Tag: life

Inspiration

Worthy of Love, by Jacob Nightingale

Reba Nietert

“We instinctually measure our self-worth based on our perceived value to the tribe that surrounds us, and unfortunately, I am a rocket scientist on a football team.” 

Find your Tribe, and there you will discover your value. Find your willingness, and there you will decide your worth. 

We were all innocent once. A child; vulnerable and uncertain. We struggled to make sense of the world. Nothing was certain except for our undying love and devotion to those we valued. We gave our trust freely to those we loved, without reservation. We would do anything to please them, and give anything to see them happy. There is no greater devotion than the love of a child and every child wants to believe they are loved equally in return. A child is always seeking feedback and reassurance, because they want to know one thing—if they too, are worthy of love. Our body may have grown and our spirit has matured, but that child still wants to know, “am I worthy to be loved?”

Worthiness is measured, not by how much you are loved, or by how much love you have been given. Worthiness is measured by how much love and devotion you are willing to give.

A child is born willing to give ALL their love and devotion; no one is more worthy of love than a child.

Like all children, we’re all pure potential. Our Will is the very essence of our potential and we are free to create ourselves however we choose. Is there a such thing as worthless potential? 

No one is worthless; we are all a work in progress, and our progress, our worth, is based solely on our willingness to learn, grow, and improve.  

While we can measure our “value” based on our past contributions and accomplishments, it’s solely based on another’s appreciation and value for what we gave. However, our worthiness, is only effectively measured by our willingness to give, and whether we did the best we could with what we had.

Are you worthy of being a friend, parent, leader, partner, spouse, doctor, student, artist, author…?

Love is the devotion to creating value, contributing, supporting, actualizing dreams, and nurturing growth, improvement, creation, and connection. If your worthiness is based on your willingness to give love and devotion, you need only to ask, “How much love and devotion am I willing to give?” This is your worthiness.    

Are you worthy of Leading? 

How much are you willing to give those that choose to follow you; to nurture, inspire, guide and support their growth and improvement?

Are you worthy of being a parent?

How much are you willing to give your child love and devotion; to support their development, to offer comfort and safety, and to nurture their growth?

Are you worthy of being a friend or romantic partner?

How much are you willing to give love and devotion to the relationship, to nurture each other’s growth and aspirations? 

Are you worthy of creating success?

How much are you willing to give to reach your objectives?

Are you worthy of love and devotion from another?

How much love and devotion are you willing to give?

While we cannot state another’s worth, we can decide if it’s “worth it” to give. When you give to someone, you are investing a part of yourself to them, and for someone to be worth it, they must be willing to accept and willing to invest. If someone is unwilling to give, how can they be worthy of what we are giving? If they are unwilling to grow and improve or to contribute and nurture growth, how can they be worthy of our support and contribution? If someone is unwilling to give love and devotion, is it worth it to give them ours? We cannot allow ourselves to give to those that are unwilling, and if we are unwilling, we are not worthy of what others are willing to give. 

It’s amazing how this simple shift in perception can change everything; it can break down the chains of self-doubt, worry, and insecurity. You don’t need to ask whether someone else finds you worthy. You can measure your own worthiness and the worthiness of those you keep in your life. If you are willing to give love, you’re worthy to be loved, and you are worth every ounce of love you have in your heart. That small child can find peace and comfort, knowing that no matter how much they were cast aside, forgotten, or unfairly challenged, they always have been and always will be “worthy of love.”

amwriting, Inspiration, Uncategorized

Forgiving Ones Self is Harder!

Reba Nietert

When you have an extensive network, and you know a lot of people, you feel blessed when you can say you have more than five intimate friends. All my life, people have moved me from one house to another, from one city to another, and from one state to another. Networking became second nature.

Last night I learned that a man I’ve known for seven years passed away suddenly. He was a heavy drinker when I knew him, but that increased over time and the profound sadness of losing both his parents ended with the crescendo of Sorosis of the liver and failure of his kidneys. What could have been completely avoidable, ended by taking his life.

