Copyright 2024 – Rebecca Nietert
I’ve shared moments from my past when life appeared blissful and uncomplicated. However, the elation I felt in those instances was soon shattered by the horrors of violence. This is my personal story, distinct from my mother’s, and it’s essential to remember that there are always two sides to every narrative. It wasn’t until later in life that I came to realize the undeniable inaccuracy of my own perspectives and the distorted lenses through which I viewed the world. My memories had been shaped by fabricated tales, constructed to avoid shouldering any responsibility for my actions during my youth. My mother, too, battled her own personal demons, frequently succumbing to their influence.
In reconsidering my past, I approach it with caution, understanding the need to carefully evaluate the validity of my own recollections. It is a vital lesson I have learned on my journey towards self-discovery and awareness. By acknowledging the complexity of our individual stories, we begin to comprehend the fragmented nature of truth.
My mother’s story and mine are intertwined, yet divergent. Through introspection, I now understand the necessity of appreciating her struggles, her mistakes, and the battles she fought silently. We are all imperfect beings molded by the circumstances that surround us. Recognizing this truth has allowed me to discern the flawed nature of my own perspectives and narratives.
A Childhood Marred by Turmoil:
Growing up in the shadow of an emotionally damaged teen mother was fraught with difficulties. As a young child, I endured physical abuse, experiencing frequent, violent beatings that left both physical and emotional scars. Most of what I recall was fits of what I call blood rage. An uncontrollable urge to control a situation that one feels pain or loss or unfairness. This immature reaction was the status quo. The consequences of that torment was the removal of any sense of security. Her unreasonable explosions at any given time robbed me of safety. A battle I continue to struggle with today. Eventually, the English language became an escape from this painful reality, offering solace through literature, poetry, and stories that transported me to worlds far removed from my own.
Seeking Understanding and Empathy:
As I navigated my teenage years, a desire to comprehend my mother’s emotional turmoil drove me to explore psychology and self-help books. Through extensive reading and introspection, I began understanding the impact of trauma and emotional instability on individuals. Writing provided me with a platform to communicate my discoveries, fostering empathy and understanding among peers, educators, and eventually, even with my mother.
Discovering Inner Strength:
While the beatings continued, I discovered my own reservoir of inner strength, often rebelling and thereby increasing the frequency. I heard words of love from her tough detached lips only when guilt had consumed her. To hear them I would suffer the brutal force of her rage. I would egg her on. That was my culpability in our dysfunctional dynamic.
Breaking the Cycle:
Armed with newfound self-awareness and a thirst for personal growth, I vowed to break the cycle of violence that had plagued my family for generations. Drawing inspiration from my mother’s strength in overcoming her emotional demons, I sought therapy and professional guidance to heal my own wounds. The English language provided a safe space to verbalize my pain, explore healing techniques, and share my journey of personal transformation.
Embracing Forgiveness and Empathy:
Unbeknownst to me, my ability to forgive and empathize played a pivotal role in my journey towards healing. Recognizing that my mother’s actions stemmed from her own unresolved trauma and emotional instability allowed me to see her not just as my abuser, but as a vulnerable human being. I penned heartfelt letters to my mother, expressing my understanding and offering forgiveness, fostering a path to reconciliation and healing.
Engaging in creative writing, I poured my emotions onto paper, forming a narrative that empowered me to rise above my circumstances. With my communication, skills, honed, it offered me the means to articulate my pain, frustration, and resilience, transforming my experiences into a tangible testament of my journey.
Conclusion:
My path of overcoming violent beatings inflicted by my emotionally damaged teen mother has been one of resilience, self-discovery, and forgiveness. My prayer is to transcend my painful experiences, heal through writing, and ultimately find empathy and understanding. I hope to inspire others who have faced similar challenges to tap into their inner resilience, embracing the power of forgiveness and self-growth, and finding solace in the healing power of words.
Please Note: when I say, beatings or abuse, I am specifically talking about bruises that are able to be seen, muscles that are torn, and bones that are broken. The last occurrence at the age of 14. However, with all that revealed, my mother and I became best friends because when 2 people choose healing & forgiving, change happens. I live in a glass house and will throw no stone.
Reba Nietert 