Inspiration

Disappointing Reflections of my Season

The heart once light and amiable to receive now rests heavy upon my chest. It’s as if the hearts very lobes have coarse thickened blood that now runs through its hollow caverns. The beats which are generally musical in their tune only remind me of the looming burden of my sorrow. Thoughts of surreal confusion have eliminated any prior sense whatsoever. I stand before you broken hearted my friends.

I cannot tell you to what lengths, with whom, or why this time for fear that perceptions should change concerning someone that I very much care about; but what I can tell you is that the pain that has so desperately clutches the very depths of my soul is there because of the unconditional love that I have for the offender.

It takes but a moment in this lifetime to pause with enough courage to contemplate a world that is often without compassion. To engage in it and navigate through it is harsher than any human promises. To truly look the behaviors, the attitudes, and the general moral decline is a sight that few want to truly witness. Turning backs to further themselves from the tragedy, is sadly, I feel the norm.

I am reminded that God is with me, and that in He alone can I find my acceptance, but the humanness in me is crying out for justice. On bended knee I ask with reverent feverish hope, this offender will find all that helps him receive the love he so generously begs. I seek awareness from him, without the benefit of harms so that he may understand to the depths of his soul the love that we have for him. To those ends that love shall bring out a kindness or compassion and turn the perception of hate and discourse into one of loving thy neighbor abundantly.

I cannot give this to him for I have not been a role model in my own actions. I am no hero, for I have been so reluctant and screamed the human injustices from the top of my lungs for anyone to listen. I have slandered, I have fought what I thought was the good fight only to learn it was my own, and I have raised my temperament and my voice unwittingly while he listened. An example, I am not.

Lord, I beg for your forgiveness in my seemingly selfish escapades and needs to be filled with my own affirmations. My sins I repent with irreverent understanding that now it has caused some deep seeded need to further the cause for those who cannot stand for themselves and those who would harm for the sake of their own selfishness. That is a fight I am not sure I should have commanded that anyone join me. It is with great sorrow that I bow my head not only in shame but it respect and esteem to wield my words with elegant fury for the fight of inspiration only.

Today I am pensive with the thoughts of words used to harm lingering over a fresh conscious mind. I feel burdened with guilt and remorse over my undoing. This is certainly not a course of life I imagined nor is it what I would have wanted. The loss, the sadness, the acclamation of my proclamations of love ignored and yet unconditionally it is given without a moment’s hesitation.

Inspiration

Treasured Moments

There is nothing in the world quite like a moment when you realize that you’re happy. Happiness is not a constant feeling, and for most this illusive emotion evades from daily life. I think that in the movie, “Yours, Mine and Ours” after Lucille Ball desperately tries to explain to her daughter the fundamentals of joy but fails miserably; Henry Fonda picks up the dialog by explaining that great moments arrive from putting the effort of all the drudgery and the boring is what leads to the big events! In other words, quantity no matter how mundane brings quality! You cannot have one without the other.

So imagine my surprise when I am sitting with incredible women and I realize I’m smiling! And I think “wow it’s been a long time since that’s happened!” a genuine real happy joyful smile!

What’s even better is that they were smiling and we were sharing openly and honestly and real and laughing until we couldn’t stand it anymore. Each of us had issues and extreme stories to share and opinions and comments… It was human compassion in motion! A connection stronger than time and distance full of passion and empathy and we were all there wishing that happy moments could just last a whole lot longer!

We worked together in one of the worst jobs that I have ever had! Not because of the work but because of the dictator suppression of a power motivated woman who I believe if possible would actually blow fire up someone’s butt to get them to do her bidding! We came out close friends and none of us work there anymore. The strife gave us the blessing of forming a unity against the unjust but it’s not anything we dwell on anymore. It was the basic foundation of friendship that’s been tested over time and matured into life long confidential bonding that all women wish they had! I honestly regard myself blessed!

Today you’re going to have to finish the audit paperwork and financial matters and clean the house, make the dinner, and tend to the animals, but stop right now and schedule that spa or dinner with the gals! 1. Because you sure as hell deserve it and 2. Because believe it or not it’s been too long between your ultimate moments of “happy!”

I highly recommend time to fill up your cup be because when you do…it runneth over!