The minute I heard, thoughts of how I could’ve reached out flooded my soul. The guilt of not keeping in touch, not cultivating, not even picking up the phone to see if he was okay, because he was such a alpha male, that it never occurred to me he wouldn’t be okay?!

Which brings me to the topic of this discussion. It’s so much easier to forgive others when they offend us, then it is to forgive ourselves for our transgressions. How do you forgive yourself when you know there is something you could have done and yet did nothing? What are the steps that you take to forgive yourself?

Guilt is poison! You can’t hold onto it! It cannot be resolved! It is the toxic chemical that poisons your soul and your mind. Living with guilt is harder than living with pain or sadness because it is all consuming. Releasing that guilt is what is necessary, but when you have the understanding the fault lies with in your actions, how do you get to resolution?

Thoughts?!

Inspiration

Courage vs Bravery

Reba Nietert

In writing my character of the latest book, “Provocative Confessions,” I realized that I was trying really hard to explain why my heroine’s confidence was so badly shaken.  She has to learn that she’s always had the courage to live the life she wants. Something that oddly my readers have remarked, “she keeps doing over and over.”

One of the things that is apparent to me, is that change of ourselves is the hardest thing to do.  We hold these lies to be our truth, and those lies come from the people who have promised to adore us, but hurt us the most.  It’s no wonder the fear takes root and sometimes getting to the courage is harder than it may seem. Further most of us don’t really show our vulnerability and so we fight that battle alone.  The sense of unsureness, or that ever looming self doubt that sometimes stops us from having what we want the most.  In fact it seems that the very thing we fear, is exactly what we cause to happen.

A friend of mine, declares.  She has a wicked sense of justice and a strong understanding of biblical principals. I’ve learned that it is her opinion that people declare what they want in their lives, and in doing so get what they spend the most energy on.  Thoughts become our actions, our actions become our character, and so on.  Thank you CK, your steadfast maturity has really brought me to greater understanding, and I am profoundly grateful, you don’t hold me in contempt for my humanness. Your non-judgmental approach is epically refreshing.

In truth the word, “Brave,” shows up in the Old Testament of the NIV, 19 times.  It only shows up a few more times in other translations.  In the context of battling or fights of some sort you can see the word, “Brave,” only in the NIV and NOT in the New Testaments of the NIV, ESV, NRSV or the NASB.  Why do you suppose that is?

Websters Dictionary says that “Brave” means “adjective, brav·er, brav·est. 1. possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance. 2. making a fine appearance. 3. Archaic. excellent; fine; admirable.”  While I believe that is true, I think that to me Bravery is an action without thought, based solely on instinct and action.  It’s in the moment action, not well thought out or even bias.  It’s pure adrenaline induced.

My character is not brave. She’s thoughtful, and she’s complicated. She has a lot fears because she’s been hurt a LOT.  She’s been moved from the only place she felt she truly belonged into a world she thought she’d left behind. The north and the cold and the contemptuous people who live in it.  When she found herself back the midst of the friends who promise loyalty but deliver only betrayal, well, it’s more than shaken her confidence in her natural instincts. It brought her back to an brokenness she thought she’d left far behind.  She must learn that the courage is in her, she just has to choose it over the fear to perceive her life in the way she needs to find ultimate joy.  Only then can she live the life she wants on her own terms.

The dictionary says the word, “Courage,” is  a noun: “1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. 2. Obsolete. the heart as the source of emotion.”  Yes, it’s a noun verses an actionable reaction.  To me, that means that the 35 verses of courage that I know of in the bible (all of them) mean that overcoming fear is what we need to do.  Yes, “Bravery” to act on that choice is the last action, but courageousness comes from making a conscious choice to overcome that which as spent a long time torturing your mind and robbing you of your joy.

When I write my characters, I am constantly and acutely aware that each of us has all the good we could possibly see in each other.  I am also equally aware that just as we see what each other want us to see, something deep inside is lurking.  Some lie we’ve told ourselves. Some comparison we’ve just made.  Some shortcoming that we’ve indulged in. We all do it.  We all have that in us, even those who boast they do not, trust me they do.

