Inspiration

Just A City Girl Living in a Country World

Just a big city girl for sure. Along time ago I realized that I adore being close to everything a city offers. I love the theater, shopping, dining, art, and the intellect that educated cultured individuals bring to a conversation. I love café’s where I can sit and people watch. I love the hustle in the bustle that lends quickness to my day. Most of all I love that undeniable sense of purpose that everybody seems to have.

When my children were born, I was moved to the suburbs. “Sensible shoes” took the place of beautiful long leg extending strappy sandals. Sweaters took the place of button-down-flowing feminine looking shirts or blouses. All my scarves went into the closet. My dangly earrings put in storage. My wardrobe went from fabulous to functional!

The toughness of ball-busting formidable women in the city extends an even greater judgement from suburban housewives when one doesn’t comply with unwritten social etiquette of how to act around husbands and families. Step outside those bounds once and the paws and claws come out!

These women who make this “family style” living look like it’s a breeze are simply amazing to me. I think that I was that person once, a long time ago? I was so worried about the outcome of my efforts that I lost my own identity along the way. In short I pretended to have it all together so as to fit into a lifestyle I never wanted nor was ever comfortable with!

In my experience you can move into a neighborhood and it can be the worst or it can be the best. People can either support and create that village it takes to raise children or they can come at you with judgement and do everything they can to tear you down. I’ve been in both neighborhoods. The later is more prevalent for sure.

My neighborhood here on the peninsula of my 6 acres the back up to the Bayou somewhere in Louisiana is the Safehaven for me. It is real and it is peaceful. It is quiet. What resonates the most about the house is not as fancy Decour or price tag. It is the overwhelming sense of being one with all the elements around.

This home is the exception to the suburban rule because it has no restrictions on home, land or property. None on behavior or actions other than laws. It’s pure country living. I enjoy being here…until I can’t wait to get back to my strappy sandals and colorful tunics!

I have to say that everyone needs a moment of silence to squash the voices of self-doubt. I have had that and I feel grateful. However, as much as I fight it and want to stay it is time for me to get back to the city. It’s time to walk among the fast and furious. Summer for me is over. I’ve rested and I’m grateful for the relaxation, but it’s time for purpose to begin again.

Inspiration

You should have passion!

I wonder, at what point in someone’s life when they were either successful or not what it took to push them over the edge? When does a musician know he’s not going to be a national rock star? When does a chef know that he’s not going to be on TV? When do people with life-long dreams realize when they were going to push forward and not stop? What makes one person stop and give up their dream and another keep going and if they keep going what if they never get there? What if they never become a success? What if they fail and then there’s a new dream? What if….

As a writer this question is the fundamental question we all ask ourselves. What if my work isn’t good enough. Will I have to self publish and what if that work isn’t worth publishing? What if it’s not even good enough to be self published? ACK!?

Whether or not it is there is the basic concept that I wholeheartedly believe and that is that everyone has a story in them. They may not be able to tell it the way that it needs to be grammatically introduced, but they have their story. Every story is worth listening to. Everyones.

With that said, find whatever passion that lies within you and feed that. If you don’t believe that passion is worth fighting for? That’s not your passion. The thing you have to remember is that as we age, many of us grow in ways we couldn’t imagine. What may be your passion today may not be your passion tomorrow. The key is to know when to pursue and when to give up and try another passion.

Here’s the skinny. If you still get that adrenaline rush when you think about, the passion burns in you and it’s not time to quit. If you could care less anymore….you’re burnt. Take a moment, think, pause and reflect on whether or not that was ever your passion, if it can ever be again and if not what can replace it.

Good luck to you because everyone should have passion in their lives!

Inspiration

Convictions or Rationalization for Condemning?

Last week I commented to a friend on a post she made on Facebook.  Instantly I was berated for my opinion.  By that word I mean told that my understanding was not based by the heart but merely by the perceptions I merely thought.  After a long banter back and forth of me trying to help the offended understand my intent, the dialog never really made it past an agreement to disagree. Further the offended, nonetheless without evidence except absence, is still somewhat concerned that their interpretation of my actions are not only just; but they’re tantalizing the thought of severing any kind of kinship with me whatsoever, because of the inference.  I find this disturbing.

The opposition was whether or not we have a right to form a working hypothesis about a group of individuals or behavior.  My position is that we not only have the right to form conclusions and thereby our convictions, and the opponent view was that in doing so; I am condemning without the benefit of concern or kindness.  In other words I was putting myself above another human being in their eyes and not putting the regard/respect of any individual’s right to determine his or her own faith above my judgment.

