Tag: joy

Inspiration

Worthy of Love, by Jacob Nightingale

Reba Nietert

“We instinctually measure our self-worth based on our perceived value to the tribe that surrounds us, and unfortunately, I am a rocket scientist on a football team.” 

Find your Tribe, and there you will discover your value. Find your willingness, and there you will decide your worth. 

We were all innocent once. A child; vulnerable and uncertain. We struggled to make sense of the world. Nothing was certain except for our undying love and devotion to those we valued. We gave our trust freely to those we loved, without reservation. We would do anything to please them, and give anything to see them happy. There is no greater devotion than the love of a child and every child wants to believe they are loved equally in return. A child is always seeking feedback and reassurance, because they want to know one thing—if they too, are worthy of love. Our body may have grown and our spirit has matured, but that child still wants to know, “am I worthy to be loved?”

Worthiness is measured, not by how much you are loved, or by how much love you have been given. Worthiness is measured by how much love and devotion you are willing to give.

A child is born willing to give ALL their love and devotion; no one is more worthy of love than a child.

Like all children, we’re all pure potential. Our Will is the very essence of our potential and we are free to create ourselves however we choose. Is there a such thing as worthless potential? 

No one is worthless; we are all a work in progress, and our progress, our worth, is based solely on our willingness to learn, grow, and improve.  

While we can measure our “value” based on our past contributions and accomplishments, it’s solely based on another’s appreciation and value for what we gave. However, our worthiness, is only effectively measured by our willingness to give, and whether we did the best we could with what we had.

Are you worthy of being a friend, parent, leader, partner, spouse, doctor, student, artist, author…?

Love is the devotion to creating value, contributing, supporting, actualizing dreams, and nurturing growth, improvement, creation, and connection. If your worthiness is based on your willingness to give love and devotion, you need only to ask, “How much love and devotion am I willing to give?” This is your worthiness.    

Are you worthy of Leading? 

How much are you willing to give those that choose to follow you; to nurture, inspire, guide and support their growth and improvement?

Are you worthy of being a parent?

How much are you willing to give your child love and devotion; to support their development, to offer comfort and safety, and to nurture their growth?

Are you worthy of being a friend or romantic partner?

How much are you willing to give love and devotion to the relationship, to nurture each other’s growth and aspirations? 

Are you worthy of creating success?

How much are you willing to give to reach your objectives?

Are you worthy of love and devotion from another?

How much love and devotion are you willing to give?

While we cannot state another’s worth, we can decide if it’s “worth it” to give. When you give to someone, you are investing a part of yourself to them, and for someone to be worth it, they must be willing to accept and willing to invest. If someone is unwilling to give, how can they be worthy of what we are giving? If they are unwilling to grow and improve or to contribute and nurture growth, how can they be worthy of our support and contribution? If someone is unwilling to give love and devotion, is it worth it to give them ours? We cannot allow ourselves to give to those that are unwilling, and if we are unwilling, we are not worthy of what others are willing to give. 

It’s amazing how this simple shift in perception can change everything; it can break down the chains of self-doubt, worry, and insecurity. You don’t need to ask whether someone else finds you worthy. You can measure your own worthiness and the worthiness of those you keep in your life. If you are willing to give love, you’re worthy to be loved, and you are worth every ounce of love you have in your heart. That small child can find peace and comfort, knowing that no matter how much they were cast aside, forgotten, or unfairly challenged, they always have been and always will be “worthy of love.”

Inspiration, Reflection

Time to Serve Only You

Reba Nietert

One of the hardest things for me to do is to ask for something for myself because after I ask, I feel selfish.  In the era I grew up, women were taught to be “quiet about” the things that they could do better than a man. We were put in our places, told that we had a place along side a man, but certainly never in front of one.  Biblically we were taught that a woman’s place is in supporting her husband. The community of men aspired to get that message out to every single woman.  So, when it came time for me to want a little alone time (something every human on the planet SHOULD have) I felt selfish.