Today as I close the chapter in this book and thereby get to the ending, hopefully helping my readers understand that the perfect season doesn’t last forever.  Life takes it’s ugly hand and events happen beyond or understanding or control.  I hope that in this new book, you can see the growth of Beverly through her self doubt, and fall in love with her again as the courage bubbles up.  She gets justified results from the women who have treated her in the worst of ways, and ultimately she falls back in the arms of her husband who miraculously ends up saving the day. Of course, we all have to believe in fairytales, miracles, and happily ever after… Well, at least I do!

Take care,

Reba Nietert

Human Interest, Inspiration, Opinion, Reflection, Revelations, The Children

Even Tweens Need a Little Hug

Reba Nietert

Did you ever have a moment when you want to sit down and ponder what just happened? How did my teenage or pre-teen daughter get so mean? I know she has real kindness in there? I’ve seen it with me. I felt the hugs. I know the love exists and yet somehow when this beautiful little girl turned thirteen, hormones changed my angel?

You’re not alone.  There’s numerous articles about this very topic!  Sometimes the impulsivity is just too much for their little minds and bodies to control. One thing I do is remind myself that if they were functioning adults and capable of determining what they should or shouldn’t do at any given moment I wouldn’t have to parent them.  Kids will of course be kids, and that’s okay.

Dr. Dobson says that kids have the right to test us, and we have the right not to allow them to get away with doing it inappropriately.  So when my little tester says things such as, “I hate you!” I simply look at her adoringly and remind her that no matter what she says or does my love is all enduring and will continue without condition.  Then of course I redirect more respectful communication because there is a line.

What I want to encourage is that line is movable.  Find out what battle has to be won and go with that. Everything else chalk up to the guilt she’ll feel once she has her own child and realizes how she’s treated you. Just know that’s coming. Honestly, it will.  So for now just hold steadfast in knowing that she doesn’t need you to be a friend no matter how interesting she’s becoming. She needs a strong and strict mom to set rules, determine justice and to keep the building of character/character/character.  That’s all you can do and the rest will work it’s way out.

Most of all, BREATHE!  Find other moms who are in the same boat and lean on them.  Have  your 10 minute rants and be done with it.  Finalize that to resolution and get back at it. They’re your precious babies even if they’ve grown into sarcastic and outspoken disrespectful tyrants from time to time. It’s their job to break the status quo.  It’s your job to reel them back in.  Also remember to HUG even if they don’t want it. Mom, they NEED it. So don’t feel the push back, just do it.

Have a cocktail with me tonight and as I clink the ever present imaginary wine glass (mine is stemless) I lift and salute a great mom who’s doing the best she can!  May every day make you feel as included and loved as possible, and may your children some day call you blessed.  Amen.

Human Interest, Inspiration, Reflection, Revelations, The Children

Epically Unfun

Reba Nietert

Very much like the title says, I have been told I am “epically unfun” by my three teens. When I remind them that the ONLY time I get cross with them is 1. When they do not do what they’re asked, 2. When they lie and tell me they did what was asked, 3. Go out of their way to complain or whine about what they have to do, and finally 4. Throw an attitude and make what’s asked of them torture for those around.  I explain that if they were pleasant with the knowledge that they have been given so much despite what they’ve lost; they should learn at their age that reciprocation is part of the deal.

What surprises me at every turn is how fundamentally wrong I am with the expectations. I expect kids to be decent little happy beings?  My bad!  Kids are great when you’re doting on them, giving them things, telling them how much you love them, but speak of disappointment and they turn into the little devils they are with all the eye rolling of a teenage queen and the lip speak of satan himself.

The thing is that in my head I think, “Well, they will understand if I just explain it to them.” You know what that brings? More opportunity for them to use my words against me, to manipulate an outcome they would rather have, and ultimately I still end up being the bad guy. I wonder, is it this hard for all parents?

