forgiveness – Reba Nietert

There is a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from carrying a past you’ve already outlived. Lately, I’ve been wrestling with the ghosts of my own choices, feeling the weight of things I thought were buried. This post is my exhaling. It is a declaration of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and the mercy I am finally choosing to accept.”

If you are carrying a weight that was never meant for your shoulders, I invite you to leave a piece of it here. What is one thing you are ready to forgive yourself for today? Let’s walk toward the light together.

For days, my mind has been a battlefield where peace went to die. I have been breathing the stale air of a “past long gone,” dragging old ghosts into the present until my soul became heavy with the haunting. I felt it in my marrow and in the “second brain” of my stomach—a rising acid of remorse, a conflict of the ego that no medicine could soothe.

I realized that to swallow this bitterness any longer would be to drown.

Today, I choose the only way out: The way of the Alchemist. I am turning my culpability into a present accountability. I am not merely apologizing for my struggle; I am honoring it by allowing it to become a testimony.

The Confession

I walked a path of shadows and ill repute,

Weaving webs of manipulation for a life of gilded ease.

I cost men their kingdoms to furnish my own,

Trading integrity for a view few ever see.

I asked for love, and when the Great Provider gave a seed,

I let fear bloom where a child should have grown.

I cast away the miracle to keep the ghost of my freedom,

Choosing the cold silence of “no” over the warmth of “yes.”

I have been the architect of my own envy,

Comparing my reflection to a world of curated lies.

I have been lazy in my promises and a shortcut-taker in my craft,

Slandering the innocent and dismissing the weary with a judge’s gavel.

I have lacked the very character I claimed to possess,

Wounding the seen and the unseen with the sharp edge of my ego.

The Surrender

But the acid has reached the brim, and I am finished with the burning.

Heavenly Father, I stand before You stripped of my pretenses.

I confess the stains, the shortcuts, and the intentional hurts.

I ask for the blood of Jesus to act as a holy solvent—

To wash the “ill repute” until only the “reputation of Grace” remains.

Forgive me for the pain I caused that I cannot see.

Forgive me for the years I spent coveting what was never mine.

Take the lordship of every broken room in my heart.

The New Spirit

I exchange my “second ego” for Your first-rate Peace.

I thank You for the courage to look at my reflection without flinching,

And for the mercy that refuses to run dry, even when I am parched.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

The struggle is honored. The sin is covered. The testimony begins.

I’ve learned that my body was never meant to be a warehouse for my regrets. It was meant to be a temple for my peace. How are you tending to your temple today?

Within the depths of our hearts, hidden beneath layers of joy and contentment, lies an immense sadness that weighs upon us. It is as if our very essence has been tainted with a heaviness, coursing through our veins and echoing through the hollow chambers of our souls. In this moment, my friends, I stand before you, shattered and heartbroken, unable to fully express the depths of my sorrow. Yet, the source of this pain is rooted in the boundless love I hold for the one who has caused it.

The Burden of Unconditional Love:

In this fleeting existence, we often find ourselves contemplating a world that can be devoid of compassion. Navigating through the harsh realities of life can be harsher than any promise we hold dear. From the burdensome weight of societal behaviors to the erosion of values and moral decline, it is a challenging journey to engage with this world. And, it is within these perplexing moments that unconditional love becomes both a solace and a torment.

The Exquisite Pain of Unrequited Love:

The pain that grips our very soul is born from a love that knows no conditions. It is a love that defies reason, expectation, and sometimes even reciprocation. To love someone unconditionally is to expose our vulnerability, laying our heart bare before them, and entrusting them with our deepest emotions. However, when this love goes unreturned, it inflicts an exquisite pain, the depths of which only those who have experienced it can fully comprehend.

The Delicate Balance:

As we navigate this fragile existence, it is essential to find a balance between the unyielding love that resides in our hearts and the need to protect ourselves from continuous heartache. While love is an inherent part of our human experience, it is equally vital to recognize our own worth and set boundaries when necessary. It is not a betrayal of love but rather an act of self-preservation.

Finding Healing in Compassion:

While we may encounter a world lacking compassion, it is crucial that we purposefully choose to be the bearers of empathy and understanding. By extending compassion to others, we not only alleviate their suffering but also find a balm for our own wounded hearts. In seeking to understand the experiences and perspectives of others, we can heal and find solace in the power of compassion.

Conclusion:

To love unconditionally is a courageous act, one that exposes us to both profound joy and profound pain. As we navigate a world that often lacks compassion, it is imperative that we find solace in the richness of our own hearts. Let us embrace our heartache, acknowledging its presence as a testament to our capacity to love deeply. And in that vulnerability, let us also extend compassion to others. For in nurturing compassion within ourselves and radiating it into the world, we can begin to heal the wounds that bind us and forge a path towards a more empathetic and compassionate future.

Remember, even in the depths of our sorrow, we possess the strength to rise above and cultivate compassion where it is needed most.

Tag: forgiveness

The Alchemist’s Amen: A Declaration of Repentance

Embracing Heartache: Navigating a World Lacking Compassion