Today, I sit here knowing that after 3 harsh months of school, activities, behavior modification for the kids, husband schedules, date nights, friends, family, and my adult children I feel horrible that this is the first day I got to sleep in. What’s going through my mind? The numerous things I SHOULD be doing not the numerous things I COULD be doing. Instead of taking the day off for me, or carving out some much needed writing time, in my head is a laundry list of items that still need checked off.  “Ortho appointment for the eldest.” Check.  “Dry cleaning for my husband.” Check. “Pick up kids at three separate times.” Check. “Plan dinner so husband isn’t mad.” Check. “Take dog for grooming.” Check… and the list goes on and on. So much so that I honestly do not have two consecutive hours of my own.  There’s no time between travel and duty.

Nights offer no downtime because the kids are old enough to go to be at 10 o’ clock.  So after dinner, homework, activities and being available to “look at” my husband as I listen while he talks, there is no room to escape for some me time.  Life becomes all about pleasing someone else, and the more you do, the more they have no concept of the lengths that you go to make them feel included, happy, fulfilled; until you’re brain is completely fried and you’re an empty shell.  It’s a mother’s life and we have all felt those moments from time to time.  Serving other’s is a powerful gift, but when is it time to serve yourself?

My advice, is to do it. It’s that simple. Put off the chores and take a day off.  Go do whatever it is that fills your cup.  Whatever brings you a blissful moment.  If you have to ask in advance, stop beating yourself up. Your husband clocks out. Your kids some home. Your friends can wait.  You never clock out. You keep going like that annoying pink Energizer rabbit.  It’s time to replenish the batteries and NOT feel guilty for it.

Psychology today says, “Being alone allows you to drop your “social guard”, thus giving you the freedom to be introspective, to think for yourself. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence. Often, we are swayed by the thoughts, feelings, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior of those in our immediate sphere. Of course, you may ask others for their advice and opinions but ultimately, consulting yourself and making up your own mind about what you want to do will lead you into the life that’s best for you.”

Don’t wait. Make today great. Make it about you.  It’s normal and it’s so very necessary. For me? I am going to Louisiana to see my adult kids for one weekend. I’m leaving behind the people who need me the most so that I can gain a newer perspective about where I should lead them, about how much patience I should have and maybe gain some joy along my journey.  Just a moment of peace.  That’s all I ask. For me.

Inspiration

Just A City Girl Living in a Country World

Reba Nietert

Just a big city girl for sure. Along time ago I realized that I adore being close to everything a city offers. I love the theater, shopping, dining, art, and the intellect that educated cultured individuals bring to a conversation. I love café’s where I can sit and people watch. I love the hustle in the bustle that lends quickness to my day. Most of all I love that undeniable sense of purpose that everybody seems to have.

When my children were born, I was moved to the suburbs. “Sensible shoes” took the place of beautiful long leg extending strappy sandals. Sweaters took the place of button-down-flowing feminine looking shirts or blouses. All my scarves went into the closet. My dangly earrings put in storage. My wardrobe went from fabulous to functional!

The toughness of ball-busting formidable women in the city extends an even greater judgement from suburban housewives when one doesn’t comply with unwritten social etiquette of how to act around husbands and families. Step outside those bounds once and the paws and claws come out!

These women who make this “family style” living look like it’s a breeze are simply amazing to me. I think that I was that person once, a long time ago? I was so worried about the outcome of my efforts that I lost my own identity along the way. In short I pretended to have it all together so as to fit into a lifestyle I never wanted nor was ever comfortable with!

In my experience you can move into a neighborhood and it can be the worst or it can be the best. People can either support and create that village it takes to raise children or they can come at you with judgement and do everything they can to tear you down. I’ve been in both neighborhoods. The later is more prevalent for sure.

My neighborhood here on the peninsula of my 6 acres the back up to the Bayou somewhere in Louisiana is the Safehaven for me. It is real and it is peaceful. It is quiet. What resonates the most about the house is not as fancy Decour or price tag. It is the overwhelming sense of being one with all the elements around.

This home is the exception to the suburban rule because it has no restrictions on home, land or property. None on behavior or actions other than laws. It’s pure country living. I enjoy being here…until I can’t wait to get back to my strappy sandals and colorful tunics!

I have to say that everyone needs a moment of silence to squash the voices of self-doubt. I have had that and I feel grateful. However, as much as I fight it and want to stay it is time for me to get back to the city. It’s time to walk among the fast and furious. Summer for me is over. I’ve rested and I’m grateful for the relaxation, but it’s time for purpose to begin again.