Some people will “hate” on the truth that kids are not always the angelic creatures that they show on TV.  Kids are sometimes filled with contempt for their parents.  Kids who have lost parents like mine have conjure even more sympathy than normal.  If you set them in line parents want to tell you, “Well, they’ve lost their parents.” As though you don’t already know.  Rules have to be followed, restrictions and boundaries are part of life and ultimately building character isn’t easy.  Let’s face it we all wish we could have ice cream parties and cake.  At some point the daily list of homework, chores, and simply being respectful is going to come up.

I have to remind myself that I have been here before. I’ve raised two amazing adult children.  Both independent and capable of achieving great success.  They’re fine, despite I always felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants.  These kids will be too. Not because I’m a great drill sergeant, but because I love them.  My boundaries are to tell them they have restrictions they shouldn’t cross in life.  My rules are to teach them independence. My firmness comes from the fact that I know that unless they are successful in being in a harsh world when they’re of age, they won’t be happy.  It’s in love that I commit to teaching them there is a way to accomplish goals, and then there is just being lazy. You cannot do both.

Sadly, I still sit and wonder how I can say something and it be turned into something completely different from it’s intent. I sigh, heavily sometimes. I wonder if anything I do will enhance any part of who they are to become.  I wonder if they love me in some small way or if they even know the harshness of the circumstances we find ourselves in.  What do they really think? How do they feel?

I have to do what I think is best and hope that flying by the seat of my very wildly inappropriate pants won’t cause harm or foul to these precious souls I love with every fiber of my being. I pray that if I can sometimes get myself out of the way, they might actually learn the lessons they need to, and hopefully one day find happiness of their own. That’s what I think about all the time.

Inspiration, Reflection

Time to Serve Only You

Reba Nietert

One of the hardest things for me to do is to ask for something for myself because after I ask, I feel selfish.  In the era I grew up, women were taught to be “quiet about” the things that they could do better than a man. We were put in our places, told that we had a place along side a man, but certainly never in front of one.  Biblically we were taught that a woman’s place is in supporting her husband. The community of men aspired to get that message out to every single woman.  So, when it came time for me to want a little alone time (something every human on the planet SHOULD have) I felt selfish.

Today, I sit here knowing that after 3 harsh months of school, activities, behavior modification for the kids, husband schedules, date nights, friends, family, and my adult children I feel horrible that this is the first day I got to sleep in. What’s going through my mind? The numerous things I SHOULD be doing not the numerous things I COULD be doing. Instead of taking the day off for me, or carving out some much needed writing time, in my head is a laundry list of items that still need checked off.  “Ortho appointment for the eldest.” Check.  “Dry cleaning for my husband.” Check. “Pick up kids at three separate times.” Check. “Plan dinner so husband isn’t mad.” Check. “Take dog for grooming.” Check… and the list goes on and on. So much so that I honestly do not have two consecutive hours of my own.  There’s no time between travel and duty.

Nights offer no downtime because the kids are old enough to go to be at 10 o’ clock.  So after dinner, homework, activities and being available to “look at” my husband as I listen while he talks, there is no room to escape for some me time.  Life becomes all about pleasing someone else, and the more you do, the more they have no concept of the lengths that you go to make them feel included, happy, fulfilled; until you’re brain is completely fried and you’re an empty shell.  It’s a mother’s life and we have all felt those moments from time to time.  Serving other’s is a powerful gift, but when is it time to serve yourself?

My advice, is to do it. It’s that simple. Put off the chores and take a day off.  Go do whatever it is that fills your cup.  Whatever brings you a blissful moment.  If you have to ask in advance, stop beating yourself up. Your husband clocks out. Your kids some home. Your friends can wait.  You never clock out. You keep going like that annoying pink Energizer rabbit.  It’s time to replenish the batteries and NOT feel guilty for it.

Psychology today says, “Being alone allows you to drop your “social guard”, thus giving you the freedom to be introspective, to think for yourself. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence. Often, we are swayed by the thoughts, feelings, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior of those in our immediate sphere. Of course, you may ask others for their advice and opinions but ultimately, consulting yourself and making up your own mind about what you want to do will lead you into the life that’s best for you.”

