Inspiration

Be the Light No Matter What!

Please, don’t prove them right.

The other day my friend came to me. A very concerned conversation had taken place, and that dialog included non-flattering comments about me. My friend warned me many times that I needed to guard myself because the things that I was saying were being twisted and turned; and not in my favor. When I left that conversation, I was reserved to continue (based on my extensive life experience) to act in the greatest behavior I know.

I have learned that through the deed of transparency, bridges are formed between adversaries, and trust is built among enemies. If one is completely honest there is nothing to hide. It is the greatest proclamation of unconditional love I can offer my fellow human, despite the injustice I see all around me. I believe to the depth of my being that kindness, and that vulnerability is what my God commands of me regardless if my actions are not perceived as they are intended.

The aforementioned declaration is a conversation I have had with the people who commented many times prior. I decreed at that time that the naysayers, the untrusting, the sarcastic, the weary, the forlorn, the judging, the prideful, and mostly the skeptic people were, in my estimation, always proven wrong. I believe to the core of everything I know, that people want to do good things. I believe it is in our nature to promote wealth, prosperity and freedom for all. I believe given any situation a person will choose the side of decency. I’ve been brutally and savagely beaten by others who have viciously commanded me to hate as much as they do. I refused. To me, I have to believe the acts of humans are ultimately intended for the betterment of themselves and others otherwise I am not sure I could exist in a world void of love for one another.

I have had moments in my life when my hope for mankind, and the hurt or pain that goes along with our life lessons was too much to bear. In those moments, I have almost taken the life that God gave so mercifully to me. I have been witness to the worst of behavior that any human could endure. I’ve been repeatedly beaten, verbally assaulted, tortured, raped, violated, and abandoned. If one human could hurt another I have experienced every angle of the violence, and therefore I understand completely the capability that humans have to act irresponsibly, and without empathy for another. I know it exists, but I have instructed my mind not to dwell on the minority and to embrace the majority of people who do not act that way, and who genuinely want to do great works.

This is the formula in which I address, accept, forgive, and move on. It’s the rules in which I live my life by. I don’t get upset unless I see a great injustice. I don’t get angry unless someone shows me the evil in them. I don’t accuse and I don’t condemn because I have undoubtedly inadvertently hurt people along my journey. I’m fair, and amiable. I am transparent.

I think the hardest thing for me, is that I will tell people, “Don’t prove them right.” (Speaking of them as the cynics) Then I am surprised when the people closest to me do exactly that. I asked my friend, “Why can’t I compartmentalize this and move on?” My friend responded, “You cannot put feelings in a box. It’s just how you feel.” It’s true.

I suppose I want to cry. I suppose I want to ask the commenter, “Why?” I suppose that I hurt more deeply than I could admit and that none of those things will happen. I understand people are just people and sometimes we all do dumb things, so I will forgive. I will move on, but my relationships will be forever altered. There will be an element of hesitation before I speak. There will be un-comfortableness where they sit, and if I need to be in that same space. There is an element of disinclination. I hate that with every fiber of my being because it blocks the love that I want to share. It blocks God’s light through me. It blocks my transparency and ultimately it proves the pessimist’s right. That’s the most heartbreaking thing of all.

The pundits have been made aware, and there has been no resolution other than a separation of space. I miss my friend. I miss what I thought we had. I miss having an environment of peace and tranquility. I can forgive, sure and I will. But I suppose that an affirmation of the act, and a subsequent understanding apology would go a long way to ease us all back to a common gracefulness. However, I do not really need it to forgive.

Before you sit and begin to converse today about the dislikes you have with one of the people very close to you, remember that they too have the deepest of needs to be accepted as well. They have every feeling you have. They believe in the fundamentals that you and I do and they want to be a better person. People are just people, some are more broken, some are sensible, and some not so much. We’re all different because God made us our own unique selves and through our triumphs and struggles we’ve formed our own personalities. We form what we believe because God has allowed us the freedom to embrace our own choices. You can choose today to lift another up, be a little more transparent and put your heart on the line for the sake of another as Jesus has done for you. Or you can simply ignore, you can bask in the glory that something you’ve done has hurt another and have peace with that. You can talk about your fellow man without regard or empathy. It’s your choice. You choose every single day how to affect those around you.