My thoughts are ever processing because it is very important to me that others see my heart despite the things I’ve learned to be true; such as people are both good and evil. Relationships are tricky because people always get disappointed in them.  Love sometimes hurts because nothing is great forever.  These absolute statements are the much formed opinions that I own due to my experiences.  They’re working hypothesis after years of studying the human behaviors that to this day I find confusing because others do not react, create, or act in the same ways in which I would. It takes me a long time to compartmentalize behaviors that I find offensive and put them in a context that I am able to conceptualize without feeling wounded by them.  I’ve learned sometimes people are cruel.

Despite that I tout that forgiveness is the only way to break the bondage of pain.  That a good heart is better than a great mind. That life without the blessings of being loved isn’t worth much or several cliché’s I am sure that you randomly get tagged with on Facebook. That’s how I genuinely believe.  I possess the gift of inspiration.  Whether it’s inspiring others to think of their own actions or offending them in such a way that they hold me accountable for mine. I inspire action.

Then I have to ask myself why is it that none of that mattered in the conversation. My conclusion? The offended didn’t really read about me. They don’t know my path or the great lengths I have taken to sacrifice my own happiness for the betterment of another.  They do not know of my years with women who were beaten. Nor do they know that I mentored many women and men through the years or even that I hold two masters degrees and one of those is in behavioral science. So how do you respond to a person who is so appalled by your proclamation that they cannot see past the offense? I have to question.

It is true that my convictions will not change the offended’s principals. It is true that theirs will not negate my own.  How do we get to a common denominator? Here’s what I know to be true.  With that being said, I am highly aware that my truth is NOT the same as another’s.  It is my conclusions of the experiences and inference to the data I have been subjected to all these years and it is in those convictions that I find myself defending.

I think it’s important to pause to understand how the things we say impact others. I think it’s further detrimental when one of those people tell us how they’ve been damaged.  It’s a responsibility to determine the facts presented and if ones actions have been faltering in the principals or beliefs behind the person, altered in such a way that it does not offend.

It is true that I believe in God. I believe that the teachings set forth by our great Lord are there because they are applicable to all people on this earth. It’s hard to negotiate that with someone who proclaims themselves to be an atheist but that goes back to a fundamental belief system that I wholly agree is non-negotiable.  It is in that reverent believe where my opinions of right and wrong principals are born.  Add some experience and education to the soup mix and you have the confidence to birth a conviction.

Promiscuity as I know it to be several indiscriminate partners; and as Physiology today claims it as the epidemic of anti social behavior I am perplexed why one would not understand why the conclusion to that argument is made. Further one could argue why they could not come to a conclusion.  The answer? Conviction becomes action and that has proven to be horrific for the community ethically and legally.  Now, we’re getting into the brass of it.

My understanding is that I have not condemned one for their promiscuity. I have in fact taken women and men into my home and given them rest. I have given counseling, and I have picked up the broken pieces of many who choose this life. I understand it. I don’t agree that’s it’s okay to live one’s life that way because I have been witness to the aftereffects many times over; first hand.  It breaks my heart that it is so ramped here in America and it a true cultural issue.

The offended understanding is that by concluding that there is a sense of brokenness or damage implies that the person making a choice for indiscriminate partners has his or her own mind and is making that choice. That choice should be done so without contempt, judgment, and or labeling.  No one has the right to form a conclusion because it takes the power away from the person making the choice to step outside the social boundaries of religion and social norms.  That’s a very strong argument.  One that should be considered.

Is the word “judgment” become a slanderous word by putting down to elevate oneself? In this case, I felt that “judgment” was conviction to assist where needed by applying scientific and physical evidence to the claim that people of this lifestyle were broken. Were my convictions simply a rationalization so that I can feel better about providing my time and effort?  I think not…but how does the other person feel about that?

My question to you is this. If you judge something you know to be true are you condemning it or are you concluding your findings? Food for thought. Would love it if you responded.

Inspiration

Glorious Lives!

I can remember when I was a young girl thinking that the worst thing that could happen to me would be to have a child that I couldn’t support, because I was really worried that I would end up as resentful as my mother was. I couldn’t imagine my body growing, I couldn’t imagine having to feed myself let alone be responsible for another human being.

Went my younger brother was born I love him so dearly that I would have nightmares about his safety. He is nine years younger than I am. I remember my youth being spent worrying about his choices in life and I couldn’t imagine how much more magnified that would be if I had a child of my very own.