Don’t wait. Make today great. Make it about you.  It’s normal and it’s so very necessary. For me? I am going to Louisiana to see my adult kids for one weekend. I’m leaving behind the people who need me the most so that I can gain a newer perspective about where I should lead them, about how much patience I should have and maybe gain some joy along my journey.  Just a moment of peace.  That’s all I ask. For me.

Inspiration, Reflection

Making Difficult Changes

Reba Nietert

Today we put an offer on a home that doesn’t feed into the school system the kids are in. I have mixed feelings. For months since school began this semester both girls pleaded with me to reinvent themselves somewhere where people didn’t know their back story. I have been tortured with this decision.

Their mom, Jen, built a beautiful city of amazing mom’s I truly connected with. I wish we could have become closer friends but that never happened. Partly because I was absent a lot or flying by the seat of my pants when I was here. Partly because everyone has an opinion of the choices I make and sadly they don’t think I’m making the right ones.

It’s hard to be under such a microscope. One is gifted, two have very special needs. Add local family drama and a whole slew of brand new modifications to their little worlds and you have one exhausted guardian.

I wish I could reassure those who say bring them to God, he’ll fix it. I’ve taught them the story of Jesus and will continue. To the ladies who forever wonder about their academic success, I’m paying attention. They’ve got A’s and B’s. To the people who question their state of mind, they see professionals. To the ones who fret about their loss; please know they’re so very loved. They want for nothing.

Sami rides horses. She and I do yoga. Laura plays piano and dances in addition to preparing for cross country. Brandon has 4 activities outside of school and many inside. Each child has 100% of my attention and focus on making them productive and happy adults.

I wish I could be the woman that others feel free to just be themselves around. I wish I could have kept what Jen created going. I’m not, and I know that my focus should be on building the village. I’m just so focused on keeping my family close, inclusion, tolerance, kindness and all the motivators and numerous activities that teach that.

When you hear about me moving them, before you judge me for my choices, put yourself in my shoes. There’s no way you could possibly know the daily struggles without knowing me. What you read on FB, or Twitter or see in a snap is a moment in the window of our complicated lives. We’re all just trying to get through the day.

If you’d like to remain friends ladies, please reach out. My life is overwhelmed with duty and I could really use some gal pals right about now! I’m always listening.

Inspiration

Making My Life Matter – 2015

Reba Nietert

I watch my sisters and my brothers go through some of the most difficult things in their lives. Mostly health issues that threaten their existence on earth. I wonder often, what I would do if by some chance tomorrow altered my reality? If I found myself in their shoes, walking their mile, at the end of my own life. Would I be angry? Would I be fearful? How come I do not ponder these questions as they open up to me? How can I listen better? Let them know they’re heard? That thought, that simple concept, makes me pause.

In the moments that come next, is the swell of pride, regret, joy, fears, and moments that make up what I call my life. Do I feel a sense of being alive? Did my life involve emotions that left every nerve open to new experiences? That’s what I set out to accomplish in my life. Cash nor security, no endeavoring to fit in, never enter into my equation. So did I accomplish what I set out to do, when I was such a young girl? The moments I can without hesitation say that this is true, is the moments I have felt the most joy in my life. Joy that comes from the depths of my soul knowing that I am doing exactly what I should be doing. Even if it comes with a little consequence.

I am a woman of introspection. I constantly self check to see if I am actually treating this wonderful existence given to me as the treasure it is, or if my doubts and fears about mankind in general taints my opinions or thoughts? So, I therefore ask myself if the things that bring me joy can combine with the audacity that it has always been part of my personality. The very same emotion that begs me to ask the question, “has any of the intense life I have created for myself impacted anyone else in a positive or profound way?” The answer scares me.

I believe in hope. In goodness. That common sense will eventually win in the end. That people are basically good although all of us possess some form of darkness that varies in degree. I believe in joy and not happenstance because that is merely moments of happiness. I believe in ever ending unconditional love. I care about emotions and passion, all of them that make us all who we are, down deep to our souls.