For me, today as much as it’s painful I choose transparency. My convictions tell me that despite I’ve been hurt by what was said, I am not broken by it. It’s a moment, a blimp, a dot in history that shall be long forgotten in a short while. To base my future relationships on such a notion would be childish and immature. That’s not who I choose to be. That’s not what I want for my actions to represent. I choose love. I choose to prove the skeptics wrong. That’s my choice.

Inspiration

Glorious Lives!

I can remember when I was a young girl thinking that the worst thing that could happen to me would be to have a child that I couldn’t support, because I was really worried that I would end up as resentful as my mother was. I couldn’t imagine my body growing, I couldn’t imagine having to feed myself let alone be responsible for another human being.

Went my younger brother was born I love him so dearly that I would have nightmares about his safety. He is nine years younger than I am. I remember my youth being spent worrying about his choices in life and I couldn’t imagine how much more magnified that would be if I had a child of my very own.

At the age of 22 I became involved with a man who didn’t want me because he was Jewish and I wasn’t. I was really in love with the man. After a year or two dating this Jewish man we decided to call it and ended our relationship. I began to date another man who I didn’t really care about because I had lack of confidence, but i developed an intimate relationship with him. Unfortunately about a month later I realized that I was pregnant. Not knowing who the father was my fears were magnified.

I contacted both men and I told them what I had done. Both of the men thought that I should have an abortion. At that time I suppose if I was honest with myself, it would admit that I too wanted a way out of the situation I have got myself into. I was alone, I had no money and I had no transportation. How in the world was I going to raise a child?

About six weeks later when I was trying to decide and make up my mind, I was stopped at a stoplight a block from my home. I was crying pretty hard about the pain that I had caused everybody. I wasn’t paying much attention and a renegade truck with an uninsured drunk driver hit me from the back going approximately 95 mph. Needless to say, when I ended up in the hospital it was explained to me that an abortion was my only option for my own survival.

I remained single for almost a decade after that accident. Every single day of every single year I thought about that unborn child. When I met a man that I would date I would never let them know about my shameful secret. I lived with the guilt silently and painfully for very long time.

I met a wonderful man when I was almost 30 and within the first three months of our relationship I had gotten pregnant again. I was determined not to even think about the word abortion! I was in a better place because I was confident that I could take care of myself. I was sure that the man that I had chose to be intimate with was a good choice in character. I wasn’t in the same emotional, physical or intellectual state of mind that I was the first time I had gotten pregnant.

A month later the man I was in love with proposed and we got married. Just a short while later my daughter was born. I looked into her face and realized what a blessing she was, and for the first time that fear rushed in. I was terrified that I wouldnt be enough for her. She was so tiny and so delicate and I instantly became protective! I’ve vowed nobody would hurt her. And I knew that I had taken on a responsibility far greater than my own worthiness. I had been given a gift by God and it was my responsibility to bring this child up in such a way that she could be independent and happy as an adult. I was up to the challenge and ready to move forward.

In the toddler and baby years of my daughters life; I spent the entire time in all of the miracle that the innocence of a child can show a person. I learned very quickly that if my life became tough, all I had to do was put myself around a small child and a smile would soon appear on my face. There is something so remarkable about the investigation and the questions of the innocent approach to life the child brings to the family.

The age of five she was a people pleaser. At the age of eight she was anxious and trying to find her place in our family. If the age of 12 she wanted to put on makeup. But the age of 14 she wanted to know what it would be like to have a boyfriend. All through high school she struggled with inter personal relationships. Every single day was a lesson. It was an adventure!