At the age of 22 I became involved with a man who didn’t want me because he was Jewish and I wasn’t. I was really in love with the man. After a year or two dating this Jewish man we decided to call it and ended our relationship. I began to date another man who I didn’t really care about because I had lack of confidence, but i developed an intimate relationship with him. Unfortunately about a month later I realized that I was pregnant. Not knowing who the father was my fears were magnified.

I contacted both men and I told them what I had done. Both of the men thought that I should have an abortion. At that time I suppose if I was honest with myself, it would admit that I too wanted a way out of the situation I have got myself into. I was alone, I had no money and I had no transportation. How in the world was I going to raise a child?

About six weeks later when I was trying to decide and make up my mind, I was stopped at a stoplight a block from my home. I was crying pretty hard about the pain that I had caused everybody. I wasn’t paying much attention and a renegade truck with an uninsured drunk driver hit me from the back going approximately 95 mph. Needless to say, when I ended up in the hospital it was explained to me that an abortion was my only option for my own survival.

I remained single for almost a decade after that accident. Every single day of every single year I thought about that unborn child. When I met a man that I would date I would never let them know about my shameful secret. I lived with the guilt silently and painfully for very long time.

I met a wonderful man when I was almost 30 and within the first three months of our relationship I had gotten pregnant again. I was determined not to even think about the word abortion! I was in a better place because I was confident that I could take care of myself. I was sure that the man that I had chose to be intimate with was a good choice in character. I wasn’t in the same emotional, physical or intellectual state of mind that I was the first time I had gotten pregnant.

A month later the man I was in love with proposed and we got married. Just a short while later my daughter was born. I looked into her face and realized what a blessing she was, and for the first time that fear rushed in. I was terrified that I wouldnt be enough for her. She was so tiny and so delicate and I instantly became protective! I’ve vowed nobody would hurt her. And I knew that I had taken on a responsibility far greater than my own worthiness. I had been given a gift by God and it was my responsibility to bring this child up in such a way that she could be independent and happy as an adult. I was up to the challenge and ready to move forward.

In the toddler and baby years of my daughters life; I spent the entire time in all of the miracle that the innocence of a child can show a person. I learned very quickly that if my life became tough, all I had to do was put myself around a small child and a smile would soon appear on my face. There is something so remarkable about the investigation and the questions of the innocent approach to life the child brings to the family.

The age of five she was a people pleaser. At the age of eight she was anxious and trying to find her place in our family. If the age of 12 she wanted to put on makeup. But the age of 14 she wanted to know what it would be like to have a boyfriend. All through high school she struggled with inter personal relationships. Every single day was a lesson. It was an adventure!

Raising her was different than my son who was born a year after her. She is like me. I knew how to handle every piece of advice. I knew what to expect. I knew what she was going to go through. And I was ready for it. And it was an exceptional experience that improved with her age. Even now as she matures into an adulthood and leaves the nest she is absolutely adored.

When I had my son I knew what a treasure he was going to be. I had more confidence that I could manage his welfare. I was sure that I would teach him to play sports and I would teach him how to treat a woman. And I was up to the task again.

Nine months after my son was born I knew that there was a problem. I knew that he was different than any other child because he had regressed into his own mind. I thought something tragic had happened in daycare, or that something had happened when I had left them in another’s care. But that wasn’t the case. It took almost 12 years of struggling and testing and encouragement and therapy to get a diagnosis of autism. When everybody said that I was a terrible mom because he acted the way he did because of who I was. I cried a lot. But every time he would come into the room he would shine his uniqueness and I knew that I was destined to be his mother! I would be the fighter, the challenger and the ultimate cheerleader.

That boy is 17 now and he is fully functional. When the doctor finally diagnosed him, he said that he had never seen an autistic boy who is so far gone so mainstreamed without professional assistance. I had to smile because to me it was not a chore it was not an obligation… it was an honor!

I look at my life over the last 20 years and I realize that my greatest gifts come from the greatest moments I had in my life. Those moments have been with my husband and my two children. I cannot tell you what it’s like to have a child. But I can tell you that there is absolutely no love greater than the love and adoration a mother feels for her children. It’s an unconditional love. It’s a realization that in the past 20 years I have been so extremely blessed with remarkably individual and unique kids.

I may not have a stellar career in writing. I may not have friends that have stood by my side all these years. I may not have the houses that I once lived in or the cash that I used to have. But as I look forward into the next century of my life, I realize that the value of my life was in the little moments of joy and laughter and hope and encouragement and sharing of experiences with the people in my life who mean the world to me.

