In April 2016 our home grew larger with the addition of a 13-year-old teen, an 11-year-old tween girl and a 10-year-old little female angel. I had no idea what to expect except that I knew they would all be broken in different ways. They lost their parents due to cancer.
The first year, I learned a few things. 1. As the caregiver, guardian, chief raising officer; I was not allowed to complain about any part of the process without offending a majority of onlookers who believed I should be emotionally controlled over the whole terrifying experience. 2. The kids although tragically sad the first year would eventually be ok. 3. Once I took over their whole support group through the deaths vanished. Maybe they thought I was capable and that my strength ensured they could get on with their own lives. I am grateful for them don’t get me wrong, but the kids suffered more loss.
2017 was the “Year of the Firsts.” The first time they had birthdays without their parents. The first Mothers or Fathers Day. Dates were a huge deal. The tears that flowed that year could have filled rivers both by them and by me. I couldn’t stand to see them in so much pain!
The middle child was the hardest to connect with even though us two were the closest before I became the authority. Once that happened the pain inside her pushed back. The struggle between the both of us was epically out of control in no time.
I jumped into action and aligned support I respected and through DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) one day at a time we took this broken little girl and turned her into a secure happy and productively respectful child who submits to authority yet has her own sense of individuality.
Which is the reason for my blog post. I’ve decided to write my memoir up until the day I received custody of the children. I’ve purposely left the after for them because it’s their story to tell. A a writing coach I have tried to encourage them to write about their journey.
With that in mind, I want to announce the now 13-year-old will be starting a podcast to introduce her story and how she can through the pain. Check back often as we figure out how to do this, I will post the links to her story soon! I hope you tune in.
Take care, Rebecca