Raising her was different than my son who was born a year after her. She is like me. I knew how to handle every piece of advice. I knew what to expect. I knew what she was going to go through. And I was ready for it. And it was an exceptional experience that improved with her age. Even now as she matures into an adulthood and leaves the nest she is absolutely adored.

When I had my son I knew what a treasure he was going to be. I had more confidence that I could manage his welfare. I was sure that I would teach him to play sports and I would teach him how to treat a woman. And I was up to the task again.

Nine months after my son was born I knew that there was a problem. I knew that he was different than any other child because he had regressed into his own mind. I thought something tragic had happened in daycare, or that something had happened when I had left them in another’s care. But that wasn’t the case. It took almost 12 years of struggling and testing and encouragement and therapy to get a diagnosis of autism. When everybody said that I was a terrible mom because he acted the way he did because of who I was. I cried a lot. But every time he would come into the room he would shine his uniqueness and I knew that I was destined to be his mother! I would be the fighter, the challenger and the ultimate cheerleader.

That boy is 17 now and he is fully functional. When the doctor finally diagnosed him, he said that he had never seen an autistic boy who is so far gone so mainstreamed without professional assistance. I had to smile because to me it was not a chore it was not an obligation… it was an honor!

I look at my life over the last 20 years and I realize that my greatest gifts come from the greatest moments I had in my life. Those moments have been with my husband and my two children. I cannot tell you what it’s like to have a child. But I can tell you that there is absolutely no love greater than the love and adoration a mother feels for her children. It’s an unconditional love. It’s a realization that in the past 20 years I have been so extremely blessed with remarkably individual and unique kids.

I may not have a stellar career in writing. I may not have friends that have stood by my side all these years. I may not have the houses that I once lived in or the cash that I used to have. But as I look forward into the next century of my life, I realize that the value of my life was in the little moments of joy and laughter and hope and encouragement and sharing of experiences with the people in my life who mean the world to me.

I guess what I wish is that all mothers get a moment to feel exactly the way that I do at this time in my very own moment. Because there’s no greater feeling in the world than knowing that you did your best. That you’re best made a life for the next-generation. That generation is the direct reflect on the positive influence that you had. Your kids are grown. They are safe. They are self-sufficient individuals who are capable of being independent happy people. They believe in God. They believe in love. They believe in justice. They believe in opportunity! I did my job and I’m proud of the work I’ve done. Moreover I’m blessed to have been given the opportunity to have such a tremendous life with two beautifully exceptional children!

Inspiration

To be Happy – Be Thankful

The other day I heard a phrase that caught my attention. It said, “the only way to be happy is to be thankful.” I found that to be poignant because I continuously struggle at to see positive things rather than negative things. Moreover, the actions of others have more power over my emotions then sometimes I’m willing to admit.

The people around me tell me that this is the common denomination of women everywhere. I don’t know if that’s true, but what I do know is that most women that I know are mom’s, wives, and colleagues. And what that says to me is that their lives are full. With an abundant life comes the responsibility of introspection. You cannot have a husband or children and not learn valuable experience based on both pain and joy along your way. It’s been said that to be my age is to graduate from the “University of Life.” However, rules and application always are subject to approval or acceptance.

This past week I have been introspective. I’ve seen the attitudes of my children and my frustration levels with their choices begin to build in a very negative way. Whenever this happens to me, I sit down and think about what I can do to fix it, because ultimately I am the peacemaker. I try and ask myself if the offenses that I feel are due to my own interpretation or are they actual offending actions because in my past when I have confronted someone I have been so wrong. Experience has taught me to pause.

The problem is that just when I think that I am clear on what the issues are and clear on exactly what injustice trigger has just been pushed; it’s then when I decide to talk to whomever it is who has offended me. Usually my gut instincts are right on track. But this week they weren’t.

