Tag: life

SoftArmor

Lost in the Fog? It’s Time for Your Personal “Identity Audit”

Reba Nietert

We’ve all been there. That heavy, sinking feeling where you look around at your life—your job, your habits, your relationships—and something just feels off. You’re functioning, you’re busy, but the question keeps whispering: “Who am I, really, and what am I doing?”

This isn’t a failure. This feeling of being “lost” is actually a profound call to action. It’s your soul telling you that the map you’ve been following no longer leads to your true north. And the way to find your bearings again? It’s time to conduct a personal Identity Audit.

What Exactly is an Identity Audit?

Think of your life as a large, beautiful home. Over the years, you’ve filled it with furniture, decorations, and even junk—some of it yours, some of it inherited, and some of it just things you bought because everyone else had them.

An Identity Audit is simply a compassionate, systematic inventory of that house:

  • The Inventory: You look at your core values, your day-to-day actions, the roles you play (parent, professional, friend), and your deepest beliefs about yourself and the world.
  • The Alignment Check: You ask: Does this item truly belong to me? Does this belief still serve my highest good? Does this role truly reflect who I want to be now?
  • The Re-Centering: It’s the process of deliberately shedding the things that don’t align and intentionally choosing to nurture the parts of you that have been waiting to be seen.

It’s not about judgment; it’s about alignment. You’re not “fixing” a broken person; you’re simply clearing the clutter so your authentic self can finally shine through.

Why You Feel Lost—And Why the Audit is the Antidote

That “lost” feeling is often a sign of misalignment. Here are three common culprits that an Identity Audit helps uncover:

1. Wearing Someone Else’s Armor 🛡️

For years, you may have been wearing an identity—a soft armor—that you built for protection or to meet someone else’s expectations. Maybe it’s the “successful executive,” the “perfect partner,” or the “easy-going friend.” This armor worked for a time, but it’s become too heavy, too tight, and it’s obscuring the real you. The audit asks: What beliefs am I holding onto because I think I ‘should’ be someone else?

2. Your Values Have Evolved, But Your Life Hasn’t 🌲

You are not a static being. The person who valued hustle and external achievement at 25 may now, at 35 or 45, yearn for presence, creativity, and deeper connection. When your daily life and commitments are still based on your old values, the disconnect causes that feeling of emptiness. The audit helps you articulate your current core values and shows you where your time and energy need to be redirected.

3. You’re Living on Autopilot ✈️

Loss of identity happens when you stop asking questions. You just keep going through the motions. An Identity Audit forces you to take the stick back. It’s a moment of radical self-reflection where you become the active architect of your life, not just a passenger in it.

Reclaim Your Center. Step Into Your Soft Armor.

The journey from “lost” to “found” is less about finding a new destination and more about realizing you were never truly gone—you were just hidden beneath layers of outdated narratives.

An Identity Audit is the gentle, yet powerful process of remembering who you are at your core, and building a life that feels authentic, sustainable, and right. It’s about designing a life that feels like a comfortable, protective embrace—your Soft Armor.

If this resonates with that quiet, yearning part of you, you are exactly where you need to be. There are tools, resources, and a supportive community ready to guide you through this process of self-discovery and realignment.

Ready to gently begin the inventory of your beautiful, complex self?

Find your way home. Click here to explore the path to your most aligned self at thesoftarmor.com.

Where your strength lies in your softness.

Human Interest

Unbreakable: What I’ve Learned About Stress, Strength, and Moving Forward

Reba Nietert

There are moments in life when stress doesn’t just tap you on the shoulder—it knocks you flat. Recently, I found myself in one of those moments. The pressure built up so intensely that my body waved a white flag: shingles, right inside my eyes. The headaches, exhaustion, and relentless fatigue were unlike anything I’d known. For someone who has always prided herself on grit and stamina, it was a humbling wake-up call.

When I was younger, I wore stress like a badge of honor—thriving on the adrenaline, juggling a million things, always pushing for more. But as the years have added up, so has the cost of that constant hustle. This older body? It doesn’t bounce back the way it used to. Every ache, every bit of fatigue, is a reminder that I’m not invincible.

But here’s what’s unshakable: my spirit.  

