In all the busyness￼ that has become my life, sometimes I forget to blog.￼ Life takes a turn, emotions become raw and you drudge through without thinking about how you feel in the moments that unfold without your permission and way beyond your control￼. In short, it takes a minute to reserve the moment to reflect on what’s happening in this season.
For me, my son went off to the army two months ago. My daughter began a new job.￼￼ my husband and I bought a new house. My gifted child was failing two grades, the middle child was not turning in homework and the youngest child has decidedly abdicated her life. The fallout from such things create enough stressors that can’t be described in great detail in a simple blog.
Suffice it to say that my emotions have run deep, high, out of control and sometimes triggered without my permission. I have from time to time wanted to cry. If you know anything about me or have read any prior blogs you will know that it is almost an impossibility to allow myself the luxury of tears. After all the guilt-ridden condemnation from others lies deep within my psyche stating that my feelings are not as important as others are solidly ingrained that I am quite literally often sick to my stomach.￼￼￼￼￼￼
I find myself angry and sad because it’s ever so unresolved and out of control. I think of myself as somebody who forgives and moves on quickly, but I think that’s true only when I’m able to process through the emotions I have in such a way that allows me to grow into the stability of who I have become. You can imagine the discourse I am having while struggling with these interpersonal issues.
Here is what I know, everything is going to be alright. It always is. This glimpse in this hurried season is merely a blimp in the span of 80+ years that will hopefully become my life. Big picture? This too shall pass! How to handle it? Focused, driven to be kind, tolerant, excepting and ultimately find unconditional love. ￼￼￼ Now, if I could just get there…
￼Life is about choices. Period. We can choose to dwell in the muck,￼￼ We can choose to be selfish, we can choose to be narcissistic, we can choose to be angry, we can choose to be sad, we can choose to allow all of this to create who we are or we can choose to lay the angst down￼, give it to God and hope for the best. I made a decision today to do the latter.
I hope you join me. And I hope somewhere in the midst of all that you removed from your life, somehow we can break bread, drink wine and give it closure.￼￼
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