What I forgot to do is to take into consideration all the factors involved. I don’t have a mind that deduces a problem based on facts. I have a creative mind that is based on emotion and by human interaction. It’s the old saying, “feeling versus thinking.” I am the feeler and for the most part the people who I love who are closest to me and my life are the thinkers. So much so that the concrete approach to a problem can be quite disarming. What this does is cause massive miscommunication for all parties involved.

It takes a great sense of intellectual responsibility to look at oneself and realize that the problem lies within. In life, when we look at our own actions or we look at the offense that we feel; we not only need to remind ourselves to really look at whether or not this is our interpretation, but we really need to understand that person has their own set of injustice buttons as well. You would think that at my age not only would I comprehend this beyond a reasonable sense, but that upon need of it I could certainly reference at a moment’s notice. This past week that was certainly not the case. Admitting that could be the first foundation of solidifying a better approach upon the next surge of teen attitude.

This past week I was wrong. I was incorrect about the motivation behind the attitude. I withdrew my affections instead of engaging. It took me a long time to process through my own thinking because it’s not a natural thing for me to do. I have to remember that while I’m pressing my pause button, the people that depend on me will view my absence as abandonment. It’s certainly not! I need to understand how my reaction to their behavior can sometimes cause more of a disturbance in our communication rather than healing the hurt feelings.

Life is about change, and nothing ever stays the same. I think there’s a song about that? I believe the key to a successful relationship is to communicate whether that language is defective or whether it is productive. You cannot fix a problem or a broken dialogue without first starting to talk. If my approach is with love the outcome should be in a relationship that all those prior behaviors count when matters like this come up. I feel that if we can remind ourselves that we are loved and respected, we can remind ourselves to love and respect the people who have feelings of regret or pain. We can move on to a better dialogue. Ultimately we can solve the problem.

Everyone knows what right and wrong is. The power doesn’t rest in the inability to find the truth. Our success will be based on whether or not we can do the right thing despite our impulsive feelings and negative emotions.

I’m learning to be thankful for the blessings in my life. That attitude is teaching me that the joy I desperately seek is in direct correlation to my perception. It’s certainly not easy and takes a great deal of focus on my part but it’s certainly doable…

I’d really like to know what you think. How do you handle situations where you either are the person who is confronted or you are the confronting person? How do you get through the miscommunication to effective rich dialogue for the betterment of both parties? If you’re so inclined, I would love to know?

Inspiration

A Man and a Moment

When I was a young girl, I used to hide from my mother’s rage by sitting quietly in a closet. The doors were closed and as tears ran down my face I could hear her calling for me in the distance. I can remember asking the wind why my father never rescued me. The rage that consumed filled her heart with hatred of the men who had abused or abandoned her. When she became fraught with the evilness of it, she would explode and whoever was in the surrounding area would pay the price for her outrageous behavior. She was sick then, and I was the child who lived through that sickness.

When she would call out my name through terrifying screams that sent me into a horror I can barely describe in words, she would also announce the reason to which the particular eruption occurred. It was always about a man. It was always about how a man hurt her. The blood curdling screams of painful declarations would shout, “No man is ever going to love you! No man is ever going to want to take care of you like I do! No man will care how you feel!” As you can imagine, that would go on and on and on until all the proclamations concerning men had been said or she actually found me. We won’t go there.

In my “Father’s Day” blog a few weeks ago, I mentioned that I did not grow up with a father. There were no men consistently in my mother’s life. She would use what men would succumb to her charms as long as she needed them and then she’d toss them aside like day old trash.

Naturally I was determined to find love. I was determined to be a great example for my kids, and to have a life that I’d only ever seen in movies. The problem with that I’ve learned is that even if you set it up that way there’s no script for you to follow. There’s no manual that tells you everything’s going to be okay, and for the most part I spend my life flying by the seat of my not so capable pants trying desperately to let those people who mean the most to me know how much I love them. That is my ultimate goal. Peace, freedom and the ability to feel the joy around people I respect and love. Who doesn’t want that?