I am tenacious to the core. Even when my body is tired, my will is fierce. I believe—truly—that the mind can overcome anything life throws our way. I refuse to let a diagnosis, a setback, or a tough season define me. Instead, I choose to show up. I show up with purpose, with intent, and with the determination to do what needs to be done—no matter how hard it feels.

That’s what courage looks like.  

It isn’t always flashy or loud. Sometimes, it’s just putting one foot in front of the other when you’d rather stay in bed. It’s making the call, writing the email, or meeting the client when your energy is running on empty. It’s refusing to let fear or pain dictate your story.

Resilience isn’t about never falling down—it’s about how many times you get back up.  

So even as my cortisol levels wreak havoc and my body begs for rest, I keep moving forward. One deliberate step at a time. Because that’s who I am—unstoppable.

If you’re facing your own season of stress or struggle, know this:  

You are stronger than you think. Your spirit is tougher than any challenge. And even when life tries to slow you down, you have the power to keep going.

Here’s to every one of us who keeps showing up, no matter what.  

We are unbreakable.

Uncategorized

The Serenity of the Lake: Where Stillness Meets Joy

Reba Nietert

There’s a hush that settles over the water at dawn, the kind of quiet that feels sacred—almost as if the world is holding its breath in reverence. The lake stretches out in front of me, a glassy expanse reflecting the gentle blush of early morning. Here, time slows. Here, my soul exhales.

I watch as my dogs, those furry bundles of kinetic joy, race along the shoreline. Their paws kick up dew-damp grass, their tails high with purpose and delight. They chase each other in wide, looping arcs, tongues lolling, eyes sparkling. There’s a kind of magic in their movement—a pure, unfiltered happiness that shoots straight to the heart and fills me with a calm, unexpected rush of dopamine. It’s impossible not to smile, not to let their exuberance seep into my bones and soften the edges of whatever weight I carried to the water’s edge.

Above us, the wind stirs the leaves in the trees. They flitter and dance, catching the light in a thousand shades of green and gold. I find myself watching the way each leaf trembles, the way the branches sway and bow. It’s a gentle reminder that God lives here, in the quiet beauty of the woods, in the hush between the breeze and the water, in the ordinary miracle of another day. The world feels both impossibly vast and intimately close, as if I’m being cradled in the palm of something loving and eternal.

Out here, the remoteness isn’t lonely—it’s restorative. The silence isn’t empty—it’s full, brimming with the subtle music of nature: the distant call of a bird, the soft lapping of waves, the rhythmic panting of tired, happy dogs. In these moments, I remember how alive I am. I feel the pulse of my own heart, the steadiness of my breath, the quiet joy of simply being. The lake’s serenity fills me up, washing away the noise and hurry of everyday life, leaving only gratitude and peace.

Sometimes, all it takes is a quiet morning, a wild-hearted dog, and the shimmer of sunlight on water to remind me of what matters. Of how much love there is in the world—whispering through the trees, running along the shore, waiting patiently for us to notice.

Inspiration

A Poem, “I Am Enough.”

Reba Nietert

I once trembled at the thought of rejection,  

Until I learned the gentle art of never turning away from myself.

I once feared abandonment,  

Until I discovered the steadfast companion within—  

A presence that would never leave.

I once carried the weight of others’ opinions,  

Until I realized they were but whispers,  

No heavier than my own voice,  

No more powerful than my own truth.

I once mourned painful endings,  

Until I saw them for what they truly are—  

Secret doorways to beginnings yet unseen.

I once hid from the fear of seeming weak,  

Until I witnessed the quiet, unbreakable strength  

That lived in the marrow of my bones.

I once shrank beneath the idea of being small,  

Of being unimportant,  

Until I touched the vastness of my own spirit,  

And recognized the power that was always mine.

I once flinched at the thought of being called ugly,  

Until I learned to see myself with loving eyes—  

To honor the beauty that is uniquely my own.

I once dreaded failure,  

Until I understood it as a mirage—  

A lesson dressed in disguise,  

A teacher in the school of growth and grace.

I once despaired in my lowest moments,  

Until I realized they were fertile ground,  

The birthplace of brilliance,  

Where transformation quietly blooms.

I once resisted change,  

Until I embraced its wild, inevitable dance—  

A reminder that nothing is permanent,  

And every moment is a fleeting, precious gift.