Having lived half a century I can tell you that without out a doubt I often feel invisible. As though my life, has only been an illusion. My thoughts and wishes do not matter. None of them will be taken into account and certainly if so, not for very long. The albums that store the thousands of photos I have chronologically placed in memoriam will not be shared, are not wanted? They’re my memories, and no one will share their importance, but me.

In furthering my ego, I often wonder if all the advice I’ve given my children landed on open ears. I would like to know if the love I provided my husband was enough to sustain him for his whole life? I would like for the books that I write to help women who are struggling come into confident valued people? I’d like for those writings to help the understanding of how to let the light in and let that remarkable action extinguish the dark. I would like for women to know they’re not alone. They’re not judged. We are all the same. Doesn’t matter what skin color or gender or race we come from we are all human beings putting on this earth to strive to something better than ourselves.

If today is the last day of my life, what profound impact could I have with some last words to my children? Would those last words matter? To my husband I would confess that I have been selfish. That sometimes my words are self centered and unfocused on love. I would ask him to forgive me for the moments when I wanted to give up on us. Moments when my respect didn’t come when it was warranted. I would tell him that the years that I share with him, are the best moments of my life. I want more of that, for all time. I would like to know him into eternity. I treasure the cards, the songs, the dancing, the meeting people, the sharing, the caring and all the things that have made us so happy all these years. When I look back, I can recall all the good and nearly none of the bad. That to me, is a successful relationship. Now, more than ever that desire to be with him, still resides deeply in my soul. It always will.

For my children, I have wanted them to be “happy productive members of society” but what I have learned is that is not a wide enough wish. I want their journey to be one of legends. I want for each the pain that comes from trying, the happiness that comes from unconditional love, the desire to try their hardest at whatever they choose to do, respect for each other and an abundance of friends who share their common interests. Ultimately forgiveness because that will be the one thing to keep their souls clear of the darkness that consumes the joys in our lives.

To my friends to know that the moments we’ve shared are real to me. That I sincerely feel blessed to know them. I am sincerely honored they call me friends. I’ve hurt so many people in my lifetime, because of my selfish desires, vanity, ego, etc.—that I cannot undo those things. I have lived with the regret of my part in all of that injustice to someone and forgiven all those who have unjustly accused me. So the end result is that I treasure all friendships close, far and wide. They’re gifts I take seriously. Every moment in that friendship means something to me, and as a collective accumulation of memories I could myself shocked, humbled, and ultimately thankful.

To the people I meet who I have tried to impart my knowledge, my experience, or my thoughts. Pay attention or don’t. This is your life not mine. Live it the way you see fit. I’m sorry I thought for one moment that what I have to say is any more powerful that anything you want to tell me. I should have listened more, and spoke less.

To the family that continues to love me despite my intolerance, impatience, or my apathetic approach to things I cannot understand. It’s my issue not yours. I have struggled with a path that God will see is just, fair and for Him. I continue that path. I continue to want to help. I wish for one moment that the family that I knew would see the woman I have become instead of the child they knew so long ago, for I am positive that if they did, they would know, understand that we could be close. The misunderstandings of yesterday would seem trivial, because each of us have our perspective of the rights and wrongs that we’ve felt. Everyone is at best, trying just to be heard, and I have been no different.

To the people I’ve counseled, supported, engaged with, lifted up, helped, fed, reached out to, etc.—Thank you for teaching me the gift of thankfulness, gratefulness and ultimate sacrifice. Without you, I would know the blessings I have been shown, and who to thank for it.

To my parents, who have set me on the course for my whole life. Without a doubt, you are who I have become. Regardless of my intent, what you were and how all of that was to me, is deeply engaged in all of who I have become. I value the lessons, I value the moments of great joy. I value you. Unconditionally, for I cannot do so without the expressed understanding that I have so many faults, erroneous decisions, moments of uncertainty or downright hateful actions of my own. I cannot throw that first stone. My love for you is abundantly unconditional.

