can choose their perspectives as well. 

Do not own the falsehood of another. Just because someone approaches you and shows that they are upset, does not mean that their pain is your guilt. Most of us want to smooth things over, fix the problem, engage. Sometimes, however, people cause strife and it is not your responsibility to own that petty behavior. It’s not your job to make them feel better. What it is doing is robbing you of your joy by allowing their inability to navigate their own emotions to imprint on your soul. 

Here’s what physiologically happens. The body begins to produce hormones and then cortisol and the adrenal glands pump furiously. Your body begins to store that negative chemical imbalance in your organs, your brain, and muscles. It takes ownership of your soul. Once you engage in the listening, allowance, and tolerance of these emotional outbursts, you have decided to allow this fundamental occurrence within your body. There is no turning back from that. Your joy is robbed. Your mood changed, and nothing except a full course of sleep can change it. No wonder people come home stressed, overworked, exhausted and worried. The chain reaction has begun. 

As a relationship strategist, I have learned that a graceful approach to this type of energy is warranted. Simple request, “While I appreciate you wanting to include me in your difficulties, you are simply robbing me of my joy today. Can we put a pin in this and discuss this topic at a later date?” There are times when you are in the mindset to be supportive, but it is not okay for someone to surprise you without the benefit of boundaries. Also, please note the other person will then have time to exit the limbic brain and could potentially resolve the issue on their own once their brain is back into critical problem-solving. 

Keeping your mind focused on kindness, grace, and ultimately joy will prove positive results that you have never dreamt of. When you have perfected the art of living your best self, pay it forward to others so that they too can find joy in their day. Paying kindness forward helps to curve the angst and worry we all feel. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people also gives depth and new meaning to your new life. 

Thanks for listening. 

Reba

Human Interest

Words Matter Most

Rebecca Nietert

Most people who truly know me, know that I am past the point of idle gossip, unproductive banter and I am more transparent than I should probably be. The great thing about this journey I have been on, is that self actualization allows me to emrbace both the good and the not so good things that people do. What I struggle with is the intollerance of someone’s unwillingness to accept that they’ve emotionally reacted to a situation that did not call for it. In short, their inability to accept responsibility for their prideful, or their conflict causing behavior forces me to push these individuals into an aquaintence circle so that they can do harm outside of my life. I don’t want the unnessessary conflict in my life. My life is chaos enough with natural occurances, I certainly don’t want to introduce more.

I have also believed that words are important. Just because someone says words doesn’t make those words true, and equally just because words are spoken that doesn’t mean they are not true. What one must do is gage whether the words are kind, if the words mean well, or if the words they choose are selfish, prideful, intolerant or likewise. After all, we are all guilty of such behaviors.

Words matter. When you’re out there today upset by that car that almost hit you in traffic, or the boss who just yelled at you, or even the co-worker that stabbed you in the back in some harsh way, your behavior says a lot about how to view your life. For me, I want to protect the peace I have earned. I am less tolerant of the high school-ish drama people create.

Even I must say words of encouragement through times when I push people out of my circles. People push back. They come at you from different directions because they’re emotional and they want you to understand their feelings. This type of mentality comes from a selfish point of view. If you don’t have the inclination for such behaviors either, I encourage you to push back with graceful truth and join me in paying positive words forward.

May peace find you, and may that resonate and touch others…

www.RebaNietert.com 

amwriting, Inspiration

Lay Down Your Worry…Again

Rebecca Nietert

In all the busyness that has become my life, sometimes I forget to blog. Life takes a turn, emotions become raw and you drudge through without thinking about how you feel in the moments that unfold without your permission and way beyond your control. In short, it takes a minute to reserve the moment to reflect on what’s happening in this season.

For me, my son went off to the army two months ago. My daughter began a new job. my husband and I bought a new house. My gifted child was failing two grades, the middle child was not turning in homework and the youngest child has decidedly abdicated her life. The fallout from such things create enough stressors that can’t be described in great detail in a simple blog.

Suffice it to say that my emotions have run deep, high, out of control and sometimes triggered without my permission. I have from time to time wanted to cry. If you know anything about me or have read any prior blogs you will know that it is almost an impossibility to allow myself the luxury of tears. After all the guilt-ridden condemnation from others lies deep within my psyche stating that my feelings are not as important as others are solidly ingrained that I am quite literally often sick to my stomach.

I find myself angry and sad because it’s ever so unresolved and out of control. I think of myself as somebody who forgives and moves on quickly, but I think that’s true only when I’m able to process through the emotions I have in such a way that allows me to grow into the stability of who I have become. You can imagine the discourse I am having while struggling with these interpersonal issues.

Here is what I know, everything is going to be alright. It always is. This glimpse in this hurried season is merely a blimp in the span of 80+ years that will hopefully become my life. Big picture? This too shall pass! How to handle it? Focused, driven to be kind, tolerant, excepting and ultimately find unconditional love.  Now, if I could just get there…

Life is about choices. Period. We can choose to dwell in the muck, We can choose to be selfish, we can choose to be narcissistic, we can choose to be angry, we can choose to be sad, we can choose to allow all of this to create who we are or we can choose to lay the angst down, give it to God and hope for the best. I made a decision today to do the latter.

I hope you join me. And I hope somewhere in the midst of all that you removed from your life, somehow we can break bread, drink wine and give it closure.

