amwriting, Inspiration, Uncategorized

Forgiving Ones Self is Harder!

When you have an extensive network, and you know a lot of people, you feel blessed when you can say you have more than five intimate friends. All my life, people have moved me from one house to another, from one city to another, and from one state to another. Networking became second nature.

Last night I learned that a man I’ve known for seven years passed away suddenly. He was a heavy drinker when I knew him, but that increased over time and the profound sadness of losing both his parents ended with the crescendo of Sorosis of the liver and failure of his kidneys. What could have been completely avoidable, ended by taking his life.

The minute I heard, thoughts of how I could’ve reached out flooded my soul. The guilt of not keeping in touch, not cultivating, not even picking up the phone to see if he was okay, because he was such a alpha male, that it never occurred to me he wouldn’t be okay?!

Which brings me to the topic of this discussion. It’s so much easier to forgive others when they offend us, then it is to forgive ourselves for our transgressions. How do you forgive yourself when you know there is something you could have done and yet did nothing? What are the steps that you take to forgive yourself?

Guilt is poison! You can’t hold onto it! It cannot be resolved! It is the toxic chemical that poisons your soul and your mind. Living with guilt is harder than living with pain or sadness because it is all consuming. Releasing that guilt is what is necessary, but when you have the understanding the fault lies with in your actions, how do you get to resolution?

Thoughts?!

Inspiration

Security is a gift….

What many people don’t know about this girly “I love all things pink” girl is that I am basically a deep down tomboy. I love to fish, I love to camp and I love cars. Fast cars. Few understand that heart pumping, adrenaline rush that you get when you think about the hot throttle of something you know is faster than the wind. One year my boss Peggy Keckler (I sold cars for a living) insisted that I go to a track with other salespeople and learn to drive very fast with the help of professional race drivers like Lyn St. James. This way when the Lincoln Mark 8 came out, we could sell it because we compared it to the Toronado, the LC400 and the Eldorado. The race drivers were so hysterical. The guys that were in my car were so timid and then it was my turn. I got behind the wheel and did just what she said and I was doing it! I wasn’t afraid at all. Around the cones and the car literally lowered to hug the road in the curves. Of course I loved the wood grain on a Cadillac so as a girlie that was the Fav for me….but if I were a dude and wanted cockpit design and pure performance, I would go for that Mark 8 for sure! It was easy to sell after that. Today, I still love being behind the wheel. The traffic might congest a bit but if I am REALLY stressed, a great plug in IPhone one hour trip on the open country road still does the trick. The power and performance of a vehicle you love and trust = Priceless. That’s the security that we want to get with people…and sometimes those things are hard to come by. We see it on TV and we want that so much. We need that. It’s harder to have than it appears because people judge, convict and disparage. Once you find someone to share your time who doesn’t….treasure that. That’s a once in a lifetime friend. Remember people are fallible. If you can get through that and past all the things that aren’t just like you, you can begin to aspire to learning more of who they are…and that will feel just like the adrenaline of driving a fast race car. I promise.