I once feared solitude,  

Until I learned the joy  

Of my own company—  

The richness of being at home within myself.

I once doubted my uniqueness,  

Until I claimed it as my greatest gift—  

The wellspring of my singular greatness.

I once shuddered in the darkness,  

Until I remembered:  

I am the light.

And I once feared life itself,  

Until I remembered—  

I am life.  

I am possibility.  

I am enough.

Inspiration

Worthy of Love, by Jacob Nightingale

Reba Nietert

“We instinctually measure our self-worth based on our perceived value to the tribe that surrounds us, and unfortunately, I am a rocket scientist on a football team.” 

Find your Tribe, and there you will discover your value. Find your willingness, and there you will decide your worth. 

We were all innocent once. A child; vulnerable and uncertain. We struggled to make sense of the world. Nothing was certain except for our undying love and devotion to those we valued. We gave our trust freely to those we loved, without reservation. We would do anything to please them, and give anything to see them happy. There is no greater devotion than the love of a child and every child wants to believe they are loved equally in return. A child is always seeking feedback and reassurance, because they want to know one thing—if they too, are worthy of love. Our body may have grown and our spirit has matured, but that child still wants to know, “am I worthy to be loved?”

Worthiness is measured, not by how much you are loved, or by how much love you have been given. Worthiness is measured by how much love and devotion you are willing to give.

A child is born willing to give ALL their love and devotion; no one is more worthy of love than a child.

Like all children, we’re all pure potential. Our Will is the very essence of our potential and we are free to create ourselves however we choose. Is there a such thing as worthless potential? 

No one is worthless; we are all a work in progress, and our progress, our worth, is based solely on our willingness to learn, grow, and improve.  

While we can measure our “value” based on our past contributions and accomplishments, it’s solely based on another’s appreciation and value for what we gave. However, our worthiness, is only effectively measured by our willingness to give, and whether we did the best we could with what we had.

Are you worthy of being a friend, parent, leader, partner, spouse, doctor, student, artist, author…?

Love is the devotion to creating value, contributing, supporting, actualizing dreams, and nurturing growth, improvement, creation, and connection. If your worthiness is based on your willingness to give love and devotion, you need only to ask, “How much love and devotion am I willing to give?” This is your worthiness.    

Are you worthy of Leading? 

How much are you willing to give those that choose to follow you; to nurture, inspire, guide and support their growth and improvement?

Are you worthy of being a parent?

How much are you willing to give your child love and devotion; to support their development, to offer comfort and safety, and to nurture their growth?

Are you worthy of being a friend or romantic partner?

How much are you willing to give love and devotion to the relationship, to nurture each other’s growth and aspirations? 

Are you worthy of creating success?

How much are you willing to give to reach your objectives?

Are you worthy of love and devotion from another?

How much love and devotion are you willing to give?

While we cannot state another’s worth, we can decide if it’s “worth it” to give. When you give to someone, you are investing a part of yourself to them, and for someone to be worth it, they must be willing to accept and willing to invest. If someone is unwilling to give, how can they be worthy of what we are giving? If they are unwilling to grow and improve or to contribute and nurture growth, how can they be worthy of our support and contribution? If someone is unwilling to give love and devotion, is it worth it to give them ours? We cannot allow ourselves to give to those that are unwilling, and if we are unwilling, we are not worthy of what others are willing to give. 

It’s amazing how this simple shift in perception can change everything; it can break down the chains of self-doubt, worry, and insecurity. You don’t need to ask whether someone else finds you worthy. You can measure your own worthiness and the worthiness of those you keep in your life. If you are willing to give love, you’re worthy to be loved, and you are worth every ounce of love you have in your heart. That small child can find peace and comfort, knowing that no matter how much they were cast aside, forgotten, or unfairly challenged, they always have been and always will be “worthy of love.”

amwriting, Inspiration, Uncategorized

The Power of Forgiveness: Healing from Missed Connection

Reba Nietert

Copyright 2018 – Rebecca Nietert

Life, with its unpredictable twists and turns, often leads us to cross paths with numerous individuals. Some become close friends, while others remain mere acquaintances. But what happens when the trajectory of these connections takes an unexpected turn, leaving us with regrets and unspoken words? Today, we reflect on the power of forgiveness and how it can help us heal from missed connections that we carry with us.