In a few years post my death, no one will bother to visit, think of me, long for my existence. But I will know that while I was here, for the moments all that time is, that impacted others while I navigated through the space I was born into. That has to be enough for me. While in the millions of years the earth’s existence will continue, my life will mean nothing. I am merely an illusion, but for a small moment in time, for however short or long that is, my life mattered to someone. That gives me some peace.

Don’t take today for granted. Live it out loud, with joy. Leave the judgment at home, say hello to a homeless man, reach out to a family in need, pat an old friend on the back, and tell that someone who connects to your own soul how very much they matter to you. Talk to them. Tell them. Verbalize, because every one of us will meet each other in front of the pearly gates some day. We’re all on the same path to death, but there’s no promise that neither you nor I have tomorrow. May you truly comprehend the volume of that responsibility.

Inspiration

You Own the Power!

Reba Nietert

Do you ever just wake up and ask yourself, “what’s my purpose?” Then what usually follows is an onslaught of lies that we tell ourselves. “I’m not where I want to be!” Or-“I don’t have the life I dreamt for myself!”

There’s an old saying by someone unknown to me. “There are three sides to the truth. There’s my side, your side and then there’s the real truth.” At my age, what I’ve learned is that it takes tremendous courage to allow attitudes with retrospective actions to redirect our choices to the benefit of ourselves.

Sounds a little wordy, doesn’t it? The point is that your truth, what you tell yourself and what you allow people to tell you may be a lie.

Chances are you have the exact life you thought you wanted. You made your choices and designed you attitudes for the exact life your living. No one came up to you and said, “Poof! Here’s your life!”

You created it, just you, no one else. Which is the good news! If you created one life; even if you hate it, you have the power within you to create the life you want!

Chances are, by now, you’ve made all the important mistakes. Chances are you’ve identified what doesn’t work for you? If that’s the case you can outline what does! Once you do that you’ve identified what will make you happy; and that my friend is powerful!

You will now subconsciously begin putting your attitude in check and motivating others to assist you in your journey to the powerful motivators that begin to give you hope…Little tiny pieces of joy will return.

Inspiration, Uncategorized

Changing Your Perspective to Joy

Reba Nietert

A long time ago, a woman very harshly told me that joy was my choice. She said that if I could just see it, I could certainly possess it. She was rather insistent that I get out of my bad mood and what is tantamount to an attitude of just “get over it.”

People who are so maliciously impatient with those who are suffering often truly bother me. They say or act in inappropriate ways. If I wasn’t who I was and I didn’t understand that was more about her inabilities than it was about her worry for me I don’t think I would have come to the same conclusions, which was that she was correct.

I was losing my home, I was fighting for my life because doctors could not figure out why my immune system was attacking me, and for the most part I was becoming increasingly frail and thin. I was in a state of shock, despair and I was stuck there.

Here’s the deal, you and me and everyone on this planet has to process through the things that hurt in a healthy way. When we get stuck in one of those four or five stages of grief it hurts us in a more deeply affected way. That hurt lasts a lifetime. That’s where I was. I was stuck, and I blamed. I resented. I hurt.

When I stopped focusing on the pain, and began to focus on the things that made me smile, I began to realize I was capable of joy. That felt like a revelation to me. When I saw the innocence of children playing. When the sun shined. All of the little things that I took for granted seemed to magnify themselves just for my mental health. When I would get dizzy I began to make jokes about it and people felt more at ease. All of the sudden my world opened up to laughter which is the first step toward finding that joy.

Today might be the day that you feel is worse than the last, but Sweetheart, the only person who can turn this day around is you. No one is going to come and take your hand and force you to smile. You have to believe that you are worth it. You have to believe that you have options. You have to believe in the hope that in the huge span of your existence, this is a blimp of a moment that will soon pass. You’re going to be okay. You got this. It’s hard, and it hurts, but find something, anything that will make you smile. Latch onto it. Don’t let it go. Ride it out as long as that feeling lasts and get yourself healthier.

Do it for you. Find that joy. Good luck to you.