Inspiration

Learning How to Forgive Through The Pain

Reba Nietert

Forgiveness is not for the one who hurt you. Holding on to the hatred and pain toward that person only hurts you. The perpetrator is going about their lives completely unaware of the resentment you are harboring. Even if they know about it, they have already rationalized their behavior and probably learned to forgive themselves. So, the only one holding on to it is you.

Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the pain of carrying the weight of an emotion that can and will rob you of your future joy.  It’s about learning to let go. It’s about understanding that forgiveness is a gift we give ourself.

I had the people in my life who I thought hurt me and I confronted them.  There’s a saying. When we have conflict we feel our own pain.  When we begin to define a resolution to our pain, we find their truth exists, our truth and somewhere in the middle is what really happened. If you’re a mature problem solver you can meet somewhere in the middle of that to earn some respect for both individuals.  Thats’ when the healing begins.

A friend came up to me and asked, “What if that person isn’t here? What if they died?”  To that I replied this simple phrase, “Forgiveness is about you, not them. They don’t have to be here for that.” That my friends is the simplest truth of the forgiving process.

Find a quiet place.  Take two chairs, and place them facing each other.  Sit in one and convince yourself that the person who hurt you is in the other.  Talk to that person. Shout at that person. Yell until you cannot yell anymore.  Then imagine that person getting up and walking away.  That’s what they have already done. Your closure isn’t important to them. You’re feelings don’t matter. How you remain in the pain is of no consequence.  Now, are you going to let that person have that much control over your life-for the REST of your life? Are you really going to allow someone to hurt you? To continue to cause you pain and harm time and time again? Are you going to allow them to steal your joy?

No! You’re going to then and there, decide to forgive them. You are going to decide that you’re NOT going to allow that person to give you one more days heartache over what they did to you. Deciding to take back your own feelings, your own pain, is a huge courageous step. It means you and you alone are going to be responsible for your emotions going forward. You can no longer “blame” anyone else. There’s no fingers to point.  You’ve made a decision to let it go and what an amazing decision it will be for you!

The shackles will break, the wave of relief will come and the light of your world will begin to appear.  I hope that if you have been harmed by someone, that this course of action will be the first thing that you do today. I would love to know you’re happy.

Everyone sins, just differently. Let’s all remember that. God forgives us when we ask for it. It’s important that we learn this graceful lesson to be forgiven my our Father in Heaven.  Do you think God sits around thinking of all your mistakes? No, he loves unconditionally. Learning to forgive yourself is a whole other blog. 🙂

Reba

Inspiration

You Own the Power!

Reba Nietert

Do you ever just wake up and ask yourself, “what’s my purpose?” Then what usually follows is an onslaught of lies that we tell ourselves. “I’m not where I want to be!” Or-“I don’t have the life I dreamt for myself!”

There’s an old saying by someone unknown to me. “There are three sides to the truth. There’s my side, your side and then there’s the real truth.” At my age, what I’ve learned is that it takes tremendous courage to allow attitudes with retrospective actions to redirect our choices to the benefit of ourselves.

Sounds a little wordy, doesn’t it? The point is that your truth, what you tell yourself and what you allow people to tell you may be a lie.

Chances are you have the exact life you thought you wanted. You made your choices and designed you attitudes for the exact life your living. No one came up to you and said, “Poof! Here’s your life!”

You created it, just you, no one else. Which is the good news! If you created one life; even if you hate it, you have the power within you to create the life you want!

Chances are, by now, you’ve made all the important mistakes. Chances are you’ve identified what doesn’t work for you? If that’s the case you can outline what does! Once you do that you’ve identified what will make you happy; and that my friend is powerful!

You will now subconsciously begin putting your attitude in check and motivating others to assist you in your journey to the powerful motivators that begin to give you hope…Little tiny pieces of joy will return.

Inspiration, Uncategorized

Changing Your Perspective to Joy

Reba Nietert

A long time ago, a woman very harshly told me that joy was my choice. She said that if I could just see it, I could certainly possess it. She was rather insistent that I get out of my bad mood and what is tantamount to an attitude of just “get over it.”

