amwriting, Inspiration, Uncategorized

Forgiving Ones Self is Harder!

When you have an extensive network, and you know a lot of people, you feel blessed when you can say you have more than five intimate friends. All my life, people have moved me from one house to another, from one city to another, and from one state to another. Networking became second nature.

Last night I learned that a man I’ve known for seven years passed away suddenly. He was a heavy drinker when I knew him, but that increased over time and the profound sadness of losing both his parents ended with the crescendo of Sorosis of the liver and failure of his kidneys. What could have been completely avoidable, ended by taking his life.

The minute I heard, thoughts of how I could’ve reached out flooded my soul. The guilt of not keeping in touch, not cultivating, not even picking up the phone to see if he was okay, because he was such a alpha male, that it never occurred to me he wouldn’t be okay?!

Which brings me to the topic of this discussion. It’s so much easier to forgive others when they offend us, then it is to forgive ourselves for our transgressions. How do you forgive yourself when you know there is something you could have done and yet did nothing? What are the steps that you take to forgive yourself?

Guilt is poison! You can’t hold onto it! It cannot be resolved! It is the toxic chemical that poisons your soul and your mind. Living with guilt is harder than living with pain or sadness because it is all consuming. Releasing that guilt is what is necessary, but when you have the understanding the fault lies with in your actions, how do you get to resolution?

Thoughts?!

Inspiration

World Traveler Anyone?

Many times, my husband has asked me to have more of a “wanderlust” view of living our life together. I’ve moved so much that when I find friends who actually want to spend time with me, I love it!  To me, that spending quality time simply means, “roots!” It means everything, so when I feel change coming; it causes a certain discontent.

He’s very good at tapping into my need for constant growth.  Yes, I am addicted to learning new things. I read all the time, I pay attention to politics (not that I will discuss it here) and am fairly read well in several subjects including a few passions of mine.

I’m not a “traditional” girl. I know that! I don’t know why, but it takes getting on a plane or jumping in a car to reignite my sense of adventure which if I were even more honest with myself is the one genuine unique thing about me that makes the daily drudge of getting up to go to a meaningless job to make money for a house I could do without so that my kids can go to a school the love; all worth doing! Without my adventure all this life wouldn’t have imagination and thrills and joy and love! I highly recommend finding your bliss as I have found my renewed sense of adventure.

My proclamation doesn’t mean my friends mean less to me! Actually quite the opposite. They mean everything and I am blessed the want to be my intimate confidants! I pray that never changes and that after my journeys have ended that the happiness and joys I’ve found along my path will illuminate future generations everywhere along with the stories only my friends here. That is this is your only shot. If travel is your bliss, or change or growth, what the hell are you waiting for?!