Inspiration

Please Don’t be Cruel

It’s absolutely true. “The most important lesson I learned this past year is, do not let anybody make you cruel. No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of its own medicine, it is never worth losing yourself.” That’s my mantra. My platform. 

This past year I have felt powerful joy, in the midst of great loss and conflict. A decided choice to free yourself from the burden of owning someone else’s strife is epically life-affirming. When I get on stage and tell my story and the unbelievable relief I felt when the shackles of my forgiveness cracked, it is my hope that through the words of affirmation, others can choose their perspectives as well. 

Do not own the falsehood of another. Just because someone approaches you and shows that they are upset, does not mean that their pain is your guilt. Most of us want to smooth things over, fix the problem, engage. Sometimes, however, people cause strife and it is not your responsibility to own that petty behavior. It’s not your job to make them feel better. What it is doing is robbing you of your joy by allowing their inability to navigate their own emotions to imprint on your soul. 

Here’s what physiologically happens. The body begins to produce hormones and then cortisol and the adrenal glands pump furiously. Your body begins to store that negative chemical imbalance in your organs, your brain, and muscles. It takes ownership of your soul. Once you engage in the listening, allowance, and tolerance of these emotional outbursts, you have decided to allow this fundamental occurrence within your body. There is no turning back from that. Your joy is robbed. Your mood changed, and nothing except a full course of sleep can change it. No wonder people come home stressed, overworked, exhausted and worried. The chain reaction has begun. 

As a relationship strategist, I have learned that a graceful approach to this type of energy is warranted. Simple request, “While I appreciate you wanting to include me in your difficulties, you are simply robbing me of my joy today. Can we put a pin in this and discuss this topic at a later date?” There are times when you are in the mindset to be supportive, but it is not okay for someone to surprise you without the benefit of boundaries. Also, please note the other person will then have time to exit the limbic brain and could potentially resolve the issue on their own once their brain is back into critical problem-solving. 

Keeping your mind focused on kindness, grace, and ultimately joy will prove positive results that you have never dreamt of. When you have perfected the art of living your best self, pay it forward to others so that they too can find joy in their day. Paying kindness forward helps to curve the angst and worry we all feel. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people also gives depth and new meaning to your new life. 

Thanks for listening. 

Reba

Human Interest

Words Matter Most

Most people who truly know me, know that I am past the point of idle gossip, unproductive banter and I am more transparent than I should probably be. The great thing about this journey I have been on, is that self actualization allows me to emrbace both the good and the not so good things that people do. What I struggle with is the intollerance of someone’s unwillingness to accept that they’ve emotionally reacted to a situation that did not call for it. In short, their inability to accept responsibility for their prideful, or their conflict causing behavior forces me to push these individuals into an aquaintence circle so that they can do harm outside of my life. I don’t want the unnessessary conflict in my life. My life is chaos enough with natural occurances, I certainly don’t want to introduce more.

I have also believed that words are important. Just because someone says words doesn’t make those words true, and equally just because words are spoken that doesn’t mean they are not true. What one must do is gage whether the words are kind, if the words mean well, or if the words they choose are selfish, prideful, intolerant or likewise. After all, we are all guilty of such behaviors.

Words matter. When you’re out there today upset by that car that almost hit you in traffic, or the boss who just yelled at you, or even the co-worker that stabbed you in the back in some harsh way, your behavior says a lot about how to view your life. For me, I want to protect the peace I have earned. I am less tolerant of the high school-ish drama people create.

Even I must say words of encouragement through times when I push people out of my circles. People push back. They come at you from different directions because they’re emotional and they want you to understand their feelings. This type of mentality comes from a selfish point of view. If you don’t have the inclination for such behaviors either, I encourage you to push back with graceful truth and join me in paying positive words forward.

May peace find you, and may that resonate and touch others…

www.RebaNietert.com