People who are so maliciously impatient with those who are suffering often truly bother me. They say or act in inappropriate ways. If I wasn’t who I was and I didn’t understand that was more about her inabilities than it was about her worry for me I don’t think I would have come to the same conclusions, which was that she was correct.

I was losing my home, I was fighting for my life because doctors could not figure out why my immune system was attacking me, and for the most part I was becoming increasingly frail and thin. I was in a state of shock, despair and I was stuck there.

Here’s the deal, you and me and everyone on this planet has to process through the things that hurt in a healthy way. When we get stuck in one of those four or five stages of grief it hurts us in a more deeply affected way. That hurt lasts a lifetime. That’s where I was. I was stuck, and I blamed. I resented. I hurt.

When I stopped focusing on the pain, and began to focus on the things that made me smile, I began to realize I was capable of joy. That felt like a revelation to me. When I saw the innocence of children playing. When the sun shined. All of the little things that I took for granted seemed to magnify themselves just for my mental health. When I would get dizzy I began to make jokes about it and people felt more at ease. All of the sudden my world opened up to laughter which is the first step toward finding that joy.

Today might be the day that you feel is worse than the last, but Sweetheart, the only person who can turn this day around is you. No one is going to come and take your hand and force you to smile. You have to believe that you are worth it. You have to believe that you have options. You have to believe in the hope that in the huge span of your existence, this is a blimp of a moment that will soon pass. You’re going to be okay. You got this. It’s hard, and it hurts, but find something, anything that will make you smile. Latch onto it. Don’t let it go. Ride it out as long as that feeling lasts and get yourself healthier.

Do it for you. Find that joy. Good luck to you.

Inspiration

You should have passion!

Reba Nietert

I wonder, at what point in someone’s life when they were either successful or not what it took to push them over the edge? When does a musician know he’s not going to be a national rock star? When does a chef know that he’s not going to be on TV? When do people with life-long dreams realize when they were going to push forward and not stop? What makes one person stop and give up their dream and another keep going and if they keep going what if they never get there? What if they never become a success? What if they fail and then there’s a new dream? What if….

As a writer this question is the fundamental question we all ask ourselves. What if my work isn’t good enough. Will I have to self publish and what if that work isn’t worth publishing? What if it’s not even good enough to be self published? ACK!?

Whether or not it is there is the basic concept that I wholeheartedly believe and that is that everyone has a story in them. They may not be able to tell it the way that it needs to be grammatically introduced, but they have their story. Every story is worth listening to. Everyones.

With that said, find whatever passion that lies within you and feed that. If you don’t believe that passion is worth fighting for? That’s not your passion. The thing you have to remember is that as we age, many of us grow in ways we couldn’t imagine. What may be your passion today may not be your passion tomorrow. The key is to know when to pursue and when to give up and try another passion.

Here’s the skinny. If you still get that adrenaline rush when you think about, the passion burns in you and it’s not time to quit. If you could care less anymore….you’re burnt. Take a moment, think, pause and reflect on whether or not that was ever your passion, if it can ever be again and if not what can replace it.

Good luck to you because everyone should have passion in their lives!

Inspiration

Lift Someone Else on Your Journey

Reba Nietert

Everyone has a moment when they ask themselves, “Am I being played?” That’s usually followed with “Are my needs being met? Am I happy? Why do I seem upset? What caused this? Can I fix it? Is it my fault?” Our self worth is undeniably attached to everything around us whether we want it to be or not. Acceptance is a general feeling that we try to achieve since early childhood. It’s the fundamental denominator of a series of accomplishments in work or relationships or child rearing that gives us our sense of belonging in this world. Few who don’t succeed generally have lower esteem than those who might exhibit a little narcissism and therefore reject criticisms and force themselves to think more positively. Of course, even a narcissist has depressive moments. Enough on the behavioral science of it, but suffice it to say that our wins in life is what gives us that ultimate sense of “I can do it.” Someone who believes in us is the icing on the cake. Even further someone who shouts our name from the rooftops because we touched them in a profound way is still even better. For some, however, those accolades never really come. They make bad choices, fail miserably and then cannot see the hope through the despair. Unfortunately these people don’t approach everyone and say, “I’m broken.” You have to be careful who you come into contact with because these people are fragile, on the verge of self destruction. How you reject what they wear, how they speak, the content of their words, matters. More than you probably know. So today, when you’re out feeling all confident in your abilities and you realize the limited patience you have with those who are not as capable as you are; remember, they have the same needs that you do and maybe a little more. Their emotions are exposed, and they might just need one small affirmation to get them started on a path that was intended for them. Don’t stop being who you are, but lift someone up along the journey.

