It’s absolutely true. “The most important lesson I learned this past year is, do not let anybody make you cruel. No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of its own medicine, it is never worth losing yourself.” That’s my mantra. My platform.
This past year I have felt powerful joy, in the midst of great loss and conflict. A decided choice to free yourself from the burden of owning someone else’s strife is epically life-affirming. When I get on stage and tell my story and the unbelievable relief I felt when the shackles of my forgiveness cracked, it is my hope that through the words of affirmation, others can choose their perspectives as well.
Do not own the falsehood of another. Just because someone approaches you and shows that they are upset, does not mean that their pain is your guilt. Most of us want to smooth things over, fix the problem, engage. Sometimes, however, people cause strife and it is not your responsibility to own that petty behavior. It’s not your job to make them feel better. What it is doing is robbing you of your joy by allowing their inability to navigate their own emotions to imprint on your soul.
Here’s what physiologically happens. The body begins to produce hormones and then cortisol and the adrenal glands pump furiously. Your body begins to store that negative chemical imbalance in your organs, your brain, and muscles. It takes ownership of your soul. Once you engage in the listening, allowance, and tolerance of these emotional outbursts, you have decided to allow this fundamental occurrence within your body. There is no turning back from that. Your joy is robbed. Your mood changed, and nothing except a full course of sleep can change it. No wonder people come home stressed, overworked, exhausted and worried. The chain reaction has begun.
As a relationship strategist, I have learned that a graceful approach to this type of energy is warranted. Simple request, “While I appreciate you wanting to include me in your difficulties, you are simply robbing me of my joy today. Can we put a pin in this and discuss this topic at a later date?” There are times when you are in the mindset to be supportive, but it is not okay for someone to surprise you without the benefit of boundaries. Also, please note the other person will then have time to exit the limbic brain and could potentially resolve the issue on their own once their brain is back into critical problem-solving.
Keeping your mind focused on kindness, grace, and ultimately joy will prove positive results that you have never dreamt of. When you have perfected the art of living your best self, pay it forward to others so that they too can find joy in their day. Paying kindness forward helps to curve the angst and worry we all feel. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people also gives depth and new meaning to your new life.
Thanks for listening.
Reba
Reba Nietert 