What makes a woman so unbelievably anxious around other women? What makes one woman leer at another as though they’ve stepped out of civilization and into some third world wasteland where they must fight to survive? Why are women so competitive?
If you put an average woman in a room filled with woman we don’t know and sit back to watch. The fireworks are about to spark. No one can read her mind…but if we could? What exactly would she be thinking? (There are stereotypes for a reason.) I am discussing generalizations and not specific circumstances. I’m going to try and identify for you what it’s like to feel like the wallflower, the outsider, and the shunned. Maybe the next time the body language of the woman you’re looking at seems a little off you will know that she’s probably in the precise scenario I’m about to portray for you.
In my experience there are several outcomes of conclusion that women are. A woman might be the type who judges based on choices of attire weighing heavily their ability to care for themselves financially. Another might look at the body language and find some of the behaviors offensive. Some look at a woman and instantly think of something harsh. They don’t say it but it’s written all over their face just as though they’ve eaten something horrible. They cannot hide their thoughts.
One woman might look at another and see only a loving creature. I promise you that this type of woman is rare. I consider myself honored to know many of this type of woman. In fact, I try and surround my life with them. If you know her…please understand how blessed you truly are!
Most of the reactions from woman to woman that I have seen are fraught with tight pursed lips of judgment waiting for that other woman who is speaking to show any sign of weakness. Then and only then can the judger feel as though she has elevated herself and she can feel superior. This deduction is self-evident and what I find is the most pronounced goal for many women. It’s the one endeavor that gives the judging-woman in question absolute acceptance without the benefit of giving it. It’s something I perceive everywhere and an attitude that I toil with every single day.
One little girl hides in the closet because mommy’s been drinking and she’s afraid she’ll be beaten again. There’s a little girl who sat on her bed and cried because daddy never came home. There’s a little girl who wants to earn her place in her family and diligently fights for respect. There’s a little girl who hides in the back of a classroom, because her intense shyness causes her to alienate herself from other children. There’s a teenager who is so modest that the simple attention from a boy causes her cheeks to flourish red. She could be that awkward skinny girl with no shape that never got asked to the Prom or the braces that she had to wear when she should have been in her dating years. Consider a fearful young woman unable to care for herself when she leaves home. There’s a girl who’s been rejected by the worst kind of man who she allowed to bruise her heart. There’s a woman who just lost a position to another woman with less skills. There’s a woman who got married and thought it was forever but found out it wasn’t. There’s that woman who walks into a bar and everyone notices but no one notices that she looks that great because she’s empty inside. There’s a woman struggling with her weight and one who cannot gain weight. There are women who have lost fortunes and women who have fortunes who lose themselves. There are women who struggle to stay positive and women who are positive despite their struggles. There are those who do not understand transparency because their fear of being hurt, and women who hurt because no one sees them. There’s sickness and pain and loss and grief that a woman cannot escape because all wrapped up in one tight bow is an element that if you spend any time on this planet you will be all these women.
I have been all these women. I have been beaten and tortured and loved and sick and healthy and big and small and happy and filled with despair. I have not been every one of these women at the exact same time. Life changes and with all those changes is the human condition of hope that in the next day something incredibly magical will happen. Even when times are not bad, that hope that joy is just around the horizon keeps most women moving toward whatever goal that they’re currently undertaking. This movement is measurable; it is without a doubt worthy and should absolutely be praised by other women. It takes insurmountable courage to want something and act upon it. The choice for some to enter the workforce every single day is tantamount to exacting that courage to face whatever insecurities and fears she has. While it may seem easy for some, the realization is that we as women all know that judgment and condemnation await us at some point throughout the day and that sword of injustice will probably come from a woman.
Why is it that American’s had such a hard time with Sarah Palin? Its prime example that a woman can make errors but she will expect any other woman who stands against the imperfect society that man made to be flawless. Women who choose a position of authority require a further element of commitment to your courage. You must invoke a thick skin and be tolerant of those who will judge you if you falter one moment. Leadership for a man is much easier because men realize the imperfection of each other. Leadership of a woman from a woman is so much more harshly judged. Why is that?
Again, I have an amazing boss. She’s a woman. I have amazing co-workers who are women. I have an amazing daughter. I have an amazing sister and maybe I’m just blessed, but I have a whole bunch of amazing women that I call my friends. I love them without judgment or condition and remind them of that when they begin to divulge what they think are my faults. I don’t judge. I won’t do it. I won’t for one minute begin to imagine that I don’t live in a house with glass walls, ceilings and tile or for that matter, one moment that glass wouldn’t break if I threw a stone. I’ve been every woman, and I am here to tell you that unless we all begin to realize that each of us are not the enemy we will truly begin to see each other with the love and consideration let alone tolerance that each of us should be entitled to. Before you judge today or come to that conclusion in your mind based on what you know…pause. Rethink where she is, in perspective of where you are and be a little nicer, more tolerant and look at her through the eyes of our Lord as he loves you.
Reba Nietert 