I believe that as an adult you’re pretty much responsible for how you view your world. Your choices are your own, no matter what happened to you, and the fact that you were forced to listen to the brainwashing ranting’s of a sick woman should have no impact on your emotional wellbeing in your future relationships. That’s what I believe, and then life throws that curve ball, something goes terribly wrong and everything I know to be the truth just goes out the window. My knee-jerk reaction is to run; to survive. I have a family that needs me and that’s not an option. So what does somebody like me who struggles every day to surround myself with peace and joy do when there is anger and fury around me?

If you can imagine, in the beginning I get quiet. My memories implode without my consent. It’s my life and I lived it. So when someone becomes furious with me and my sense of injustice about it all has been triggered I find my adult self – standing there quiet, impervious, and pensive. My first thoughts are is my life threatened. Can you even believe that is my first thought? Then I try to make sense of why my injustice button was pushed. There are no words until I process through why I am angry. Then I try and talk it out. I may not come across logically or even without emotion or steam myself but for the most part I desperately try to get the offender to see my point of view. Sometimes our views clash and we can work it out through some mature dialog. But on those occasions when someone who I love dearly decides to be uncontrollably selfish and downright mean; that’s when I lose all control over my emotions. I begin to cry, because to me, there’s nothing more important that making someone feel loved; and when it doesn’t come back to me, I feel a sense of fury that’s not quite to the level of rage but I am willing to fight for what I believe. I call it shaking the sugar tree.

Usually that makes someone who is acting inappropriately calm down enough to talk things out. Rarely does it become an argument that is unwinnable. The problem with this approach is that it doesn’t work after a long history with someone. The process develops kinks and people take each other for granted. They want to hold on to misunderstandings of the past and they want to blame everyone for the happiness that has long been lost because they’re so worried about controlling every aspect of their lives that they cannot get to the joy that sometimes a little chaos brings. That’s been my experience.

What do you do when you’re sitting there and your Ah-ha moment tells you that it’s not going to change? You find yourself stuck in a routine of destiny that you’ve tried desperately to improve and there’s no way it’s going to change? I tell you what you do. You tell yourself, “No man is ever going to love you the way you need, no man is ever…” and it’s a slippery slope.

To me, the kind of man that I need; require, is the kind of man who is strong. I don’t mean physically. I mean a man who is capable of seeing through the dramatic emotion of a woman and narrowing it all down to what makes sense. A man who is logical in his approach, puts other’s first and always roots for the underdog. A man of character, a man of faith and a man who is so highly intellectual with opinion and fact that he can tell me something I don’t already know or inspire me to be a better person. That’s the kind of man I wanted and in all reasonableness the kind of man I married.

With all things that God created there is a balance. There is good and evil in all of us. The levels of each depend on our character and our choice to either improve or wallow in the despair of our mistakes. With my husband this rule is no different. At times I feel like I married my mother. Other times I feel like I married the most respected man in the world. Either way I have the intense understanding that he is admired, respected and loved regardless of his actions which is a skill that I have not easily learned.

I’ve grown into a strong woman. Capable and formidable and for the most part feel like my words impact lives. There are moments though, that I would love for my husband to encourage me and not give me that reality check all the time or blame when something goes horribly wrong. I’ve learned that when we argue now, breaking our pattern is to process the pain or sorrow on my own because I am no longer willing to live with the laundry list of my offenses or misunderstandings whenever we fight. Silence in my home has become the norm. It hurts too much to fight for what’s right because it’s really not ever going to change. Years of the same has finally taught me that. It hurts, but that’s a pain I guess I will have to just live with. Now, I just walk away.

The point to all this for me is that sometimes bad things happen along our path. Sometimes people point unjust fingers and are intolerant of others. Sometimes kids misbehave and people you love disappoint you beyond what you could imagine. Sometimes, relationships are cruel and unjust. But if you can stop a minute to remember that we’re all just people. We all feel exactly the same things just not at the same time. We’re all trying to earn respect and adoration from the people we place the most faith in. We’re all trying desperately to be accepted.

