Did you ever have a moment when you want to sit down and ponder what just happened? How did my teenage or pre-teen daughter get so mean? I know she has real kindness in there? I’ve seen it with me. I felt the hugs. I know the love exists and yet somehow when this beautiful little girl turned thirteen, hormones changed my angel?
You’re not alone. There’s numerous articles about this very topic! Sometimes the impulsivity is just too much for their little minds and bodies to control. One thing I do is remind myself that if they were functioning adults and capable of determining what they should or shouldn’t do at any given moment I wouldn’t have to parent them. Kids will of course be kids, and that’s okay.
Dr. Dobson says that kids have the right to test us, and we have the right not to allow them to get away with doing it inappropriately. So when my little tester says things such as, “I hate you!” I simply look at her adoringly and remind her that no matter what she says or does my love is all enduring and will continue without condition. Then of course I redirect more respectful communication because there is a line.
What I want to encourage is that line is movable. Find out what battle has to be won and go with that. Everything else chalk up to the guilt she’ll feel once she has her own child and realizes how she’s treated you. Just know that’s coming. Honestly, it will. So for now just hold steadfast in knowing that she doesn’t need you to be a friend no matter how interesting she’s becoming. She needs a strong and strict mom to set rules, determine justice and to keep the building of character/character/character. That’s all you can do and the rest will work it’s way out.
Most of all, BREATHE! Find other moms who are in the same boat and lean on them. Have your 10 minute rants and be done with it. Finalize that to resolution and get back at it. They’re your precious babies even if they’ve grown into sarcastic and outspoken disrespectful tyrants from time to time. It’s their job to break the status quo. It’s your job to reel them back in. Also remember to HUG even if they don’t want it. Mom, they NEED it. So don’t feel the push back, just do it.
Have a cocktail with me tonight and as I clink the ever present imaginary wine glass (mine is stemless) I lift and salute a great mom who’s doing the best she can! May every day make you feel as included and loved as possible, and may your children some day call you blessed. Amen.