Forgiveness is not for the one who hurt you. Holding on to the hatred and pain toward that person only hurts you. The perpetrator is going about their lives completely unaware of the resentment you are harboring. Even if they know about it, they have already rationalized their behavior and probably learned to forgive themselves. So, the only one holding on to it is you.
Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the pain of carrying the weight of an emotion that can and will rob you of your future joy. It’s about learning to let go. It’s about understanding that forgiveness is a gift we give ourself.
I had the people in my life who I thought hurt me and I confronted them. There’s a saying. When we have conflict we feel our own pain. When we begin to define a resolution to our pain, we find their truth exists, our truth and somewhere in the middle is what really happened. If you’re a mature problem solver you can meet somewhere in the middle of that to earn some respect for both individuals. Thats’ when the healing begins.
A friend came up to me and asked, “What if that person isn’t here? What if they died?” To that I replied this simple phrase, “Forgiveness is about you, not them. They don’t have to be here for that.” That my friends is the simplest truth of the forgiving process.
Find a quiet place. Take two chairs, and place them facing each other. Sit in one and convince yourself that the person who hurt you is in the other. Talk to that person. Shout at that person. Yell until you cannot yell anymore. Then imagine that person getting up and walking away. That’s what they have already done. Your closure isn’t important to them. You’re feelings don’t matter. How you remain in the pain is of no consequence. Now, are you going to let that person have that much control over your life-for the REST of your life? Are you really going to allow someone to hurt you? To continue to cause you pain and harm time and time again? Are you going to allow them to steal your joy?
No! You’re going to then and there, decide to forgive them. You are going to decide that you’re NOT going to allow that person to give you one more days heartache over what they did to you. Deciding to take back your own feelings, your own pain, is a huge courageous step. It means you and you alone are going to be responsible for your emotions going forward. You can no longer “blame” anyone else. There’s no fingers to point. You’ve made a decision to let it go and what an amazing decision it will be for you!
The shackles will break, the wave of relief will come and the light of your world will begin to appear. I hope that if you have been harmed by someone, that this course of action will be the first thing that you do today. I would love to know you’re happy.
Everyone sins, just differently. Let’s all remember that. God forgives us when we ask for it. It’s important that we learn this graceful lesson to be forgiven my our Father in Heaven. Do you think God sits around thinking of all your mistakes? No, he loves unconditionally. Learning to forgive yourself is a whole other blog. 🙂