If you can find someone that for the majority of the time you respect them you’ve won. Give them their behavior and let them own it. Go to a movie or take yourself out of the equation. Last night I saw Snow White and the Huntsman. I loved it. It’s a great movie to see when you’re upset. The bottom line is that you have to find peace with your choices even if for a moment those choices are a little painful. Because when you get to the other side of it, the joy and the happiness that follows is a result of the time you put in to be consistent, to show your love and to respect those whom you adore. Pause, because it’s not over. Remind yourself that you have a voice, but sometimes you don’t have to use it. Sometimes your own silent process can bring you right back to seeing the great things about a man you know.

Inspiration

Father’s Day

I wanted to blog about Father’s Day, but I’m missing one fundamental element for real comprehension of what Father’s Day means to the general dad. And that is that I never really had a dad who spend any time with me, or sent me cards, or called me on my birthday, or pretty much participated in an any part whatsoever of my life. So what I decided to blog about for Father’s Day is from the perspective of a wife and a daughter.

First I must tell you that my mother was strong enough to be both a mother and the father for me, so I never really felt like I missed out on having a father on until I got married and began to raise a daughter of my own. For my daughter when she was young I was the parent who meant everything to her. But as she grew older into her teen years I began to understand what a valuable role of father plays in the choices his teenage daughter makes. He can neither be too aggressive in his need to control her innocence, nor can he be too bold in his approach with her freedom. It’s a fine respectful line that a father has to walk on, but if he’s mature enough to handle it he can have the relationship of his dreams with his new young adult daughter.

It has been my experience that when a woman reaches her teenage years and into young adulthood; this is when the dad doesn’t feel like he’s needed anymore. You couldn’t be further from the truth! This is the age where a woman formulates the type of man she’s going to date, whether or not she’s going to try to replace her father with an older gentleman that she dates, and whether or not she’s going to allow a man or boyfriend to treat her badly. Because a mature father can teach her the appropriate kind of love that only allows her to except a man who will treat her right!

The more I look at the men my daughter has in her life, the more I understand this rule to be the truth. I watch in awe because this is a very natural change for a father and daughter to go through it.

I also have a son. The dynamics of raising a son for a mother can be excruciatingly painful. A boy needs a mother. But a man needs a father. And about the age of 12 boys decide that moms are embarrassing, and awkward. Our little boys are growing and we realize the natural progression is to navigate towards the male social dynamics of becoming an adult. Again, if a mature father is firm and able to be patient enough to put in the quantity; the quality will come!

It may seem like I’m standing on a soapbox preaching about the benefits of maturity with regard to how a father appears to his children, but I’m not. I’m merely pointing out what I have seen that has happened in my experience over the years of my life. In moments when I sit and reflect on the awesome parenting that I see from the fathers I know as an adult; that’s when I really realize how much I miss out on by not having a father of my own.

So for all you dads out there who don’t feel as though you make an impact, or don’t feel appreciated, this dedication is for you! Because you’re the silent teacher, you’re the security, you’re the love and the adoration that both your female and your male kids need! You may not know it now, but their choices and their mistakes are all relevant to this very important day that’s all about you… Happy Father’s Day to you sincerely from the heart of a wife, a mother, and a child! You are loved! Thank you!

Inspiration

Perception VS Reality

I’ve been told recently by a very credible therapist that perception is one’s truth. That for everyone on this planet truth is merely their perception. I’ve spent a great deal of my adult life trying to understand why my truth or my perception is different than others. Take into consideration that I grew up much different than the considerably “normal” household and that might explain how rough around the edges and quick I am to sound a tad negative to those around me who have not lived my experiences nor will ever be able to comprehend the difficulty in overcoming the trying circumstances. Although, from time to time people brand me “negative” or “absolute” and when they move on down the road after throwing that insult at me, they smile all the while feeling as though they’ve given me a revelation. They’ve imparted great wisdom because obviously I need to be told that I am offending their senses in such a way that they must speak their mind about it.