I guess what I wish is that all mothers get a moment to feel exactly the way that I do at this time in my very own moment. Because there’s no greater feeling in the world than knowing that you did your best. That you’re best made a life for the next-generation. That generation is the direct reflect on the positive influence that you had. Your kids are grown. They are safe. They are self-sufficient individuals who are capable of being independent happy people. They believe in God. They believe in love. They believe in justice. They believe in opportunity! I did my job and I’m proud of the work I’ve done. Moreover I’m blessed to have been given the opportunity to have such a tremendous life with two beautifully exceptional children!

Inspiration

Perception VS Reality

I’ve been told recently by a very credible therapist that perception is one’s truth. That for everyone on this planet truth is merely their perception. I’ve spent a great deal of my adult life trying to understand why my truth or my perception is different than others. Take into consideration that I grew up much different than the considerably “normal” household and that might explain how rough around the edges and quick I am to sound a tad negative to those around me who have not lived my experiences nor will ever be able to comprehend the difficulty in overcoming the trying circumstances. Although, from time to time people brand me “negative” or “absolute” and when they move on down the road after throwing that insult at me, they smile all the while feeling as though they’ve given me a revelation. They’ve imparted great wisdom because obviously I need to be told that I am offending their senses in such a way that they must speak their mind about it.

Often after much reflection and question I find that these people who are hell bent on giving someone a reality check according to their perception are also hell bent on reflecting any and all negative comments about their own actions or words. Their lack of appreciation for my point of view doesn’t bother me, because I would never presume to think that the way in which I speak or behave is the way that everyone else should. I don’t own the luxury of being that finite in my thinking.

I find the whole cultivating relationships ironic and of course, something to blog about so here goes from my eyes. This is my perception…

Recently, my birthday rolled around. Now, on my week or days preceding or following my birthday some of the most influential people in my life died. And of course, on my birthday I received their cards. What this did for many years was ensure that I reflected on their lives because to celebrate my own, I have to remember theirs. To not give warrant to the people who meant everything to me at one time would be cruel and heartless; in my opinion.

This made for a difficult time near the arrival of my birthday. So much so, that in some years, I just reflected on the loss and not a happy or joyous occasion of celebrating my existence. You see, for many years I didn’t really like myself. I’ve spent a majority of my adulthood trying desperately to forgive myself for mistakes I could not erase nor could I evict them from playing over and over in my mind. I had to get to forgiveness but that road was harsh and filled with regrets.

When I turned 38 all that changed with the help of an intense therapy program based on Dr. Phil McGraw’s pathways seminar. I was a new person. The only problem that remained is how to use my words to appropriately express how I feel or what I think as time goes on. You see, some of that old baggage seeps in from time to time and I find that several times I have to get my perceptions back into check. I have to wrap my mind around the blessings in life rather than concentrate on the things that I find unjust. Because those unjust things when brought to other’s attention do little to give them pause for action and more to incite riot behavior from them. That’s been my experience. People don’t really like it when you make them dig a little deeper and feel things that hold them accountable for being a true friend, or taking action against a wrong or whatever. People in my opinion based on reactions that I get are fraught with the generalness of life. Pursuant to the status quo and rocking that will only bring feverish emotions of positive or negative but I promise you it will never be boring. To extract this kind of reaction takes great insight and great courage.

Many women or men like me that are capable of extracting this kind of emotion are often labeled dramatic or weird. But the truth in all the commonness of it, is that these people share one common denominator that the rest of the world sees but just cannot seem to own. These people have the ability to feel openly, to display it, to announce it and to enjoy it. I continuously say that I have the ability to be negative; sure. But I also have the ability to be positive, and to see joy, and to be happy and to love, and to laugh, and to cry. You see, I am human and although in a moment I feel one way I am not doomed for eternity to feel only one emotion. I am human and I feel all emotions just not all at the same time.

My perception about the people who meant everything to me and have passed is far different than just a remembrance. When I say now that my birthday is fraught with recollections of people I lost you might see that as me concentrating on negative things. To you, death is sad and your conclusion might be that I am sad. That couldn’t be further from the truth or my perception. My perception is that remembrance of these people is an honor.