Body:

1. The Blessing of a Network:

Having an extensive network and knowing a multitude of people is often seen as a blessing. It opens doors, creates opportunities, and fosters a sense of belonging. However, amidst the constant movement and ever-changing landscapes, maintaining deep connections can be a challenge. Life’s circumstances, such as frequent relocations, can make it challenging to cultivate and sustain intimate friendships.

2. Reflecting on Missed Connections:

Sometimes, we are confronted with the reality of missed connections when someone we knew suddenly passes away. The weight of missed opportunities to reach out and reconnect floods our souls. We are left grappling with the guilt of not being present or extending a helping hand when it was needed the most. This experience serves as a poignant reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing our relationships.

3. The Alpha Male Paradox:

In our pursuit of connection, we often overlook those who appear strong and self-reliant. The alpha males or individuals who exude confidence and independence may give off the impression that they will always be okay. This assumption can lead us to neglect reaching out to them, not realizing that even the strongest among us may require support and empathy.

4. Embracing Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is not only a gift we offer others but also a powerful tool for our own healing. It is easier to forgive others when we understand that life’s challenges can hinder communication and connections. By extending forgiveness to ourselves for missed opportunities, we can release the burden of guilt and embrace the lessons learned.

5. A Path to Healing:

Forgiveness provides a path to healing and closure. Through forgiveness, we acknowledge our humanity and recognize that we cannot control every aspect of our lives. We learn to let go of regret, honoring the memories we shared while accepting that some connections were meant to be fleeting. By forgiving ourselves and others, we create space for growth and compassion.

6. Embracing the Present:

The experience of missed connections serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of being present in our relationships. It allows us to reevaluate our priorities and invest our time and energy in cultivating meaningful connections with those around us. By embracing the present moment, we can foster deeper connections and mitigate the regret of missed opportunities.

Conclusion:

Forgiveness holds the key to healing from missed connections that weigh heavily on our hearts. As we navigate through life’s network of relationships, let us remember to extend forgiveness not only to others but also to ourselves. Embrace the present, prioritize meaningful connections, and cherish the opportunity to create lasting bonds. For in forgiveness lies the power to find solace, acceptance, and ultimately, the freedom to forge deeper connections filled with love and understanding.

Inspiration

Embracing Authenticity: Unveiling the Inner Courage

Reba Nietert

Copyright 2018 – Rebecca Nietert

Greetings, dear readers, as we delve into the intriguing world of self-discovery and the journey towards embracing our truest selves. Today, we explore the challenges that hinder personal growth and unravel the profound connection between fear, vulnerability, and the courage needed to reshape our lives. Join me as we navigate the labyrinth of self-doubt and learn to unleash the unwavering strength within.

1. Unmasking the Foundations:

In our quest for personal transformation, we often find ourselves grappling with the roots of our shaken confidence. These foundations are intricately entwined with the lies we hold dear as our truths—lies bestowed upon us by those entrusted to love and cherish us. It’s no wonder that fear takes root, making the journey to find our courage a formidable one.

2. Battling in Solitude:

The path towards reclaiming our authenticity can be a lonely one. We rarely expose our vulnerabilities to others, inadvertently isolating ourselves in the midst of our internal struggle. The uncertainties and self-doubt that plague us can paralyze our efforts to attain what we yearn for most. Curiously, the very fears we seek to avoid often manifest themselves due to our own subconscious actions.

3. The Paradox of Self-Rediscovery:

Change, especially on a deeply personal level, remains one of the most challenging endeavors we face. It necessitates reevaluating long-held beliefs and embracing a new sense of self. However, the process of unearthing our courage is often more arduous than it initially seems. We must confront our fears head-on, dismantling the barriers that inhibit our growth.

4. Embracing Vulnerability:

Within vulnerability lies immense strength. It is in these moments of raw authenticity that we find the power to transcend the limitations imposed upon us. By embracing vulnerability, we gain the ability to navigate life’s uncertainties with courage, grace, and resilience.

