Last week I commented to a friend on a post she made on Facebook. Instantly I was berated for my opinion. By that word I mean told that my understanding was not based by the heart but merely by the perceptions I merely thought. After a long banter back and forth of me trying to help the offended understand my intent, the dialog never really made it past an agreement to disagree. Further the offended, nonetheless without evidence except absence, is still somewhat concerned that their interpretation of my actions are not only just; but they’re tantalizing the thought of severing any kind of kinship with me whatsoever, because of the inference. I find this disturbing.
The opposition was whether or not we have a right to form a working hypothesis about a group of individuals or behavior. My position is that we not only have the right to form conclusions and thereby our convictions, and the opponent view was that in doing so; I am condemning without the benefit of concern or kindness. In other words I was putting myself above another human being in their eyes and not putting the regard/respect of any individual’s right to determine his or her own faith above my judgment.
My thoughts are ever processing because it is very important to me that others see my heart despite the things I’ve learned to be true; such as people are both good and evil. Relationships are tricky because people always get disappointed in them. Love sometimes hurts because nothing is great forever. These absolute statements are the much formed opinions that I own due to my experiences. They’re working hypothesis after years of studying the human behaviors that to this day I find confusing because others do not react, create, or act in the same ways in which I would. It takes me a long time to compartmentalize behaviors that I find offensive and put them in a context that I am able to conceptualize without feeling wounded by them. I’ve learned sometimes people are cruel.
Despite that I tout that forgiveness is the only way to break the bondage of pain. That a good heart is better than a great mind. That life without the blessings of being loved isn’t worth much or several cliché’s I am sure that you randomly get tagged with on Facebook. That’s how I genuinely believe. I possess the gift of inspiration. Whether it’s inspiring others to think of their own actions or offending them in such a way that they hold me accountable for mine. I inspire action.
Then I have to ask myself why is it that none of that mattered in the conversation. My conclusion? The offended didn’t really read about me. They don’t know my path or the great lengths I have taken to sacrifice my own happiness for the betterment of another. They do not know of my years with women who were beaten. Nor do they know that I mentored many women and men through the years or even that I hold two masters degrees and one of those is in behavioral science. So how do you respond to a person who is so appalled by your proclamation that they cannot see past the offense? I have to question.
It is true that my convictions will not change the offended’s principals. It is true that theirs will not negate my own. How do we get to a common denominator? Here’s what I know to be true. With that being said, I am highly aware that my truth is NOT the same as another’s. It is my conclusions of the experiences and inference to the data I have been subjected to all these years and it is in those convictions that I find myself defending.
I think it’s important to pause to understand how the things we say impact others. I think it’s further detrimental when one of those people tell us how they’ve been damaged. It’s a responsibility to determine the facts presented and if ones actions have been faltering in the principals or beliefs behind the person, altered in such a way that it does not offend.
It is true that I believe in God. I believe that the teachings set forth by our great Lord are there because they are applicable to all people on this earth. It’s hard to negotiate that with someone who proclaims themselves to be an atheist but that goes back to a fundamental belief system that I wholly agree is non-negotiable. It is in that reverent believe where my opinions of right and wrong principals are born. Add some experience and education to the soup mix and you have the confidence to birth a conviction.
Promiscuity as I know it to be several indiscriminate partners; and as Physiology today claims it as the epidemic of anti social behavior I am perplexed why one would not understand why the conclusion to that argument is made. Further one could argue why they could not come to a conclusion. The answer? Conviction becomes action and that has proven to be horrific for the community ethically and legally. Now, we’re getting into the brass of it.
My understanding is that I have not condemned one for their promiscuity. I have in fact taken women and men into my home and given them rest. I have given counseling, and I have picked up the broken pieces of many who choose this life. I understand it. I don’t agree that’s it’s okay to live one’s life that way because I have been witness to the aftereffects many times over; first hand. It breaks my heart that it is so ramped here in America and it a true cultural issue.
The offended understanding is that by concluding that there is a sense of brokenness or damage implies that the person making a choice for indiscriminate partners has his or her own mind and is making that choice. That choice should be done so without contempt, judgment, and or labeling. No one has the right to form a conclusion because it takes the power away from the person making the choice to step outside the social boundaries of religion and social norms. That’s a very strong argument. One that should be considered.
Is the word “judgment” become a slanderous word by putting down to elevate oneself? In this case, I felt that “judgment” was conviction to assist where needed by applying scientific and physical evidence to the claim that people of this lifestyle were broken. Were my convictions simply a rationalization so that I can feel better about providing my time and effort? I think not…but how does the other person feel about that?
My question to you is this. If you judge something you know to be true are you condemning it or are you concluding your findings? Food for thought. Would love it if you responded.
2 thoughts on “Convictions or Rationalization for Condemning?”
It depends upon a person’s beliefs, and level of maturity. Some topics are more sensitive than others. Sometimes people post comments, not to be responded to, just to vent, as they think something through. There are in different stages of evolution and more fragile, and may see the comment as an attack. Not being helpful, as they still do not have a solution. Angry at themselves, or the offending party that spurred that comment from their subconscious, they reiterated at the responder. Even after awhile, they come to a solution, they have pride and shame and closed the door on the responder. Can not or will not open it again.
You were acting out of compassion,if the person took the help in the wrong way, let it go, and know that they will learn and grow in their own time. Do not be discouraged because another is not ready to face or defend their position. Give it time, if their are true, they will apologized. If not they will move on. And you will think twice before responding to another comment. Facebook is walking into people’s homes, invited and sometimes uninvited. Some like to debate, others like to be observers. Some can agree and compromise and others can not. We are human, here for a education and learn something every day from every challenge. Me, I walk the grey line, no judgement, no condemning it or are you concluding your findings? Others are still learning and exploring. So accept them at their stage of maturity, forgive and let it go.
Hope this helps you to see that you are human, and unique. Just keep being yourself. And let the hurt party be themselves. Like a butterfly if you let it go, it may or may not come back. You are relieved from carrying the guilt and continue on to help another.
I truly appreciate the well thought out response. Thank you for the grace in this wisdom. It does help.