When I say that I like to be alone and reflect on my past it’s not a negative thing. I have an incredibly creative mind. So much that I am able to replay memories in my mind of times past much like a made for TV movie. I can watch as the youthful me has conversation after discussion about nothing that matters with people from long ago. I replay over and over the silly times we laughed and the general comfortableness that those memories give me. The warmth of my memories makes me appreciate them as monumental blessings in my life and I miss them terribly. I don’t concentrate on the loss as much as I celebrate their existence. The only way any of us know that these people we loved so incredibly much existed is if we take a moment to remember the great times that we shared with them. So I ask you how can that be negative?!

Perception is how you look at life. If my words are associated in the right order that makes you as a reader appreciate the joy I have then shame on me. That’s my responsibility and as I progress in my craft it will only get better. But the next time that you want to tell someone that they’re negative, pause for a moment because maybe in their world, what you see as negative might just be their right to hold on to whatever it is that they need to process through.

Life is not easy and there are no quick fixes. Pain is real and it can last a lifetime. Each of us has our own learned coping skills. Each of us is equipped to make conclusions on our own experiences, but none of us are always positive or always negative. Every one of us has a process to peace and for some of us that road may be longer or may have to be revisited often.

When you see a post that you find alarming or you hear a catch phrase that makes you pause remember that the emotion you feel is yours. You own it. No one made you feel it without your permission. If it triggered something inside you that’s your baggage not someone else’s. If you have a problem with whatever was said and feel your entitled to give that person a reality check you might want to rethink who’s reality you’re trying to change? Their perception or yours? I’m just saying….

Inspiration

Letter To My Graduating Daughter

Dearest Elizabeth;

Think of yourself as timeless, precious and priceless. Every day when you walk out of your home, remember that you’re treasured beyond anything you could possibly imagine. We’ve seen you blossom into an exquisite woman. There isn’t anything that you could ever do that would sacrifice the love we have for you. Since before you were born, you were wanted, you were blessed, and you were loved. Our love for you has only grown and strengthened through the years. We write this letter to you to go with your 2012 graduation yearbook as a reminder of the immense love that we have for you. On your graduation, your father and I wanted to offer some words of wisdom so that you might one day embrace it, and by learning from our mistakes, may you live your new independent life happily ever after…

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it, and being careful where your mind leads will always keep you on the path you want for yourself. Education isn’t going to get you the job it’s going to prepare you to do the job. The rest will come from your tenacious ability to put yourself out there, to test your limits and to have enough courage to take action for your own future.

Faith is something you lose and something you have to fight to keep. God is real. He grants wishes and dreams in his time, not yours. He will refine you for his use not yours. He is merciful and gracious and even in loss and pain will carry you to finding new hope. Believe.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Do not follow where other’s paths may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path, and leave a trail of your own. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. Friends are lost easily so while creating your paths don’t alienate someone who might matter to you later in life. Always be graceful in your approach, never judge anyone unfairly and always stick up for people who cannot fight for themselves.

There are no shortcuts in life to any place worth going. You’re going to have to work hard and working is hard. There will be times when you’re lonely. Times you want to quit, but don’t because it is those moments which will become the memories of your past. Sometimes life happens when the worst comes our way but those are absolutely the moments that we remember most. Don’t block out the bad because you will end up blocking out all the good because you may not realize it but good is always around.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm. Your first priority should be to learn what your options are. To not rush into plans that could change until you’ve learned who you are and what you want to do. Don’t be in a rush to do it all and put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Live, forgive yourself for your mistakes and work on stuff about yourself that you want to improve. The difference you’ll find between high school and college is that adults take responsibility for themselves. Making a living is only a small part of it. Far more important is to take intellectual responsibility for yourself in a way that matters and will bring you happiness.

Lastly, if you find love hold on to it because love is not given freely by everyone. It’s a gift. It matters. Surround yourself with people who lift you up emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Develop that balance and keep it simple sis. Sometimes too much knowledge can show you what you don’t have instead of being happy with what you do, so learn to be content with your choices.

I hope these words inspire you as that is my wish for writing them. There isn’t anyone who loves you more than your parents do. We wish for you all the joy that life has to offer. We will always be a phone call away…as long as we live, there for you whenever you need us. Go into your independent life with hope and courage and make it spectacular! Love ~ Mom and Dad

Inspiration

Righteous Anger vs. Immature Emotions

Often people will say things that sting the other person when they were only trying to release these pent-up feelings or anger. They say things that are really a reflection of their own internal unresolved issues rather than anger directed at the other person. Generally, most men are afraid of women’s anger and will do whatever necessary to protect themselves from it. We as women know this, however, when we’re in the thick of whatever it is that has pushed our injustice button; we are hesitant to remain mature or calm about how we feel. This is unfortunate because angry women are not always angry at the man – but at some internal frustration. The same holds true for men.

