Copyright 2012 – Rebecca Nietert
Recently, my town was ravaged by a violent and troubling hurricane, leaving destruction in its wake. Despite the urgent calls from my in-laws and even an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen in years, I made the difficult decision to remain in place. I voiced my concerns on Facebook, but as the days passed and the power outage persisted, I found myself unable to update my online friends and family. What I didn’t have the chance to express was my genuine worry for my safety.
Eventually, circumstances forced me to hit the road, facing pouring rain as I made my way to Dallas. I documented my journey on my social media page, in an effort to keep everyone informed. However, in the chaos and difficulties I encountered, I ended up taking a few days’ break from posting. It was only after the holiday that I shared the relief of having safely returned home.
During lunch with a close friend, we discussed my experiences, and she mentioned how it would have been nice for others to have at least acknowledged what I had been through. If they couldn’t even do that, she suggested, it’s possible I’m not on their minds at all. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say.
Last year, when I attended my father’s funeral, I faced a heartbreaking reality. It seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, the insurmountable hurdle I couldn’t overcome. How is it possible that so many people didn’t know about my existence? Not a single photo of me adorned my father’s house, and he never spoke a word of me. I felt like a complete stranger, living in the shadows of my own life.
This wasn’t just a distant memory; it was my present reality. It served as a harsh wake-up call. The weight of this revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. They didn’t even know my name. My own nieces and nephews had no clue who I was. My sister’s children, in particular, seemed afraid to even engage in conversation with me. It was as if I had been branded, marked with an indelible label. I can’t help but wonder why. Could it really be based on a few posts on a Facebook page, as my mother suggests? I’m left pondering the inexplicable reasons behind this rejection, and all I feel is the sting of emotional turmoil.
Many people advise me not to let it bother me, but how can I not? These people are my family. Why shouldn’t it hurt that they don’t seem to care enough to reciprocate the love and affection I’ve shown them my entire life? I’ve been patiently waiting for them to acknowledge my existence, hoping to finally matter to them. I’ve poured out constant love, commitment, and taken meaningful actions, hoping for a connection that seems perpetually out of reach.
It’s a perplexing situation, but I believe it’s important to address these emotions and seek resolution. After all, family is a fundamental part of our lives. With time, understanding, and open communication, perhaps we can bridge this gap and create the meaningful connections we all long for.
When I reflect on my childhood, there are memories that are difficult to shake. The moments when my mother would pull me out of bed and harm me, I would find solace in dreaming of my father rescuing me. With a broken jaw and a fractured arm caused by my mother’s hands, all I could do was yearn for a family that didn’t inflict such pain. The vision I had for my life was far from the reality I saw before me. It’s funny how perception can shape our worldview.
Occasionally, a glimmer of insight surfaces, reminding me that I am not a priority in their minds. It’s a challenging truth to accept, but acceptance is necessary for my own well-being. I find myself grappling with discontent, a feeling that lingers.
Life’s journey is complex, and each of us faces our own set of challenges. It’s in these moments of reflection that we deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us. May we all find the strength to navigate the hardships and discover the peace and happiness we seek.
Reba Nietert 
Hey girl…. let me help lift you up right now. I have the luxury of a bit of time.
I think I might be the person you wrote about that you haven’t seen in a decade who demanded that you leave … maybe there are more of us. At any rate, I want you to know that despite the fact that I haven’t seen you, I care that you’re safe and sound and fulfilled every day with your loves and challenges. I know we don’t get to talk nearly as often as we need but I have maybe a little perspective that I tell myself often to help me with struggles like the one you’re currently facing and addressed with this entry.
You know all these cutesy quotes that we see all the time now? Yeah, those.. the tidbits of wisdom doled out now in brief snapshots because, anymore, most people have the attention span of a five year old. I saw one once that read something like “people come into your life for a season and touch you in an indelible way, good or bad, to help you learn something about yourself.” Then, it went on to say although we haven’t been together for several seasons, I’m thankful for our season together because of what it taught me about myself or the joy our friendship brought. I should have kept that somewhere. You’re in need of that reminder today.
It appears that your definition of “family” includes affirmation by those whom you’re related to by birth or marriage. Honey, you don’t need affirmation by your kin. Find your affirmation in the reflection of the eyes of your daughter and your son, the comfort in the knowledge that Scott loves you and helps provide for your safety and companionship. Find it in your friendships with people you see often and even in the brief interactions with strangers when there are just moments that are fun and joyous! I know you have those… I’ve been with you and I know you’re fun to be around. See all those moments as a mirrored reflection of yourself, not the silence of those others, as who you are.
You are a deeply introspective soul… probably the most thought-provocative person I know. In every human interaction, you come away with a deep lake of introspection and probably most everyone else walks away with a puddle. You are rare, Rebecca… and wonderful…. society needs people like you to help keep us from degrading into a culture like “Lord Of The Flies”. Tell yourself often that “this conversation will be a puddle to the other person” … but yours will be something complex and thoughtful. You see human interactions much like a symphony composed by Mozart and thank you, God, for you … I need your introspections to know how others think, and feel, and regard others. But, never forget… most people really don’t care about the subtleties .. they just want the “Like” button tapped. Sound familiar???
I love you… I am so thankful for all the moments I have had in your presence and the laughs and contemplations we’ve shared. I apologize for being absent in all those times when you have needed affirmations and compassion and physical presence to know that you matter. Put this on a sticky note on your computer, “Regardless of the miles that separate us, I matter to many… my soul is loved!”
Now… stop looking in the mirror framed by your “family” and stare into the looking glass of your “Godly family”.
And, lift your head, take a big cleansing breath and go out and enjoy your weekend!!!! It’s Friday!!!
Love you bunches!!!!
Leanna
Wow. Thank you. You’ve really touched my heart in very profound and meaningful way. You get me and I love that you do. Now, about that phone call? I have a very sore throat today. I will try and reach you later this afternoon if possible. If not, I will keep trying, because like you; I love you girl. You are absolutely amazing to me, and I’m so inspired by you every day. Thank God for you!