5. Unleashing the Inner Hero:

In the midst of our journey, we must recognize that the courage to live the life we desire has always resided within us. Our heroine, persistently finding her way despite her shaken confidence, serves as a beacon of inspiration. She teaches us that the power we seek lies dormant within, waiting to be awakened and unleashed upon the world.

Conclusion:

Dear readers, navigating the winding path towards self-acceptance and authenticity is an extraordinary feat. The adversities we face may attempt to overshadow our courage, but remember that our vulnerability does not make us weak—it makes us remarkably resilient. As we continue to seek our true selves, let us embrace the paradoxes of change, unveil our inner hero, and emerge triumphant.

May you discover the unbreakable spirit residing within you and embark on a life filled with limitless possibilities.

Human Interest, Inspiration, Opinion, Reflection, Revelations, The Children

Navigating the Storm: Understanding the Mean Teenage Phase

Reba Nietert

Copyright 2018 – Rebecca Nietert

Parenting is a wondrous journey filled with love, joy, and challenges. As our children transition from childhood to adolescence, we sometimes find ourselves puzzled by their sudden transformation. In this blog, we will explore the enigmatic phase of teenage meanness and seek to understand the underlying reasons behind it. Remember, you are not alone on this rollercoaster ride of parenting, and together we can navigate the storm and guide our children towards kindness and growth.

1. The Whirlwind of Adolescence:

The onset of adolescence brings a host of physical, emotional, and hormonal changes. These developments often lead to heightened emotions and the manifestation of unpredictable behavior. While it may seem as if your once tender-hearted child has transformed into someone unrecognizable, it is essential to remember that beneath the surface lies the same loving spirit.

2. The Struggles Within:

Teenagers face a myriad of challenges during this phase. As they strive for independence, they grapple with issues of identity, self-esteem, peer pressure, and the daunting task of navigating their ever-changing world. It is crucial to acknowledge and empathize with the internal struggles that may contribute to their momentary meanness.

3. Responding with Love:

When faced with hurtful words or actions from our teenage children, it is natural to feel hurt and frustrated. However, responding with love and understanding can create a safe space for communication and growth. Instead of reacting impulsively, take a moment to reflect on their underlying needs and find ways to guide them towards healthier forms of self-expression.

4. Setting Boundaries:

While it is important to respond with love, it is equally essential to establish clear boundaries. Communicate your expectations and values, and hold your child accountable for their actions. By setting consistent boundaries, we teach them that kindness and respect are non-negotiable aspects of relationships.

5. Nurturing Emotional Connection:

Maintaining a strong emotional connection with your teenager is crucial during this phase. Ensure that they feel heard, valued, and loved even when their behavior may suggest otherwise. Open up avenues for honest conversations, actively listen to their concerns, and provide support without judgment. These actions can foster a sense of trust and keep the lines of communication open.

Conclusion:

The teenage phase, with its tumultuous mix of emotions and changes, can indeed present challenges for both parents and children. However, by understanding the underlying factors contributing to their meanness, responding with love and empathy, setting appropriate boundaries, and nurturing an emotional connection, we can guide our children towards rediscovering their inherent kindness. Remember, this phase is temporary, and with patience, understanding, and unwavering love, we can weather the storm together and witness the remarkable transformation of our children into compassionate and resilient adults.

Hold onto hope, for beneath the temporary clouds of teenage meanness, the sun of their innate kindness will always shine.

Human Interest, Inspiration, Reflection, Revelations, The Children

The Trials and Tribulations of Parenting: Tales of the “Epically Unfun”

Reba Nietert

Copyright 2018 – Rebecca Nietert

Greetings, fellow readers! Today, we embark on a journey into the bewildering world of parenting. Join me as we navigate the treacherous waters of misunderstood expectations and grapple with the infuriating dynamics between parent and child. Strap in, for this one might get a bit bumpy!

Body:

1. The Myth of Decent, Happy Beings

Ah, the euphoria of parenthood, where we envision our little bundles of joy as perfect, angelic beings. Alas, reality strikes when we realize that these precious creatures can also be expertly skilled in the art of pushing our buttons and turning our world upside down. Is it too much to ask for them to be decent and happy little souls?