Inspiration

Security is a gift….

Reba Nietert

What many people don’t know about this girly “I love all things pink” girl is that I am basically a deep down tomboy. I love to fish, I love to camp and I love cars. Fast cars. Few understand that heart pumping, adrenaline rush that you get when you think about the hot throttle of something you know is faster than the wind. One year my boss Peggy Keckler (I sold cars for a living) insisted that I go to a track with other salespeople and learn to drive very fast with the help of professional race drivers like Lyn St. James. This way when the Lincoln Mark 8 came out, we could sell it because we compared it to the Toronado, the LC400 and the Eldorado. The race drivers were so hysterical. The guys that were in my car were so timid and then it was my turn. I got behind the wheel and did just what she said and I was doing it! I wasn’t afraid at all. Around the cones and the car literally lowered to hug the road in the curves. Of course I loved the wood grain on a Cadillac so as a girlie that was the Fav for me….but if I were a dude and wanted cockpit design and pure performance, I would go for that Mark 8 for sure! It was easy to sell after that. Today, I still love being behind the wheel. The traffic might congest a bit but if I am REALLY stressed, a great plug in IPhone one hour trip on the open country road still does the trick. The power and performance of a vehicle you love and trust = Priceless. That’s the security that we want to get with people…and sometimes those things are hard to come by. We see it on TV and we want that so much. We need that. It’s harder to have than it appears because people judge, convict and disparage. Once you find someone to share your time who doesn’t….treasure that. That’s a once in a lifetime friend. Remember people are fallible. If you can get through that and past all the things that aren’t just like you, you can begin to aspire to learning more of who they are…and that will feel just like the adrenaline of driving a fast race car. I promise.

Inspiration

Need Help? Seek Help!

Reba Nietert

I was 21 and I was failing miserably at trying to take care of myself. I had no real education. On my own since 14, I barely managed to squeeze a high school diploma and college wasn’t affordable or obtainable. I was desperately trying to pay the rent but the jobs I got weren’t more than $4 bucks an hour. It was slim picking too. In the 1980’s America suffered the worst depression since the 1930’s. Many don’t remember walking in and finding entire neighborhoods with boarded up homes. Houston’s “addicks” had just that. People were getting rid of Cadillacs and buying Volkswagen Rabbits to conserve the gas. CNN brought the rest of the world to us and it was scary. I just needed food. With one can of “Chicken and Stars” in my cupboard I realized I was a few days from being homeless, and then I was. There’s really nothing like the pain of hunger. If our basic need is security and food then one of mine was missing. The ache is do deep it’s in your bones. Your head gets foggy, your mouth stops watering and a sense of nothing comes over. The only thought, concept, goal, is food and shelter…but food first. I wanted to live, to be alive, to survive, but I wasn’t making it. I was hungry and after cleaning up in public restrooms and using what money I did have to scrounge enough together for meals, I was flat broke, skinny, tired and angry because I couldn’t figure out how to get where I wanted. It was then I met someone who offered to teach me how to be independent. This is the lesson….when you’re hungry, and starving for whatever it is that you need, values, morals, and a real sense of right and wrong no longer become your focus. When you’re at your lowest and the pain is so powerful it’s hard to think of anything other than exactly what you need because human survival is such a powerful drive. Intellect, and it’s rationalization is a non factor. People make choices that determine their whole life because the moment they are in is so bad the piercing reality is to harsh to bear. Pause. If you live to be 80 then the moment you are in right now will soon be a blimp on the radar of your life. Taking time to really let someone know you need help can save you and your whole life. Get help. Get fed, even if it’s just your soul. If you’re hungry there are people out there like me who give a crap. Seek them.

I’m always available for a phone call or an email or comment if you’re really in trouble and need immediate help.