Often after much reflection and question I find that these people who are hell bent on giving someone a reality check according to their perception are also hell bent on reflecting any and all negative comments about their own actions or words. Their lack of appreciation for my point of view doesn’t bother me, because I would never presume to think that the way in which I speak or behave is the way that everyone else should. I don’t own the luxury of being that finite in my thinking.

I find the whole cultivating relationships ironic and of course, something to blog about so here goes from my eyes. This is my perception…

Recently, my birthday rolled around. Now, on my week or days preceding or following my birthday some of the most influential people in my life died. And of course, on my birthday I received their cards. What this did for many years was ensure that I reflected on their lives because to celebrate my own, I have to remember theirs. To not give warrant to the people who meant everything to me at one time would be cruel and heartless; in my opinion.

This made for a difficult time near the arrival of my birthday. So much so, that in some years, I just reflected on the loss and not a happy or joyous occasion of celebrating my existence. You see, for many years I didn’t really like myself. I’ve spent a majority of my adulthood trying desperately to forgive myself for mistakes I could not erase nor could I evict them from playing over and over in my mind. I had to get to forgiveness but that road was harsh and filled with regrets.

When I turned 38 all that changed with the help of an intense therapy program based on Dr. Phil McGraw’s pathways seminar. I was a new person. The only problem that remained is how to use my words to appropriately express how I feel or what I think as time goes on. You see, some of that old baggage seeps in from time to time and I find that several times I have to get my perceptions back into check. I have to wrap my mind around the blessings in life rather than concentrate on the things that I find unjust. Because those unjust things when brought to other’s attention do little to give them pause for action and more to incite riot behavior from them. That’s been my experience. People don’t really like it when you make them dig a little deeper and feel things that hold them accountable for being a true friend, or taking action against a wrong or whatever. People in my opinion based on reactions that I get are fraught with the generalness of life. Pursuant to the status quo and rocking that will only bring feverish emotions of positive or negative but I promise you it will never be boring. To extract this kind of reaction takes great insight and great courage.

Many women or men like me that are capable of extracting this kind of emotion are often labeled dramatic or weird. But the truth in all the commonness of it, is that these people share one common denominator that the rest of the world sees but just cannot seem to own. These people have the ability to feel openly, to display it, to announce it and to enjoy it. I continuously say that I have the ability to be negative; sure. But I also have the ability to be positive, and to see joy, and to be happy and to love, and to laugh, and to cry. You see, I am human and although in a moment I feel one way I am not doomed for eternity to feel only one emotion. I am human and I feel all emotions just not all at the same time.

My perception about the people who meant everything to me and have passed is far different than just a remembrance. When I say now that my birthday is fraught with recollections of people I lost you might see that as me concentrating on negative things. To you, death is sad and your conclusion might be that I am sad. That couldn’t be further from the truth or my perception. My perception is that remembrance of these people is an honor.

When I say that I like to be alone and reflect on my past it’s not a negative thing. I have an incredibly creative mind. So much that I am able to replay memories in my mind of times past much like a made for TV movie. I can watch as the youthful me has conversation after discussion about nothing that matters with people from long ago. I replay over and over the silly times we laughed and the general comfortableness that those memories give me. The warmth of my memories makes me appreciate them as monumental blessings in my life and I miss them terribly. I don’t concentrate on the loss as much as I celebrate their existence. The only way any of us know that these people we loved so incredibly much existed is if we take a moment to remember the great times that we shared with them. So I ask you how can that be negative?!

Perception is how you look at life. If my words are associated in the right order that makes you as a reader appreciate the joy I have then shame on me. That’s my responsibility and as I progress in my craft it will only get better. But the next time that you want to tell someone that they’re negative, pause for a moment because maybe in their world, what you see as negative might just be their right to hold on to whatever it is that they need to process through.