To learn more about a visit:

http://www.rebanietert.com



amwriting

You’re Invited-DFW 2019 Author Gala

Rebecca Nietert

On September 27, 2019, we will be hosting the largest Author gala where all literary professionals come together for one social event. The idea is to encourage, inspire, and lift up a fellow author by sharing his or her work. In turn, they will share yours.

Our mission is to be the number one resource for authors in DFW.  Our platform is designed to provide authors with connections to contractors such as:

  • Illustrators
  • Editors
  • Cover Designers
  • Formatters
  • Coaches
  • Publishers
  • Agents
  • and all literary professionals.

Our goal is to connect professionals with the authors who need them. In addition to networking, we have designed fun, intellectual gatherings for like-minded individuals in social typesetting to interact, share, support and encourage.  We will host a variety of events including networking, “tea-time,” one on one meetings to face challenges head-on, instruction, and all kinds of support.  Our annual Writer’s Retreat is not to be missed. Please feel free to check our online calendar to see the upcoming events, and if at any time you would like to participate in the festivities please subscribe to our email and consider becoming a founding member.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/networking-with-the-author-gala-tickets-70017970635

amwriting, books, Human Interest, Inspiration, Opinion, politics, Reflection, Revelations

An Army Family Now – Momma’s Tears

Rebecca Nietert

The other day I watched my 24-year-old independent son join the Army. I watched him realize he had a fully successful independent life that he was giving up, to be owned by our U.S. Government for our freedoms. I watched the pride in his eyes. I felt pride in return, and then I cried… for days.

 Today I am better. Filled with some purpose for my own life. 

I keep thinking about him and the last moments that we talked about. I replay every conversation, everything he said to me, and why he chose to go into the Army. 

I suppose to some, I seem ungrateful, maybe not appreciative of his own choice. You need to know that I am very proud that my son would give up his freedom for mine. That in and of its self is honorable. 

I cannot completely identify the pensively, the apprehension, the fear, the understanding that not all boys go in and come home; and I suppose it’s because of the things I have seen and the things that happened to me, that has not happened to the majority of people. I, more than anyone understands how quickly a life can be over and how quickly life can leave you devastated in despair! 

I’m not clear on why the tears continue to fall… I just know that I can’t stop them on my own, but what I don’t need to be told is to shove my feelings aside or be told my feelings shouldn’t matter or be told that I have no right to feel the way I do. I keep thinking of the Bible passage about God forcing Abraham to sacrifice his son on the alter because to me, that’s what this feels like. My faith needs to be as strong as His! 

We are an Army family now and as such, there’s a reality we can’t lie about. My good friend, Dennis, said to me, “He is defending an idea. An idea that is enshrined in the Declaration of independence and the Constitution. The idea that we all have the same inalienable rights. He is there to defend our way of life. Only two people in history to offer their life for yours are Jesus Christ and the American Servicemen.”

I used to believe in idealism too. Sadly I believe and this is just my belief that Americans have moved so past “inalienable rights“ and become so incredibly selfish that I have no faith the president who is our commander-in-chief above all others, will have any less regard for the American population. I digress because this is not about my pride for him, his pride for his country, the idealism of America nor even the pompous jackass who runs it. This is about my love for my boy, plain and simple.

Human Interest

When Is Enough – Enough?

Rebecca Nietert

I’m up late again, with worry running through my brain. It’s not enough to worry about my son going into the Army or even the relationships my kids have. Add bills, commitments, interpersonal workings, cultivating relationships, a marriage, ailing family members and animals and a whole slew of stressors and you have one wide-awake woman!

It’s not really my fault. I wasn’t taught how to manage my fears. Just to submerge myself in the worry of it all until I have just had enough! Then and only then does courage take a foothold. The cycle is similar to passive/aggressive but offers more angst along the journey.

Life I have learned has a funny way of smacking you right in the face when you least expect it. Sometimes it hurts so badly that it shakes the very will to live and other times its just movement to get you pointed in the right direction. Either way, to most, including me, sometimes change can be downright painful.

The question is what to do about people within a company who go out of their way to hurt people for selfish reasons? What makes someone want to hurt another person? Why do they do it and then hide behind others to get their way. Why do some people initiate harm and then are surprised by the outcome? My son says it’s a ‘disconnect’ with people. That they haven’t learned to be compassionate.

I have to ask, where did parental teaching go? Surely every mom wants their child to be kind? Was that not instilled or did a collective group of kids become of age, and decide amongst themselves that rules of logic, kindness, respect no longer matter? Have the Kapernicks of the world tainted the general public to the point where there is no sense of independent intellectual thought and thereby believe it’s okay to act like a two-year-old? This question plagues me. Why do people find joy in harming others?

I ponder these questions. I stay up late at night wondering what on earth I can do to make an impact. Call out a false prophet? Call a manipulator one to their face? Hold someone accountable? What if one does that and all that does is cause the offender more anger and more brokenness? Do we just ignore it? Leave it alone? Move on? Please, tell me if you know that answer because when I point it out, I seem to be the only one burned.

Today someone sent me a horrible email. I wanted to make sure I felt the weight of his ability to bully me into compliance for posting a bad review. Yet, HIS company keeps contacting me! Threatening me! Proving my point how unbelievably inept they are. I just don’t understand people. Someone could have reached out, solved the problem, but nope. Just more intimidating tactics. It makes my stomach ache for a time when people were plainly civil to each other.

Well, I have written it down. Caused my brain to rest so late at night I will fall asleep. G’night y’all. Sleep well.