In the six decades I’ve spent on this earth, I’ve heard the phrase “you’re too big for your britches” more times than I can count. It’s a phrase that, at its core, is meant to keep people—especially women—quiet, compliant, and small. It’s a way of saying, “Don’t draw too much attention. Don’t challenge the status quo. Don’t make anyone uncomfortable.”
The rules that come with it are familiar:
– Don’t laugh too loud.
– Don’t cry too hard.
– Don’t speak up unless spoken to.
– Forgive, forget, and never hold anyone accountable for how they make you feel.
– Above all, don’t make waves.
When these unspoken rules didn’t keep me in line, I faced other consequences—distance, abandonment, or even outright hostility. The message was clear: tow the line, or else. Your value is only as much as your willingness to comply.
But here’s the thing: I’m tired of it. And I know I’m not alone.
Why Do We Accept This?
Why do we accept a world where one person’s comfort is valued above another’s authenticity? Why is it considered noble to shrink ourselves so others don’t have to face their own discomfort?
It’s easy to internalize these expectations, to believe that speaking up is the problem, that our feelings are “baggage,” that our voices are too much. But what if the real issue isn’t that we’re “too big for our britches,” but that the britches were never made to fit us in the first place?
The Courage to Challenge
It takes courage to question the rules you’ve been handed. It takes even more to refuse to play by them. I’m learning that honoring my own voice isn’t an act of rebellion—it’s an act of self-respect. And it’s something we owe not just to ourselves, but to those who come after us.
Imagine what would happen if we all stopped bowing to the opinions of those who want us small. What if we held space for each other’s voices, even when they challenge us? What if we measured our worth not by how well we comply, but by how authentically we show up in the world?
An Invitation to Reflect
This isn’t just my story—it’s a challenge to all of us. Next time you find yourself tempted to silence someone, or to shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort, pause and ask:
– Whose rules am I following?
– Who benefits from my silence or my compliance?
– What would it look like to honor my own truth—and allow others to do the same?
Let’s be the generation that outgrows those too-small britches. Let’s encourage each other to take up space, speak up, and live fully—no matter who it makes uncomfortable.
Because real progress doesn’t happen when we all stay quiet. It happens when we dare to be heard. If that “triggers“ some, then so be it. Maybe they just need to look in the mirror. Maybe they’re not self-aware enough to know they’re part of the problem.
Reba Nietert 