Life is not easy and there are no quick fixes. Pain is real and it can last a lifetime. Each of us has our own learned coping skills. Each of us is equipped to make conclusions on our own experiences, but none of us are always positive or always negative. Every one of us has a process to peace and for some of us that road may be longer or may have to be revisited often.

When you see a post that you find alarming or you hear a catch phrase that makes you pause remember that the emotion you feel is yours. You own it. No one made you feel it without your permission. If it triggered something inside you that’s your baggage not someone else’s. If you have a problem with whatever was said and feel your entitled to give that person a reality check you might want to rethink who’s reality you’re trying to change? Their perception or yours? I’m just saying….

Inspiration

Treasured Moments

There is nothing in the world quite like a moment when you realize that you’re happy. Happiness is not a constant feeling, and for most this illusive emotion evades from daily life. I think that in the movie, “Yours, Mine and Ours” after Lucille Ball desperately tries to explain to her daughter the fundamentals of joy but fails miserably; Henry Fonda picks up the dialog by explaining that great moments arrive from putting the effort of all the drudgery and the boring is what leads to the big events! In other words, quantity no matter how mundane brings quality! You cannot have one without the other.

So imagine my surprise when I am sitting with incredible women and I realize I’m smiling! And I think “wow it’s been a long time since that’s happened!” a genuine real happy joyful smile!

What’s even better is that they were smiling and we were sharing openly and honestly and real and laughing until we couldn’t stand it anymore. Each of us had issues and extreme stories to share and opinions and comments… It was human compassion in motion! A connection stronger than time and distance full of passion and empathy and we were all there wishing that happy moments could just last a whole lot longer!

We worked together in one of the worst jobs that I have ever had! Not because of the work but because of the dictator suppression of a power motivated woman who I believe if possible would actually blow fire up someone’s butt to get them to do her bidding! We came out close friends and none of us work there anymore. The strife gave us the blessing of forming a unity against the unjust but it’s not anything we dwell on anymore. It was the basic foundation of friendship that’s been tested over time and matured into life long confidential bonding that all women wish they had! I honestly regard myself blessed!

Today you’re going to have to finish the audit paperwork and financial matters and clean the house, make the dinner, and tend to the animals, but stop right now and schedule that spa or dinner with the gals! 1. Because you sure as hell deserve it and 2. Because believe it or not it’s been too long between your ultimate moments of “happy!”

I highly recommend time to fill up your cup be because when you do…it runneth over!

Inspiration

World Traveler Anyone?

Many times, my husband has asked me to have more of a “wanderlust” view of living our life together. I’ve moved so much that when I find friends who actually want to spend time with me, I love it!  To me, that spending quality time simply means, “roots!” It means everything, so when I feel change coming; it causes a certain discontent.

He’s very good at tapping into my need for constant growth.  Yes, I am addicted to learning new things. I read all the time, I pay attention to politics (not that I will discuss it here) and am fairly read well in several subjects including a few passions of mine.

I’m not a “traditional” girl. I know that! I don’t know why, but it takes getting on a plane or jumping in a car to reignite my sense of adventure which if I were even more honest with myself is the one genuine unique thing about me that makes the daily drudge of getting up to go to a meaningless job to make money for a house I could do without so that my kids can go to a school the love; all worth doing! Without my adventure all this life wouldn’t have imagination and thrills and joy and love! I highly recommend finding your bliss as I have found my renewed sense of adventure.

My proclamation doesn’t mean my friends mean less to me! Actually quite the opposite. They mean everything and I am blessed the want to be my intimate confidants! I pray that never changes and that after my journeys have ended that the happiness and joys I’ve found along my path will illuminate future generations everywhere along with the stories only my friends here. That is this is your only shot. If travel is your bliss, or change or growth, what the hell are you waiting for?!