2. The Epic Failures of Expectations

As parents, we anticipate that our children will reciprocate the love and care we provide, understanding the inherent value in appreciation and cooperation. However, it appears that our expectations are fundamentally flawed. Instead of gratitude, we are met with defiance, lies, complaints, and an abundance of teenage drama. Are we truly asking for too much?

3. Unraveling the Pleasant Facade

It’s a peculiar phenomenon – children can be absolute angels when they are at the receiving end of our doting and showered with gifts and affection. But dare to express disappointment or dissatisfaction, and suddenly they transform into pint-sized devils, complete with eye rolls and a mastery of lip speak. It’s enough to make any parent question their sanity!

4. Lessons in Reciprocation

As parents, we provide our children with countless opportunities and blessings, despite the challenges and losses we may have faced. It’s reasonable to expect gratitude and cooperation in return, as part of the natural give-and-take of a family dynamic. Unfortunately, these concepts seem to elude our dear offspring, much to our dismay.

5. Navigating the Unfun Parenthood

While it may be disheartening to face the reality that our role as a parent often comes with an “epically unfun” label, we must persevere. By establishing clear boundaries, instilling values, and consistently addressing inappropriate behavior, we can hope to guide our children towards becoming responsible, respectful individuals. It may not be a smooth ride, but it’s a journey worth taking.

Conclusion:

Parenting proves to be a humbling experience, often testing our patience and challenging our sanity. We must acknowledge that our expectations of our children may not always align with their developing personalities and abilities. However, we must remain steadfast in our efforts to shape them into compassionate, responsible individuals who understand the value of reciprocation.

Remember, you are not alone in this epic battle of expectations and disappointments. Together, we can weather the storms of eye rolls, lip speak, and occasional exasperation, knowing that the journey of parenthood, though rocky, is one that brings immeasurable joy and love.

Wishing you strength in your parenting endeavors, even in the face of epic unfun-ness!

Word Count: 495 words

Inspiration, Reflection

Prioritizing Self-Care: Letting Go of Selfishness and Embracing Personal Well-being

Reba Nietert

Copyright 2017 – Rebecca Nietert

In our fast-paced and demanding world, prioritizing self-care often feels like an act of selfishness. However, it is crucial to recognize that self-care is not only essential but also empowering. Many of us, especially women, have been conditioned to put others’ needs before our own. In this blog, we will explore the importance of overcoming these societal expectations and embracing self-care as a means of nurturing our well-being and unleashing our true potential.

1. Challenging the Notion of Selfishness:

The notion that taking time for oneself is selfish stems from outdated societal expectations and gender roles. It’s essential to break free from these limiting beliefs and redefine self-care as an act of self-love rather than selfishness. Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup – by taking care of yourself, you are better equipped to support and uplift those around you.

2. Unlearning Past Conditioning:

The era we grew up in may have instilled in us the belief that women should be selfless and always prioritize others. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that times have changed, and it is time to unlearn these limiting beliefs. Reflect on the strengths and talents you possess and consider how they align with your own desires and aspirations, rather than constantly deferring to others.

3. Recognizing the Importance of Self-Care:

Self-care is not a luxury; it is a fundamental necessity for maintaining physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It is about finding the balance between responsibilities and personal needs. By prioritizing self-care, you create space for relaxation, rejuvenation, and self-reflection, fostering personal growth and resilience.

4. Overcoming Guilt and Prioritizing Yourself:

Guilt often sneaks in when we put our needs first. However, it is crucial to understand that self-care is not an indulgence but an investment in oneself. Remind yourself that you deserve to be cared for and prioritize your well-being without guilt or shame. Embrace the idea that taking care of yourself is a loving act that benefits everyone around you.

5. The Power of Boundaries and Saying No:

Establishing boundaries is vital in maintaining a healthy balance between self-care and obligations. Learning to say no when necessary allows you to protect your energy and allocate time and resources effectively. By setting clear boundaries, you communicate your needs and create a space for personal growth and self-fulfillment.

Conclusion:

It is time to redefine self-care and dismiss any notion that it is selfish. Prioritizing your well-being is an act of resilience and empowerment. By unlearning past conditioning, recognizing the importance of self-care, overcoming guilt, and setting healthy boundaries, you allow yourself to flourish and unlock your true potential. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish but a beautiful testament to your worth and the love you have for yourself and others.