Men are more likely to vent, and to let it out. Women are more likely to stuff, and keep it in, but both of these approaches to solving the anger issue are bad. If you always vent, you’re venting and exploding, lots of times, when what you should be doing is chilling out, because there’s nothing you can do about the traffic jam. If you’re always stuffing it, you’re stuffing it a fair amount of the time when there’s something you should be doing to get that jerk to quit calling you stupid for wanting to go see the latest Julia Roberts movie this weekend. Sometimes you need to speak and sometimes you need to be quiet, but learning which and when; now that is key.

Before you do anything, just say “Stop!” Ask yourself if this is one of those times when you need to do something about this or chill out? If you don’t do anything but that, you’ll stop before you explode or stuff it and you’ll be better off.

To understand righteous anger vs. anger that is immature let’s dive into the reasons for the emotion.  There are only two basic emotions – fear and love. All other emotions are degrees of these two. From what I know Anger is an emotion that has its root in fear.

Anger is an emotion that people express when they are: upset, frustrated, uncertain, anxious, hurt by another person or life in general, or confused. Many men and women when expressing anger are really covering the deeper emotion of fear. Unexpressed anger can be the result of a variety of personal emotional traits: the need for approval, the need for love, insecurity, a fear of rejection, guilt, resentment – to mention just a few. There is a flip side to this issue, however, and that is the impact of angry words spoken while in this fear state.

I’ve learned through some pretty horrible knock-down-drag-out come to Jesus meetings is that anyone who is angry needs to speak the truth in a loving manner. Anger can be communicated without name calling, yelling, screaming or threatening. Feelings of anger do not have to replace feelings of love. It is important to realize that being angry with someone does not mean you no longer love them, despite what men think about women getting angry.

No should or shouldn’t are allowed in your talk to each other, because your spouse using them is being a parent instead of a spouse. You don’t tell a spouse what they should or shouldn’t do. You tell a spouse what you would like them to do and then give them the opportunity to choose whether or not it is something they want to do.

I use “I feel” messages. Remember along with emotions come facts. Both should be argued and in a way that does not put the other spouse on the defensive.  An “I feel” message allows you to express how you felt about something they did or said. It gives you the opportunity to express your feelings but doesn’t necessarily mean you will get your way.

Consider this though, “I feel” messages will be met with more openness than saying, “You always do,” or “You hurt me.” You want to talk about how you feel, not point fingers at what your spouse did or didn’t do.

Don’t jump to conclusions about what your spouse is thinking or feeling. If you want to know, ask him! I really hate absolute comments or inference in an argument.  Just because you share your feelings doesn’t mean your spouse “heard” what you were saying.

When communicating we need to express and listen to be understood. A lot of us are guilty of hearing something other than what is actually being said. Make sure that you express your needs and that your spouse understands those needs. Asking him to repeat back to you what you’ve said will help. You can’t resolve a misunderstanding if you are being misunderstood!

I’ve been taught that in a healthy marriage both spouses should feel free to express their emotions, needs and desires. It is inevitable that expressing emotions can, at times mean expressing healthy anger nd engaging in conflict. Anger is a healthy part of a relationship if the anger is properly expressed. If done correctly arguing, conflict and friction in a marriage will sharpen and strengthen the marriage. This maturity is only something that through love and care can mature a marriage or relationship to the level of ultimate understanding and fewer conflicts.

You get to know and understand each other better. You feel safer within the relationship if you know it is safe to express your feelings of anger. You learn that marriage is not a competition, a game where one spouse has more control than the other. Nothing promotes love and intimacy more than working together without fear of reprisal with a commitment to doing what is best for everyone.

Reflection

Introspection Tools

It’s good to self reflect, but it’s not good to carry guilt because you’re not perfect.  It’s not good to allow the whispers of our discontent to navigate their tiny clawed hooks into the things that could bring us joy.

Listen, I have learned that joy, and thereby a continuum of happiness is caused by changing your perspective.  If you’re really wrapped up in the emotions of the day one thing that helps me is to begin making a list of all the good things, because it’s really easy to focus on the bad.

As long as you use your mind for good thought including self image, your body and soul will follow. A great product that I have used in the past is “The Thinking Mind” available through Amazon.  Check it out. Maybe it can help.

Remember good thoughts are a decision away.